How to not be jealous of women who married rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best situation is not marrying into it. It’s being born into it.

You can’t choose your parents but you can choose your spouse.

All else being equal, more money > less money.

[Anonymous]

More money but same problems. Things aren't always as they seem so don't be jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a fund manager and he's in good shape and does not really have any of the issues people are complaining about. I guess he works a lot, but mostly from home. I work a lot, too. He does have extremely high expectations, and I feel them as his wife, and our kids definitely feel them, so that's something to consider if you'd prefer to coast through life a bit. OP, if you aren't married yet and you know this matters to you, then limit your dating pool.

I also married a fund manager who is a perfectionist but only about himself. He’s extremely caring and generous to everyone else.

He used to work a lot but it’s gone way down since the pandemic and wfh. Turns out he can do his job with 4-5 hours per day. He’s a very hands on father and present husband.

This is not to say that I have no problems in life. But my husband (and money generally) is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a fund manager and he's in good shape and does not really have any of the issues people are complaining about. I guess he works a lot, but mostly from home. I work a lot, too. He does have extremely high expectations, and I feel them as his wife, and our kids definitely feel them, so that's something to consider if you'd prefer to coast through life a bit. OP, if you aren't married yet and you know this matters to you, then limit your dating pool.

Curious what his expectations are? Like, he wants you to be thin, groomed, house always neat and kids never cranky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a fund manager and he's in good shape and does not really have any of the issues people are complaining about. I guess he works a lot, but mostly from home. I work a lot, too. He does have extremely high expectations, and I feel them as his wife, and our kids definitely feel them, so that's something to consider if you'd prefer to coast through life a bit. OP, if you aren't married yet and you know this matters to you, then limit your dating pool.

Curious what his expectations are? Like, he wants you to be thin, groomed, house always neat and kids never cranky?

DP here. My Dh has very high expectations of our children. He puts a lot of pressure on them to do well in school and sports.

[Anonymous]

Not jealous at all. My friends with husbands with high earning careers are all the default parent for everything, solo parent for extended periods, etc. I prefer having my DH make less, but have flexible hours to help with kid stuff, cook on weeknights, coach little league, etc. At this point in life with 3 young kids I value time and flexibility WAY more than money.

Also, my DH is attractive and has time to exercise. I prefer him being in shape and looking hot than getting run down looking because he works all the time.

[Anonymous]

There will always be someone who has more than you. There will also be people who have less than you. I don’t understand this “I wish I was like xxx” mentality.

[Anonymous]

Money is not who they are. Are they respected? Do you enjoy their company? If it's all about what money they have, you'll never be happy and will never have good friends.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this who married into a very wealthy family. She has a great life - gorgeous house in AU park, kids in Top 3 private, travels extensively, top country club, vacation home in desirable location. Her DH is very good looking. He works out regularly, has a sweet face with gorgeous blue eyes, all his hair, dresses impeccably.

The only downsides I've seen are his long hours and she has some health issues. His work schedule made him absent for much of the kids' day-to-day when they were small. She has never worked and ran everything in the house 100%, doesn't seem resentful. She has $$$ to throw at her health issues so it's under control, but I can see how it may affect her life expectancy (which sucks.)

I'm not jealous - I'm happy for her. She grew up far from here in very different circumstances and made it. Go girl!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all work hard but I notice that marrying the right guy really gives a woman a huge leg up. Most of us are working in jobs that pay us anywhere from 80k - 150k and then one of us marries a guy in Big Law or IB and her life is totally different.

Every time this happens, I feel a pang. Like, she jumped the line simply because a rich guy wanted to marry her?

How do I get over the envy and jealousy?

It's really sad that you and other women truly feel this way about your lives. You should thank uber hypocrite Sheryl Sandberg for this---lean in by dating guys with restraining orders and who run sexual harassments factories for companies as long as their network is 9 or 10 digits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all work hard but I notice that marrying the right guy really gives a woman a huge leg up. Most of us are working in jobs that pay us anywhere from 80k - 150k and then one of us marries a guy in Big Law or IB and her life is totally different.

Every time this happens, I feel a pang. Like, she jumped the line simply because a rich guy wanted to marry her?

How do I get over the envy and jealousy?

It's really sad that you and other women truly feel this way about your lives. You should thank uber hypocrite Sheryl Sandberg for this---lean in by dating guys with restraining orders and who run sexual harassments factories for companies as long as their network is 9 or 10 digits.

network = net worth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a fund manager and he's in good shape and does not really have any of the issues people are complaining about. I guess he works a lot, but mostly from home. I work a lot, too. He does have extremely high expectations, and I feel them as his wife, and our kids definitely feel them, so that's something to consider if you'd prefer to coast through life a bit. OP, if you aren't married yet and you know this matters to you, then limit your dating pool.

Curious what his expectations are? Like, he wants you to be thin, groomed, house always neat and kids never cranky?

DP, but this is us too, down to the husband’s industry and fitness level.

We’re two overachievers who got married, have Quality Time as a common love language, and expect our children to make the most of their privilege. (That doesn’t mean careers in our fields, but we’re not going to be ok with Cs if they are clearly capable of As and not working hard, for example.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all work hard but I notice that marrying the right guy really gives a woman a huge leg up. Most of us are working in jobs that pay us anywhere from 80k - 150k and then one of us marries a guy in Big Law or IB and her life is totally different.

Every time this happens, I feel a pang. Like, she jumped the line simply because a rich guy wanted to marry her?

How do I get over the envy and jealousy?

It's really sad that you and other women truly feel this way about your lives. You should thank uber hypocrite Sheryl Sandberg for this---lean in by dating guys with restraining orders and who run sexual harassments factories for companies as long as their network is 9 or 10 digits.

Pretty sure Sandberg has her own high NW and doesn’t need any money from her BF. I have no idea why you would bring that into this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

Haha, you don’t care if your spouse makes much because YOU come from a rich family. How can you miss that? I’ll bet you had DP help, fully funded education, and don’t have to worry about paying for your parents elder care?

DP but I am much more envious of people who come from wealthy families than I am of women who marry rich guys. Graduating from school without debt is such a gift. Plus wealthy families can also often help with down payments, or they pay for nice travel, or they'll pay for your kids childcare. Hell, I'm jealous of people who have parents who provide free childcare (and are young and interested in doing so).

I'd rather have a wealthy and supportive family than a high earning spouse. With a wealthy family, you have support and protection even if you never marry at all.

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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was rich, hot, and a great dad and spouse..than yeah, I might be drooling a bit!

Me too! But that combo is SO EXTREMELY RARE. Normally Big Law/C level etc = Big Ego and marital problems. I know too many women who stay married to cheating husbands for financial security. I'm so happy I have (and earn) my own money. Yes, my husband is rich... so am I. We are equals as is our power balance in the relationship. Have at me DCUM....

The bolded is what no one wants to discuss. TBH... when a woman marries a wealthy alpha man she should expect to get cheated on...