How to not be jealous of women who married rich?

[Anonymous]

I used to teach internationally. My students were mega rich. Their mothers were beautiful and seemed to have it all.

However, the moms spent their days at the gym and maintaining their looks. Lot's of plastic surgery. Many of their husbands left them for younger women.

It is easy to be envious of them based on appearances. However, once you get a glimpse into their world the jealousy fades.I think those ladies work hard for those rich husbands but it is not a secure world.

I don't judge them nor am I jealous. It is their life to lead but I don't think I would be happy.

I am sure some might have legit happy lives but they are the minority. I would rather be middle class and happy.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to teach internationally. My students were mega rich. Their mothers were beautiful and seemed to have it all.

However, the moms spent their days at the gym and maintaining their looks. Lot's of plastic surgery. Many of their husbands left them for younger women.

It is easy to be envious of them based on appearances. However, once you get a glimpse into their world the jealousy fades.I think those ladies work hard for those rich husbands but it is not a secure world.

I don't judge them nor am I jealous. It is their life to lead but I don't think I would be happy.

I am sure some might have legit happy lives but they are the minority. I would rather be middle class and happy.

I am going to take a guess that these ladies have prenups or aren't on the way to continue their lifestyles should their loaded husbands ditch them. So, they take working on their looks as a full time job, competition gets harder the older you get, not matter how beautiful you are, you cannot compete with the endless supply of younger women rich husbands tend to attract. It's a sad life in a way, but some of these women do make it work and manage to squeeze enough in divorce proceedings to continue living well without having to work a day for a living. They are still going to have it better just because they don't have to work for a living and aren't close to having to move to public housing either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

Haha, you don’t care if your spouse makes much because YOU come from a rich family. How can you miss that? I’ll bet you had DP help, fully funded education, and don’t have to worry about paying for your parents elder care?

DP but I am much more envious of people who come from wealthy families than I am of women who marry rich guys. Graduating from school without debt is such a gift. Plus wealthy families can also often help with down payments, or they pay for nice travel, or they'll pay for your kids childcare. Hell, I'm jealous of people who have parents who provide free childcare (and are young and interested in doing so).

I'd rather have a wealthy and supportive family than a high earning spouse. With a wealthy family, you have support and protection even if you never marry at all.

Totally agree, and being born into poverty where your family and most relatives remain poor can drag you down in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

Haha, you don’t care if your spouse makes much because YOU come from a rich family. How can you miss that? I’ll bet you had DP help, fully funded education, and don’t have to worry about paying for your parents elder care?

Yes, and? I said to be grateful for your advantages. My husband and I both came into adulthood debt free. We were each given a great head start. But our parents don’t support as adults (nor should they.) therefore- and I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you- our income determines the lifestyle we live. My dh does fine, but my income is necessary, and because he’s not “an investment banker or in big law” I don’t particularly have flexibility to stay at home with our young kids during this point in their lives, like my mom did and many spouses married to high income partners do. Instead, I’m burnt out parenting young kids while performing mediocrely in my corporate job. I’m not complaining and some people have it FAR worse than that, but others have it better, whether it’s through a high earning spouse or a lot of family money. It doesn’t help my life to be jealous of theirs, and I’m very grateful for everything I do have.



So my answer to OP is the answer to anyone who finds themselves jealous of anything- be grateful for what you have and change what you can. If OP wants to be rich, she should go to law school or get an MBA and go into finance herself. Or maybe she’ll meet her spouse at those schools, but hopefully they don’t realize she’s a gold digger.

Jaysus-H-Christ you are incredibly obtuse! You really don't realize how whiny,out of touch, and privileged you sound. You have NO idea of what it's like not to be financially secure. But, hey, we can all just go to law school and marry rich if we didn't want to be poor .... . I'm not saying being envious of women who marry rich is a good thing, but I do understand what it may feel like to wonder about it. FWIW - I grew up MC, married someone who is UMC and we live a decidedly comfortable UMC life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

This. I was dating a big law partner. Lots of money, hotel points, miles, etc. But he wasn’t present even when he was present because he was constantly working and on his blackberry. Now I’m with someone who makes about 120 but works forty hours a week. It’s a trade off. There are pros and cons to both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was rich, hot, and a great dad and spouse..than yeah, I might be drooling a bit!

Me too! But that combo is SO EXTREMELY RARE. Normally Big Law/C level etc = Big Ego and marital problems. I know too many women who stay married to cheating husbands for financial security. I'm so happy I have (and earn) my own money. Yes, my husband is rich... so am I. We are equals as is our power balance in the relationship. Have at me DCUM....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to teach internationally. My students were mega rich. Their mothers were beautiful and seemed to have it all.

However, the moms spent their days at the gym and maintaining their looks. Lot's of plastic surgery. Many of their husbands left them for younger women.

It is easy to be envious of them based on appearances. However, once you get a glimpse into their world the jealousy fades.I think those ladies work hard for those rich husbands but it is not a secure world.

I don't judge them nor am I jealous. It is their life to lead but I don't think I would be happy.

I am sure some might have legit happy lives but they are the minority. I would rather be middle class and happy.

Sounds like those wealthy, international parents were overpaying to have their kids taught by somebody who doesn’t know that the word “Lots” does not have an apostrophe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

Haha, you don’t care if your spouse makes much because YOU come from a rich family. How can you miss that? I’ll bet you had DP help, fully funded education, and don’t have to worry about paying for your parents elder care?

Yes, and? I said to be grateful for your advantages. My husband and I both came into adulthood debt free. We were each given a great head start. But our parents don’t support as adults (nor should they.) therefore- and I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you- our income determines the lifestyle we live. My dh does fine, but my income is necessary, and because he’s not “an investment banker or in big law” I don’t particularly have flexibility to stay at home with our young kids during this point in their lives, like my mom did and many spouses married to high income partners do. Instead, I’m burnt out parenting young kids while performing mediocrely in my corporate job. I’m not complaining and some people have it FAR worse than that, but others have it better, whether it’s through a high earning spouse or a lot of family money. It doesn’t help my life to be jealous of theirs, and I’m very grateful for everything I do have.



So my answer to OP is the answer to anyone who finds themselves jealous of anything- be grateful for what you have and change what you can. If OP wants to be rich, she should go to law school or get an MBA and go into finance herself. Or maybe she’ll meet her spouse at those schools, but hopefully they don’t realize she’s a gold digger.

Jaysus-H-Christ you are incredibly obtuse! You really don't realize how whiny,out of touch, and privileged you sound. You have NO idea of what it's like not to be financially secure. But, hey, we can all just go to law school and marry rich if we didn't want to be poor .... . I'm not saying being envious of women who marry rich is a good thing, but I do understand what it may feel like to wonder about it. FWIW - I grew up MC, married someone who is UMC and we live a decidedly comfortable UMC life.

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder. Nothing about the prior post is whiny- only agreeing that coming from financial security takes a lot of pressure off, but it doesn’t necessarily mean one doesn’t have to work for the rest of their life, or that they aren’t in the daily grind like everyone else. OP is whining about how not to resent people who have wealthy spouses, and really the only options are stop being jealous, attract a rich spouse (by being in the same circle, being equally impressive, not being a gold digger, and/or being pretty) or get rich yourself.

[Anonymous]

How do you know it is his money and not her family money OP? One of my good friends claims she grew up poor (I think, in her mind, it is a social experiment on how people potentially treat her), but her family is loaded. You just never know, OP.

Also, stay in your own lane - you never know anyone's full story, no matter what they try to show to the outside world. Some people try to look like they are perfect, and they are anything but.

The nicest guy in the world could be the world's biggest a-hole behind closed doors, with a troubled past.

Then again, once in a while, people can be almost perfect - so what? Is life a contest to you? How sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

Haha, you don’t care if your spouse makes much because YOU come from a rich family. How can you miss that? I’ll bet you had DP help, fully funded education, and don’t have to worry about paying for your parents elder care?

Yes, and? I said to be grateful for your advantages. My husband and I both came into adulthood debt free. We were each given a great head start. But our parents don’t support as adults (nor should they.) therefore- and I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you- our income determines the lifestyle we live. My dh does fine, but my income is necessary, and because he’s not “an investment banker or in big law” I don’t particularly have flexibility to stay at home with our young kids during this point in their lives, like my mom did and many spouses married to high income partners do. Instead, I’m burnt out parenting young kids while performing mediocrely in my corporate job. I’m not complaining and some people have it FAR worse than that, but others have it better, whether it’s through a high earning spouse or a lot of family money. It doesn’t help my life to be jealous of theirs, and I’m very grateful for everything I do have.



So my answer to OP is the answer to anyone who finds themselves jealous of anything- be grateful for what you have and change what you can. If OP wants to be rich, she should go to law school or get an MBA and go into finance herself. Or maybe she’ll meet her spouse at those schools, but hopefully they don’t realize she’s a gold digger.

Jaysus-H-Christ you are incredibly obtuse! You really don't realize how whiny,out of touch, and privileged you sound. You have NO idea of what it's like not to be financially secure. But, hey, we can all just go to law school and marry rich if we didn't want to be poor .... . I'm not saying being envious of women who marry rich is a good thing, but I do understand what it may feel like to wonder about it. FWIW - I grew up MC, married someone who is UMC and we live a decidedly comfortable UMC life.

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder. Nothing about the prior post is whiny- only agreeing that coming from financial security takes a lot of pressure off, but it doesn’t necessarily mean one doesn’t have to work for the rest of their life, or that they aren’t in the daily grind like everyone else. OP is whining about how not to resent people who have wealthy spouses, and really the only options are stop being jealous, attract a rich spouse (by being in the same circle, being equally impressive, not being a gold digger, and/or being pretty) or get rich yourself.

Sure you can be stuck in a grind, but you don’t have the Sword of Damocles over your head — if your career stumbles or your DH gets sick your family doesn’t end up on the street. My Parents live in a Medicare paid home, there’s no money and no house to move back to. It’s all on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, OP. Do you also feel jealous that my husband married rich?

X100. It’s so annoying that these threads imply that these dynamics apply to rich husbands vs. rich wives; there is an exploding population of rich people of both sexes.

[Anonymous]

I mean you can make him (and yourself) rich. That’s what I did. We married 10 years ago in our mid-late 20s. Each earning $100k. We then built a business together. DH does 80% of it but I provide a crucial 20% lift in the areas of my interest and expertise. I still only earn $200k at my day job. But the business made nearly a million before tax this year.

Bonus: we started out 50/50 in house and childcare. Over time that dynamic has shifted to maybe 60/40 since he works longer hours. But nowhere near as bad as a typical SAHM/high earner dynamic.

[Anonymous]

The best situation is not marrying into it. It’s being born into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mo money, mo problems

lol

No