Husband refuses to allow our child to see unvaccinated family

[Anonymous]

Um..... those kids on the playground are probably unvaccinated and the vaccine did not stop transmission amongst those kids who did get the shot. Your husband is being a jerk because he doesn't like your sister. See your sister and her family outdoors and don't worry about masks.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure your sister is well aware of what kind of husband you have. Sounds like this is the way neither side has to see each other again. But your husband doesn't get to dictate unilaterally who your son sees when it's clear that your husband has an agenda and this isn't only about his safety.

[Anonymous]

I have refused and will continue to refuse to see unvaccinated relatives, OP. I tell them that they should get the vaccine. One was stubborn and died from Covid complications. Her son has now said he will get vaccinated. Another relative, who has been anti-vaccine and anti-establishment for decades now, prefers to die rather than get a vaccine - at least she's consistent.

My husband and I are doctors and scientists. My husband works on Covid-19. We have seen first hand the devastation wrought on the medical and nursing professions, from trauma and PTSD generated by overwork and the psychological effects of knowing that part of the population does not care about them and has put them at risk for two years now. So many doctors and nurses have died, even while taking the best precautions and getting vaccinated, just because they are in a high-risk environment. They did not sign up for, or conceive of, a world where people would refuse the most elemental of protections. They should not be expected to grin and bear it, forgive and forget.

No. I will never see unvaccinated relatives.

We have traveled internationally when cases were low, with N95s / AirBnB / no dining indoors, etc, all necessary precautions, to see vaccinated family. We are out and about and adapt our behavior to case numbers.

But I will never knowingly do business with or be friends with people who refuse to consider other people's safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to let our son (3) see my unvaccinated sister, BIL and nieces. He describes my sister and BIL as selfish and dislikes them because they refused to get vaccinated for personal choice during the pandemic.

My husband takes methotrexate for rheumatoid arthritis and has been doing so for the past 10+ years. As a result he’s at higher risk of developing an infection and our son is too young to be vaccinated. My husband works from home and we outsource most things - groceries, etc.

But he refuses to see my family or let them see our son during family events. Our son will not maintain a mask and my sister refuses to wear one as well. My husband is perfectly fine with me going alone but has made it clear he will not be attending any family events with our son for an indefinite period of time.

I support him but WTF am I supposed to tell my sister?! Let me also add that my husband will take our son to the park to play around other kids and has taken him on an airplane once during the pandemic as well.

WTF your husband is insane and being a jerk. This is about control no Covid.

For starters them being or not being vaccinated does not change that they can catch and spread covid. Even if they were vaccinated they could still spread it to you and your son.

Second if you go visit them you could catch covid too and bring it home. My entire family is vaccinated and after my vaccinated son caught it we got it one after another. That fact that his is fine with you going proves my first point that this is all about either not wanting to spend time with them be being a controlling jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband saying you can go, but not your son, means it is not about his health. He’s just being spiteful. Period. It’s up to you how you want to deal with his ugliness.

A lot of people here are excusing it but let’s be real: there are plenty of safe ways to see unvaccinated family members such as outdoors. He’s using this as a convenient excuse for his own motives and doing so at the expense of your relationship with your sister. That’s selfish and unfair to you.

So, your husband is being a jerk and putting you in an unfair position. Act accordingly. If it were me I’d say the kid can’t be kept from his family and I’d be arranging outdoor meetups including the kid, and he can come or not come. But you can handle however you want.

Absolutely not true. What part of OP is vax'd, child is not, do you not grasp? And OP will mask, child will not? If OP's is fully vax'd and boosted, and tests, there are low odds of transmission to her family members. Direct contact when one is immunocompromised and one is unvax'd is an entirely different matter.

Not true at all. Omicron was the virus of the vaccinated. Everyone I know, including my family, that got it was vaccinated and easily spread it to the entire family. Oh and I had symptoms for a few days and still tested negative by a home test.

The vaccine does not prevent infection or spread so whether the sister is vaccinated or not does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’d have a point if it prevented transmission. But it doesn’t. So it’s a moot point on his end.

Exactly. This is about OP's husband wanting control. How else does he try to control you, OP?

+1

[Anonymous]

Did your relatives get covid already? If so - it's the same as being vaxxed.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2022/02/10/infection-vaccination-protection-mandates-cdc/

[Anonymous]

The Methotrexate is a great reason not to expose your DH. You do understand that if your DH gets COVID and is due for his Methotrexate, he probably won’t be able to take it until he’s well, which could mean his RA flares, right? I think maybe you don’t completely appreciate the often delicate balance it takes to control an autoimmune disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to let our son (3) see my unvaccinated sister, BIL and nieces. He describes my sister and BIL as selfish and dislikes them because they refused to get vaccinated for personal choice during the pandemic.

My husband takes methotrexate for rheumatoid arthritis and has been doing so for the past 10+ years. As a result he’s at higher risk of developing an infection and our son is too young to be vaccinated. My husband works from home and we outsource most things - groceries, etc.

But he refuses to see my family or let them see our son during family events. Our son will not maintain a mask and my sister refuses to wear one as well. My husband is perfectly fine with me going alone but has made it clear he will not be attending any family events with our son for an indefinite period of time.

I support him but WTF am I supposed to tell my sister?! Let me also add that my husband will take our son to the park to play around other kids and has taken him on an airplane once during the pandemic as well.

WTF your husband is insane and being a jerk. This is about control no Covid.

For starters them being or not being vaccinated does not change that they can catch and spread covid. Even if they were vaccinated they could still spread it to you and your son.

Second if you go visit them you could catch covid too and bring it home. My entire family is vaccinated and after my vaccinated son caught it we got it one after another. That fact that his is fine with you going proves my first point that this is all about either not wanting to spend time with them be being a controlling jerk.

He has an autoimmune disease you idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child can wear a mask on the airplane, he can wear the mask around your sister. Work on this. Offer better rewards. Start with short duration of mask wearing and work your way up to longer periods. Many children had to mask for school - your child can do this (and has!).

OP, your husband may have strong feelings about this, but it’s not solely his decision to make, and there is some middle ground here. You and your son can wear KN95 masks and meet outdoors at a time of low transmission. He may not like your family, but you still get a say here, and he is already exposing your son to unvaxxed people on airplanes and playgrounds.

If I was immunocompromised and my spouse took our child to visit unvaxxed and unmasked relatives against my wishes, I’d seriously consider divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your relatives get covid already? If so - it's the same as being vaxxed.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2022/02/10/infection-vaccination-protection-mandates-cdc/

Haha. Are you a Russian troll?

[Anonymous]

I refuse to let my kids see vaccinated family. Their behavior puts us at risk. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is right.

[Anonymous]

I’m not particularly Covid cautious for myself, but we lost a mom in our school community to Covid a few months back, and as far as I know, her only co-morbidity was rheumatoid arthritis and the drugs she was on for that. These are still not easy times for immune-compromised folks, and I can understand the dh’s caution. Team DH on this one.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds controlling as hell. I guarantee if it wasn’t about the jab, he’d make up some other excuse. I’d never let my spouse keep me from seeing my family. That’s your flesh and blood. Besides isn’t the husband vaccinated and boosted? If so, what’s he worried about? He’s protected. I hate when people use that “we all need to be vaccinated” excuse. It’s such a cop out.