Are we the Aholes?

[Anonymous]

During COVID we got a puppy. The dog is great, doesn't bark, is 13lbs, loves to go on walks, friendly.
Our inlaws have no issue with the dog. We have brought it to their house (4 hours away) many times and they have visited our home.
With COVID now not preventing family get togethers my BIL (DH's brother) is asking we not bring our dog because his daughter doesn't like dogs and sneezes around them (may or may not be allergic).
We said we will not bring the dog for holidays, not a problem.

Well, they constantly want to get together at IL to make up 'for lost time' but ask we not bring the dog. DH said 'no' we won't be coming becuase we aren't leaving the dog home for just a grill out or an afternoon at IL.
Now IL are mad we aren't coming. BIL is made because we won't accommodate his requests and get together plans.

We said we would compromise and come up for a weekend next month but that was it.
Prior to COVID we would go up about 1x per month, which we still would do but not if we can't bring our dog.
So, are we the Aholes for not wanting to go up frequently to visit IL when we have to pay to have someone watch our dog each time?

*We did NOT know our niece did not like dogs and that she sneezed around them prior to getting one. She is 12 and this has never ever been shared with us.

[Anonymous]

Is there really no room to do outdoor stuff like grilling and have the dog there? I am pretty allergic and I have never sneezed at a dog outside, and if it’s just discomfort then it seems like that could be managed.

[Anonymous]

It is pretty rude to take a dog to a cookout when someone has asked you not to do that.

[Anonymous]

Why would you take your dog? Don’t be weird. And I say this as someone who owns a dog. Have owned many dogs. We don’t take our dog to cook outs or family get togethers.

[Anonymous]

How long are we talking about the dog being alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty rude to take a dog to a cookout when someone has asked you not to do that.

And rude not to go because of this. For family. Give a high schooler $20 to check in and walk the dog.

[Anonymous]

We take our dog because we have spent the night there typically since it is a 4 hour drive.
When we don't spend the night we still like to bring the dog and our IL have no issue with that. We typically leave our house around 7am and get back after 10:30pm. OUr dog can't hold his pee that long and with me working from home has never had to.
And we are FINE kenneling or hiring a dog sitter for holidays and things but 1-2 times a month seems a bit much to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty rude to take a dog to a cookout when someone has asked you not to do that.

And rude not to go because of this. For family. Give a high schooler $20 to check in and walk the dog.

A dog is part of a family. You get that right? People take them to brunch for effs sake. Some people like animals. others don't. But don't get made when someone says they aren't coming because you don't like their dog.

[Anonymous]

It’s good to find a couple trusted dog sitters.

You are saying that you prioritize your dog over you family. Of course, people are going to be hurt by that. What is this - a 12-14 hour total trip once a month? One you actually would make but for the dog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you take your dog? Don’t be weird. And I say this as someone who owns a dog. Have owned many dogs. We don’t take our dog to cook outs or family get togethers.

+1 I don't know if I'd call you Aholes, OP, but you do come across as weird dog owners. Is this your first dog? Because the "13 lbs, doesn't bark, can't leave it alone for a day for something so trivial as a family cookout" -- all of this reads like you've never had a pet before. Your dog is no longer a puppy and should be fine alone for a day.

If the dog is an excuse and you just don't want to see these people, stick to your guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We take our dog because we have spent the night there typically since it is a 4 hour drive.
When we don't spend the night we still like to bring the dog and our IL have no issue with that. We typically leave our house around 7am and get back after 10:30pm. OUr dog can't hold his pee that long and with me working from home has never had to.
And we are FINE kenneling or hiring a dog sitter for holidays and things but 1-2 times a month seems a bit much to us.

Dog walker. Back in the stone ages, like 2019, people worked outside the home and still had pets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty rude to take a dog to a cookout when someone has asked you not to do that.

True but why is OP considered rude for declining an invitation? Lots of people don’t want to board their dog or hire a sitter for every invitation. It’s not worth it so they pick and choose which things are important to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty rude to take a dog to a cookout when someone has asked you not to do that.

And rude not to go because of this. For family. Give a high schooler $20 to check in and walk the dog.

A dog is part of a family. You get that right? People take them to brunch for effs sake. Some people like animals. others don't. But don't get made when someone says they aren't coming because you don't like their dog.

I love dogs but no. The dog that niece is allergic to is not a necessary participant at every family gathering.

[Anonymous]

You are the aholes, yes.

[Anonymous]

If in-laws are fine with the dog, then BIL should have no say because it’s not his house. I hate being bossed around by someone who is just a guest. It’s not his house.