Why do so many women love dysfunction & chaos?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ the answer is the same, OP. Different sides, same coin. The coin is the socialization process of people in this culture. One feeds the other.

And boy, there is *plenty* of dysfunction with men. We can talk about women in this thread, but let's not forget that.

If a retail worker is shot by an ex-partner, what are the odds you'll read THAT story and guess it might be a man who was shot? It's essentially always a woman. The raging man is a stereotype for a reason.

+100

OP I think that you might be missing some red flags if you don’t see dysfunction in men.

Men are not more or less dysfunctional than women…but men don’t seek out dysfunction like many women do.

They don’t?
I have seen quite a few men on this board say that they are looking for a younger woman who grew up with an absent father and has “daddy issues.”

1. I haven’t.
2. They’re looking for pretty women who want to have sex.

I know plenty of men who are very tepid and dull who are with dramatic women. I think they like the drama the wife brings while they remain more stoic. It seems to work for them. To each their own.

No, we enjoy the sex.

You are so pathetic. This is the most important relationship of your life other than (maybe) the relationship you have with your parents. This person has access to all of your finances and will bear and help raise your children, and you can’t think of any reason you might choose this person other than the sex?

That is so sad. No wonder men don’t have any friends.

NP here - I've been married for a very long time, I have two grown boys, three brothers and eight male cousins and, IMO, men can ignore a lot of not so great things in a woman if the sex is mind blowing. Of course they are looking for other qualities but sexual compatibility and attraction are kind of non-negotiable. This is my 2 cents, as a woman surrounded by men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ the answer is the same, OP. Different sides, same coin. The coin is the socialization process of people in this culture. One feeds the other.

And boy, there is *plenty* of dysfunction with men. We can talk about women in this thread, but let's not forget that.

If a retail worker is shot by an ex-partner, what are the odds you'll read THAT story and guess it might be a man who was shot? It's essentially always a woman. The raging man is a stereotype for a reason.

+100

OP I think that you might be missing some red flags if you don’t see dysfunction in men.

Men are not more or less dysfunctional than women…but men don’t seek out dysfunction like many women do.

They don’t?
I have seen quite a few men on this board say that they are looking for a younger woman who grew up with an absent father and has “daddy issues.”

1. I haven’t.
2. They’re looking for pretty women who want to have sex.

I know plenty of men who are very tepid and dull who are with dramatic women. I think they like the drama the wife brings while they remain more stoic. It seems to work for them. To each their own.

No, we enjoy the sex.

You are so pathetic. This is the most important relationship of your life other than (maybe) the relationship you have with your parents. This person has access to all of your finances and will bear and help raise your children, and you can’t think of any reason you might choose this person other than the sex?

That is so sad. No wonder men don’t have any friends.

NP here - I've been married for a very long time, I have two grown boys, three brothers and eight male cousins and, IMO, men can ignore a lot of not so great things in a woman if the sex is mind blowing. Of course they are looking for other qualities but sexual compatibility and attraction are kind of non-negotiable. This is my 2 cents, as a woman surrounded by men.

I get that. I was responding to a post saying that men specifically look to marry damaged women because the sex is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women like it when men are open and emotionally vulnerable.

It’s similar to how men like women who are open and enthusiastic in bed.

Yup, this. I actually met a man who says he intentionally shows his vulnerable side on first dates (unloads some major baggage, then talks about his recovery) because it hooks women so easily.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

Women don't seek out or like drama any more or less than men.
Men don't seek out or like drama any more or less than women.

They might express it differently, though.

I personally avoid drama. I don't have crazy or drama loving friends. I've never dated a crazy or drama loving man.

If you have crazy, drama loving people all around you, you might stop to look at yourself and your "picker" (e.g. who do you pick to hang out with?). In no instance do you have to be friends with or hang around with folks who love drama. Look at your family and review your FOO. Then reassess if you want to be friends or lovers with the crazy makers. Even family. I have a drama-loving cousin. I love her, I see her at family events, but I do not need to go there and be in her drama. So I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

Women don't seek out or like drama any more or less than men.
Men don't seek out or like drama any more or less than women.

They might express it differently, though.

I personally avoid drama. I don't have crazy or drama loving friends. I've never dated a crazy or drama loving man.

If you have crazy, drama loving people all around you, you might stop to look at yourself and your "picker" (e.g. who do you pick to hang out with?). In no instance do you have to be friends with or hang around with folks who love drama. Look at your family and review your FOO. Then reassess if you want to be friends or lovers with the crazy makers. Even family. I have a drama-loving cousin. I love her, I see her at family events, but I do not need to go there and be in her drama. So I don't.

Oh they can masquerade, VERY, VERY well. IT's the 'behind your back' stuff (and everyone else's) you don't see because they are masters at compartmentalization and lying picked up from childhood dysfunctional household. The man may appear to be a perfectionist: good looking, highly ambitious, successful and very loving---landing a woman from a family he wishes he had---but when he is depressed or unstable--that's when they seek out that drama--affairs, secret addictions, etc. with other unstable drama-seekers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

Women don't seek out or like drama any more or less than men.
Men don't seek out or like drama any more or less than women.

They might express it differently, though.

I personally avoid drama. I don't have crazy or drama loving friends. I've never dated a crazy or drama loving man.

If you have crazy, drama loving people all around you, you might stop to look at yourself and your "picker" (e.g. who do you pick to hang out with?). In no instance do you have to be friends with or hang around with folks who love drama. Look at your family and review your FOO. Then reassess if you want to be friends or lovers with the crazy makers. Even family. I have a drama-loving cousin. I love her, I see her at family events, but I do not need to go there and be in her drama. So I don't.

Oh they can masquerade, VERY, VERY well. IT's the 'behind your back' stuff (and everyone else's) you don't see because they are masters at compartmentalization and lying picked up from childhood dysfunctional household. The man may appear to be a perfectionist: good looking, highly ambitious, successful and very loving---landing a woman from a family he wishes he had---but when he is depressed or unstable--that's when they seek out that drama--affairs, secret addictions, etc. with other unstable drama-seekers.

.
I should have said "I've never seriously dated a crazy or drama loving man." .... because you can see their crazy. Of course they are out there. I just intend to never have a relationship with a drama seeker. Thus far: Success.

[Anonymous]

They’re nuttier than a fruitcake at Christmas

[Anonymous]

The man may appear to be a perfectionist: good looking, highly ambitious, successful and very loving---landing a woman from a family he wishes he had---but when he is depressed or unstable--that's when they seek out that drama

Riiight, there are no drama-seeking women, even mentally-ill women.

[Anonymous]

There are pages and pages of youtube videos on how men can become the dragon and so forth. The very definition of drama. Putin. Creating drama. It's not by feelings though. It's by destruction. Women naturally want to build people up being caretakers and emotional supporters. Men naturally want to protect and create. I wouldn't say either of these were void of drama. And if they are they are stagnating. Like the guy in that movie who has to have everything lined up in the cupboard but then rapes his wife and won't let her out of his sight.

There are dysfunctional people but naturally you are going to get women interested in helping you with something. It's their natural instinct. Just like if you present this same item to men they are going to dismiss or get up in arms about it. Very black and white which is why many men don't have other men to talk to about issues.

OP why are you talking to women about your issues? No men to talk to about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The man may appear to be a perfectionist: good looking, highly ambitious, successful and very loving---landing a woman from a family he wishes he had---but when he is depressed or unstable--that's when they seek out that drama

Riiight, there are no drama-seeking women, even mentally-ill women.

DP. You might think about why your black-and-white thinking leads you to read in things that aren't there. That would be a good topic for therapy.

Either/or, black/white, perfect/horrible, all/none -- if you consistently think in these terms, especially if you can only think in these terms, then the problem isn't with the world. The call is coming from inside the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

Women don't seek out or like drama any more or less than men.
Men don't seek out or like drama any more or less than women.

They might express it differently, though.

I personally avoid drama. I don't have crazy or drama loving friends. I've never dated a crazy or drama loving man.

If you have crazy, drama loving people all around you, you might stop to look at yourself and your "picker" (e.g. who do you pick to hang out with?). In no instance do you have to be friends with or hang around with folks who love drama. Look at your family and review your FOO. Then reassess if you want to be friends or lovers with the crazy makers. Even family. I have a drama-loving cousin. I love her, I see her at family events, but I do not need to go there and be in her drama. So I don't.

Oh they can masquerade, VERY, VERY well. IT's the 'behind your back' stuff (and everyone else's) you don't see because they are masters at compartmentalization and lying picked up from childhood dysfunctional household. The man may appear to be a perfectionist: good looking, highly ambitious, successful and very loving---landing a woman from a family he wishes he had---but when he is depressed or unstable--that's when they seek out that drama--affairs, secret addictions, etc. with other unstable drama-seekers.

THIS. This was my ex-DH and I was the woman from the family he never had. He had multiple affairs before I found out and divorced him. He's now with a much younger woman and has glommed on to her ideal family too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why do so many people love dysfunction & chaos?

Fixed the title for you.

Even better: why do straight women love dysfunction & chaos? The ones I can't date (my lesbian friends) are pretty well adjusted, mind you.

I was very unlucky for many years until I found a rational woman, ok with her body, happy being herself, with no desire to stab any other woman, etc. I was smart enough to ask her to marry me 15 years ago!

So, don't despair.

[Anonymous]

lesbian women have the highest divorce rate. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I get to know women, I see a drastic and almost-immediate shift in their demeanors once I mention any hardships that I am suffering from. In the blink of any eye, they go from barely making eye contact to vividly engaging with me as I unload my baggage.

Then, I remember a panel of women collectively sharing how insecure they are about not eating certain foods on a 1st date, especially foods eaten by hand like ribs - because it makes them appear “unladylike.”

Is the stereotype of women like bad boys rooted in their desire to feel “needed,” and because it alleviates their need to appear like a Virgin Mary, knowing they’re dealing with someone who is also imperfect?

Women are naturally nurturers, and a lot of women find themselves in situations (which they ultimately regret), of trying to fix a man. These are the types of women that you are attracting. You're coming off as humpty dumpty and these women want to put you back together again.

I don't think women choose bad boys because of their desire to feel needed, they choose them because of their desire to feel protected...by any means necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are pages and pages of youtube videos on how men can become the dragon and so forth. The very definition of drama. Putin. Creating drama. It's not by feelings though. It's by destruction. Women naturally want to build people up being caretakers and emotional supporters. Men naturally want to protect and create. I wouldn't say either of these were void of drama. And if they are they are stagnating. Like the guy in that movie who has to have everything lined up in the cupboard but then rapes his wife and won't let her out of his sight.

There are dysfunctional people but naturally you are going to get women interested in helping you with something. It's their natural instinct. Just like if you present this same item to men they are going to dismiss or get up in arms about it. Very black and white which is why many men don't have other men to talk to about issues.

OP why are you talking to women about your issues? No men to talk to about them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I get to know women, I see a drastic and almost-immediate shift in their demeanors once I mention any hardships that I am suffering from. In the blink of any eye, they go from barely making eye contact to vividly engaging with me as I unload my baggage.

Then, I remember a panel of women collectively sharing how insecure they are about not eating certain foods on a 1st date, especially foods eaten by hand like ribs - because it makes them appear “unladylike.”

Is the stereotype of women like bad boys rooted in their desire to feel “needed,” and because it alleviates their need to appear like a Virgin Mary, knowing they’re dealing with someone who is also imperfect?

Women are naturally nurturers, and a lot of women find themselves in situations (which they ultimately regret), of trying to fix a man. These are the types of women that you are attracting. You're coming off as humpty dumpty and these women want to put you back together again.

I don't think women choose bad boys because of their desire to feel needed, they choose them because of their desire to feel protected...by any means necessary.

This hackneyed and regurgitated excuse is not going to work anymore. Women don't do it because they're nurturers; they do it because it makes them feel needed and grants them the privilege of not having to maintain a certain level of decorum. Toxicity loves company, so women have an easier time in regard to letting their guard down around a dysfunctional man.