How to talk to 9yo about overeating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was overweight and throughout my entire life she fat shamed me. I was never fit enough for her. No I wasn’t skinny- I developed curves etc. but I definitely was in great shape for most of my life. But she always made me feel fat because of her own issues. When I look at photos of my younger self I’m so upset - I wasn’t fat at all. So back off is my advice.

+1 my parents also made me feel fat as a kid and always talked about what I ate - but I look at pictures now and I wasn’t even the least bit chubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90 lbs at age 9 doesn’t seem big to me, she’s likely prepubescent.

Really? Unless she’s really tall and definitely hittting puberty, that seems like a lot to me. My 9 yo weighs 60lbs and she’s pretty standard size.

60lbs is tiny for 9. They’re all over the place at this age. Mind weights 40lbs more than yours but she’s not overweight. She’s solid

Agreed but 90 pounds at 9 is kind of big. My 10 year old niece is 75 pounds give or take and 4’8”. My 8 year old niece is 68 pounds.

When we are talking about that age, you can’t make a generalization like that. This is the prime age for weight differences in girls. I think when DD was 9 she was 90lbs too and she got her period when she was 10. That is early but not the kind of thing the doctors office would worry about.

[Anonymous]

OP if you say something you’ll probably make your kid have disordered eating. I would guess she would start binging out of shame but she could also develop anorexia or bulimia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90 lbs at age 9 doesn’t seem big to me, she’s likely prepubescent.

Really? Unless she’s really tall and definitely hittting puberty, that seems like a lot to me. My 9 yo weighs 60lbs and she’s pretty standard size.

60lbs is tiny for 9. They’re all over the place at this age. Mind weights 40lbs more than yours but she’s not overweight. She’s solid

Agreed but 90 pounds at 9 is kind of big. My 10 year old niece is 75 pounds give or take and 4’8”. My 8 year old niece is 68 pounds.

There is a huge range of normal for 9-10 yo girls, some are getting their periods and nearly done growing, some are still absolutely tiny like pp's 60 pounder.

[Anonymous]

This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I don’t think you’re ready to listen to advice and are really just looking for some magic way to make your daughter eat less food. There’s clearly some food/weight shaming going on here and it’s not cool. Work on it. No excuses. Resources have been suggested. Do it now or regret it later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Yeah this is tough. But look at some studies in it: if you restrict, yourself or your kids, overeating is almost guaranteed. Do you restrict at home? And it doesn’t sound like the doctors advice is really relevant if you’re giving your kid beans and carrots in a regular basis. It’s all well and good for a pediatrician to encourage less processed foods, but the American academy of pediatrics explicitly endorses an approach to feeding your kids that avoids a lot of meddling in how much kids eat. I don’t mean to act bossy but I genuinely encourage you to look up what the AAP has to say about feeding your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I'm so sorry for your daughter. She's eating to make herself feel better and can't stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I don’t think you’re ready to listen to advice and are really just looking for some magic way to make your daughter eat less food. There’s clearly some food/weight shaming going on here and it’s not cool. Work on it. No excuses. Resources have been suggested. Do it now or regret it later.

I am truly open to any and all advice, but I don’t think letting her eat whatever she wants and as much as she wants is really good advice for a kid on track to becoming really heavy. There has to be something in the middle no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

For a kid who hasn’t been allowed the experiences that teach them to self regulate? 18 is very normal.

Kids learn from trying things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

I don’t think you’re ready to listen to advice and are really just looking for some magic way to make your daughter eat less food. There’s clearly some food/weight shaming going on here and it’s not cool. Work on it. No excuses. Resources have been suggested. Do it now or regret it later.

I am truly open to any and all advice, but I don’t think letting her eat whatever she wants and as much as she wants is really good advice for a kid on track to becoming really heavy. There has to be something in the middle no?

Ellyn Satter is in the middle.

[Anonymous]

When you run the weight and height you have given in the CDC’s child BMI calculator it doesn’t put her in the obese level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 9 year old taking candy is kind of normal so that would not concern me. I would just have grandma put it away next time.

I would just keep offering fruit and healthy between meal snacks. I would not talk to her about eating too much if it is healthy food.

Not normal at all. Only the kids who are shamed about food are hiding sweets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she hitting puberty? Kids tend to eat more around that time. Id take her to the doctor and rule out hormonal imbalances and get some suggestions from a professional. Personally I’m more on the side of don’t focus too much on her weight, but always rule out medical causes first.

They also tend to chunk out before shooting up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I want to clarify that she didn’t just eat a couple pieces of candy, which we definitely would not make a big deal about. My mom found 12 wrappers stuffed in the tissue box and these were those round Lindt chocolate truffle ball things. So that implies she ate 12 of those quickly at some point. She later found like 6 more jammed between couch cushions. So that means someone ate 18 fairly large chocolate balls in one day. That is why we are concerned. Sure 2-3 of them would be normal, maybe even 5. But 18?

And yes 90lbs isn’t the end of the world, but it makes her BMI fall into the obese category and our pediatrician said we need to encourage more healthy foods and less treats/processed foods. But basically according to responses it seems like we should set zero limitations and just let her eat whatever she wants. So basically damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Yeah this is tough. But look at some studies in it: if you restrict, yourself or your kids, overeating is almost guaranteed. Do you restrict at home? And it doesn’t sound like the doctors advice is really relevant if you’re giving your kid beans and carrots in a regular basis. It’s all well and good for a pediatrician to encourage less processed foods, but the American academy of pediatrics explicitly endorses an approach to feeding your kids that avoids a lot of meddling in how much kids eat. I don’t mean to act bossy but I genuinely encourage you to look up what the AAP has to say about feeding your kids.

Thanks, I will look it up.