Are we the Aholes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op seems very reasonable to me. She has simply declined the frequent invites and didn’t insist on bringing the dog. It’s the BiL who is the AHole by demanding that OP’s family visit multiple times a month on his terms. OP is well within her rights to set boundaries on their families’ times. Personally I would not board my dog 2x / month just to see my A hole BIL.

I agree with this, and I would not want to make a trip like this, as often as this, even without the dog drama.

[Anonymous]

I see points from both sides
-In general, I find that people who take their pets everywhere and/or assume that everyone should be happy for them to bring their pets along are so self centered and don’t think of others. Not everyone likes animals. Many people are allergic. Many pets are not well trained/well behaved and many situations just aren’t appropriate for pets (like at a restaurant).
-I don’t think BIL should get to declare that you can’t bring a dog to your ILs. It’s not his house and he’s not hosting!
-I also don’t think BIL should be calling your DH an a hole. that seems like an extreme escalation. There must be some bad blood/a history of animosity between them.
- I also wouldn’t be driving 8 hours round trip 1x a month anyway, with or without a dog! That’s just too much. My in laws also live about 4 hours away. We love to see them but w that drive, we do it about 4-5x per year, not every month!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If in-laws are fine with the dog, then BIL should have no say because it’s not his house. I hate being bossed around by someone who is just a guest. It’s not his house.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family loves animals period but we definitely do not want my younger sister dog visiting. We discriminate on the dog breed. She has two Pitbull. Little sis always get a dog sitter for a day.

I understand this. You don’t want your sister visiting YOUR house. You get to make the rules. In this case, the BIL is making the rules for someone else’s house which is larger than his own and the host loves dogs. When OP offered to stay home, he gets mad that they don’t pay for a sitter and drive 4 hours to see him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty rude to take a dog to a cookout when someone has asked you not to do that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op seems very reasonable to me. She has simply declined the frequent invites and didn’t insist on bringing the dog. It’s the BiL who is the AHole by demanding that OP’s family visit multiple times a month on his terms. OP is well within her rights to set boundaries on their families’ times. Personally I would not board my dog 2x / month just to see my A hole BIL.

I agree with this, and I would not want to make a trip like this, as often as this, even without the dog drama.

+1. My family is also about 4 hours away and we make that trip 4-5 times a year. 1-2x a month? No way. I definitely wouldn't inconvenience my family or the dog by making that trip that often or boarding the dog with such frequency.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the rest of the thread but from the OP, OP is the ahole here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty rude to take a dog to a cookout when someone has asked you not to do that.

But it's not BIL's house - it's the inlaws house. BIL is asking them not to bring a dog to someone else's home. BIL is wrong. Niece can take a Zyrtec and dog can run around outside. Ridiculous.

And millions of people take a Zyrtec every day, including me and two of my kids, and do just fine. She hasn’t even tried. Very, very few dog allergies are severe. Sneezing won’t kill you and the dog can be outside anyway.

Leaving a dog home alone from 7:00AM to 11:00PM, with no way to go to the bathroom, as suggested by several here, is abusive. How would you like it if someone did that to you on a regular basis? And no, OP does not have to pay for a sitter to go to the ILs’ house unless the ILs tell them not to being the dog.

You hysterical anti-dog,”if you start putting dogs above huuuuumans there’s a prooooblem” are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can you take dog & go to inlaws house and then have BBQ at BIL's and leave dog at inlaws? This seems more reasonable. Then you can visit without dog and also not board the dog. BIL should be offering this as a compromise.

Otherwise, I would just say you are coming to inlaws with the dog and will have to see BIL and his family another time. Too bad.

OP here.
BIL Lives about 90 minutes from IL and actually someone we originally suggested but BIL doesn't like 'hosting' things and prefers IL house due to the size and set up. They have a beautiful property with lots of yard and trees and several fun things (4 wheeler, in ground trampoline, tennis court etc)

Well, BIL sounds selfish and spoiled. Time for him to learn the world doesn’t revolve around him and his fearful kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt Niece just developed a deadly dog allergy. Its either mild or nonexistent. If it is deadly the IL would probably be more forceful about the dog not visiting.

Allergies evolve, and can worsen rapidly, particularly in childhood. Late elementary is the typical age for allergies to appear then get worse. Last year, my 11 year old DD was not allergic to spring pollen. This year, I made the mistake of leaving her window open last night, and she needed steroid medication today!!!

So SHUT UP if you're so ignorant.

People lie or exaggerate about pet allergies when they are afraid of or don’t like animals. Someone in my own family has done this for decades.

So SHUT UP if you’re so ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, for those in the back.
These take place at the IL house
It is 4 hours from OP
OP is fine leaving dog at kennel for holidays/major events
Niece is 12 and alelrgies have never been mentioned
OP offered to leave dog at IL house and go to BIL house. He said no
OP spends night sometimes, BIL doesnt

Again, for the assh0les. People before pets. If someone asks you not to bring your pet, even if it's not their house, you don't bring the bloody pet. No matter the reason!

- dog owner.

That’s fine if it’s the BIL’s house. Otherwise it’s the homeowners’ choice. No matter the reason!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You are not A..h.... but BIL is. He has every right to ask that you not bring dog to his house but none for anyone else's house. However, I have a dog and a cat and would never even consider taking them to someone else's house. In fact, I put them in another room and close door when I have guests, unless I know them well and know they don't mind animals. Also, I don't want guests, or family, to bring their animals when invited over.

He does have that right, actually. Humans before other animals.

Nope. Their own pet over someone else’s kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt Niece just developed a deadly dog allergy. Its either mild or nonexistent. If it is deadly the IL would probably be more forceful about the dog not visiting.

Allergies evolve, and can worsen rapidly, particularly in childhood. Late elementary is the typical age for allergies to appear then get worse. Last year, my 11 year old DD was not allergic to spring pollen. This year, I made the mistake of leaving her window open last night, and she needed steroid medication today!!!

So SHUT UP if you're so ignorant.

Yikes. So does your DD avoid going outside 9 months of the year?

Can you read? This just happened today. For the coming weeks, we have all the medication we need so she can function.

But OP's situation is different. You cannot ask a child to medicate themselves for someone else's pet. That pet is not necessary to this child's functioning. So the pet needs to stay home.

If BIL doesn’t want the dog there when the ILs allow it, BIL can stay at his own blissfully dog free home. Or at least stop whining like a toddler when OP and family decline to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Truly, that is the worse of those pandemic dog owners.

They got a pet, and didn't think it through.

What exactly did you think would happen to the next 10 years of your life, OP? That you'd never go anywhere? That people would magically welcome your pooch with open arms?

I mean, it's hilarious.

Op said she boards the dogs for events but doesn't want to at the frequency BIL wants. Op said her family is fine not going. No whining but we're called Aholes.
I would be mad if my brother-in-law and inlaws asked to see me once a month even if there was no issue why I couldn't. The fact that she's even considering it she deserves a medal.

You can stop spinning this, PP or OP in disguise. OP clearly is in a huff because she doesn't want to pay for a sitter that frequently, when it's the norm around here. She's the idiot for not thinking of the ramifications of owning a dog. Her family cannot see her as often as they'd like, and it's all because OP won't get a sitter.

Sorry, but she takes the blame.

No. Absolutely not.