Are we the Aholes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dog allergies and am fine as long as I don’t pet the dog. They aren’t all life and death. It’s even better when the dog doesn’t live in the home. BIL might just be a jerk.

+1

Yes, yes, we should assume your level of allergy to dogs is the niece’s allergy to dogs.

Are you BiL? What do you know about the niece or dog allergies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have dog allergies and am fine as long as I don’t pet the dog. They aren’t all life and death. It’s even better when the dog doesn’t live in the home. BIL might just be a jerk.

+1 BIL is the A$$h0!! because he is trying to dictate what goes on at someone else’s house. If the cookout was at his house, then he has the right. But he shouldn’t say anything regarding his parents’ house. I also have allergies, but not if pet is outside.

[Anonymous]

OP: Yes, the inlaws like the dog. Have never had an issue and even take it for walks while we are there. FIL has taught him to fetch a tennis ball and MIL has made him homemade treats.
Over COVID we visited with no issue because BIL was not there.
Only now that BIL and his family are wanting to get together all of the time is it an issue. Again, we didn't know it was an issue with niece when we got our dog and it is not just me who doesn't want to board it. DH does not want to leave it alone that much.
and we aren't rude, originally we declined invitations (after we know about the dog) and just said it didn't work. When MIL pressed why we werne't coming DH told her why and she said she understood but must have told BIL who is now making it a very large issue and calling DH an Ahole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dog allergies and am fine as long as I don’t pet the dog. They aren’t all life and death. It’s even better when the dog doesn’t live in the home. BIL might just be a jerk.

+1

+2 Would have to be really crazy strong allergies for someone to react to a dog 5 feet away outside. I think (WAG/speculation) the niece is afraid of dogs but that is a less socially acceptable reason than being allergic so they've settled on "sneezing" as a reason.

What? That’s not true at all. I have mild allergies and can tell when a cats been in the room.

The dog can be outside. It's a BBQ so assuming the weather is fine. This is overkill unless Niece has anaphylatic response, which I doubt. In any case, BIL is mad because the OP decided, rightfully, just not to go. That's OP's choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dog allergies and am fine as long as I don’t pet the dog. They aren’t all life and death. It’s even better when the dog doesn’t live in the home. BIL might just be a jerk.

+1

Yes, yes, we should assume your level of allergy to dogs is the niece’s allergy to dogs.

Are you BiL? What do you know about the niece or dog allergies?

I know the same as the people posting about how since they have mild dog allergies it’s all ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Yes, the inlaws like the dog. Have never had an issue and even take it for walks while we are there. FIL has taught him to fetch a tennis ball and MIL has made him homemade treats.
Over COVID we visited with no issue because BIL was not there.
Only now that BIL and his family are wanting to get together all of the time is it an issue. Again, we didn't know it was an issue with niece when we got our dog and it is not just me who doesn't want to board it. DH does not want to leave it alone that much.
and we aren't rude, originally we declined invitations (after we know about the dog) and just said it didn't work. When MIL pressed why we werne't coming DH told her why and she said she understood but must have told BIL who is now making it a very large issue and calling DH an Ahole.

You are free not to go as much as BIL is free to request no dogs. You don't have to drive hours and hours and board your dog if you don't want to.

[Anonymous]

4 hours each way is an overnight trip, or thats what OP has been saying.

Either the dog comes or it gets boarded.

But personally, I'm not boarding my dog or getting a sitter for it once or twice a month. Nope.

We would just see them less. Or parents can visit, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Yes. You don’t need to take your dog with you. Board it or get a Walker if you are just gone for the afternoon. A dog is not a child.

[Anonymous]

OP - can you take dog & go to inlaws house and then have BBQ at BIL's and leave dog at inlaws? This seems more reasonable. Then you can visit without dog and also not board the dog. BIL should be offering this as a compromise.

Otherwise, I would just say you are coming to inlaws with the dog and will have to see BIL and his family another time. Too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dog allergies and am fine as long as I don’t pet the dog. They aren’t all life and death. It’s even better when the dog doesn’t live in the home. BIL might just be a jerk.

+1

Yes, yes, we should assume your level of allergy to dogs is the niece’s allergy to dogs.

Are you BiL? What do you know about the niece or dog allergies?

I know the same as the people posting about how since they have mild dog allergies it’s all ok.

Whar does that have to do with this situation? Nobody knows the extent of the allergy. It may be mild for all you know as it is for many. You just hate dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You don’t need to take your dog with you. Board it or get a Walker if you are just gone for the afternoon. A dog is not a child.

It's really expensive to board a dog 1-2 times a month. It's more than just "it's not a child."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You don’t need to take your dog with you. Board it or get a Walker if you are just gone for the afternoon. A dog is not a child.

Again. Did anyone READ OPs post.
It is NOT for an afternoon. it is a FOUR hour drive 1 way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - can you take dog & go to inlaws house and then have BBQ at BIL's and leave dog at inlaws? This seems more reasonable. Then you can visit without dog and also not board the dog. BIL should be offering this as a compromise.

Otherwise, I would just say you are coming to inlaws with the dog and will have to see BIL and his family another time. Too bad.

OP here.
BIL Lives about 90 minutes from IL and actually someone we originally suggested but BIL doesn't like 'hosting' things and prefers IL house due to the size and set up. They have a beautiful property with lots of yard and trees and several fun things (4 wheeler, in ground trampoline, tennis court etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dog allergies and am fine as long as I don’t pet the dog. They aren’t all life and death. It’s even better when the dog doesn’t live in the home. BIL might just be a jerk.

+1

Yes, yes, we should assume your level of allergy to dogs is the niece’s allergy to dogs.

Are you BiL? What do you know about the niece or dog allergies?

I know the same as the people posting about how since they have mild dog allergies it’s all ok.

Whar does that have to do with this situation? Nobody knows the extent of the allergy. It may be mild for all you know as it is for many. You just hate dogs.

If it were severe woudl this not have come up in 12 years? The niece is 12 years old and OP and her husband (and inlaws it seems) never heard of this allergy until now??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Yes, the inlaws like the dog. Have never had an issue and even take it for walks while we are there. FIL has taught him to fetch a tennis ball and MIL has made him homemade treats.
Over COVID we visited with no issue because BIL was not there.
Only now that BIL and his family are wanting to get together all of the time is it an issue. Again, we didn't know it was an issue with niece when we got our dog and it is not just me who doesn't want to board it. DH does not want to leave it alone that much.
and we aren't rude, originally we declined invitations (after we know about the dog) and just said it didn't work. When MIL pressed why we werne't coming DH told her why and she said she understood but must have told BIL who is now making it a very large issue and calling DH an Ahole.

I see both sides. Question: is BIL & family -also- spending the night or is that just you guys? If it is both families then, yeah, you can't bring the dog unless it is going to sleep outside in a dog house or in the garage in a crate. But if BIL & family head home for the night then I don't see why you can't keep the dog outside all day, bring it in for the night after BIL & family leave, and then put it back out in the morning (on the off-chance that BIL & family come back over).