Why do so many women love dysfunction & chaos?

[Anonymous]

As I get to know women, I see a drastic and almost-immediate shift in their demeanors once I mention any hardships that I am suffering from. In the blink of any eye, they go from barely making eye contact to vividly engaging with me as I unload my baggage.

Then, I remember a panel of women collectively sharing how insecure they are about not eating certain foods on a 1st date, especially foods eaten by hand like ribs - because it makes them appear “unladylike.”

Is the stereotype of women like bad boys rooted in their desire to feel “needed,” and because it alleviates their need to appear like a Virgin Mary, knowing they’re dealing with someone who is also imperfect?

[Anonymous]

Why do so many people love dysfunction & chaos?

Fixed the title for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why do so many people love dysfunction & chaos?

Fixed the title for you.

Specifically, in the realm of dating. But even in friendships, I’ve never had another guy gravitate towards me because of my faults. Once we become comrades, then we open up about imperfections, but it’s with the goal of helping each other grow. If we aren’t doing that, the friendship’s expiration date is inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Because that's what they grew up surrounded by so that's their comfort level.

[Anonymous]

People love dysfunction and chaos because it's what they are used to and/or it suits their personality.

[Anonymous]

They grew up around dysfunction so they perceive that familiarity as love or a connection.

Women are socialized to be emotional supports and fixers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why do so many people love dysfunction & chaos?

Fixed the title for you.

Specifically, in the realm of dating. But even in friendships, I’ve never had another guy gravitate towards me because of my faults. Once we become comrades, then we open up about imperfections, but it’s with the goal of helping each other grow. If we aren’t doing that, the friendship’s expiration date is inevitable.

How many close female friends to you have, and how many close male friends?

How many of either of these are as close as a romantic partner?

Why do guys with baggage unload it on the women they date or marry, turn that corkscrew up hard, and then rage out when the women leave them?

[Anonymous]

Women like drama. Men don't.

Look at reality TV shows. Most of the viewers are women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People love dysfunction and chaos because it's what they are used to and/or it suits their personality.

False, I’ve seen this phenomenon in women who are well-adjusted and grew up in stable households. This isn’t a “nice guys finish last,” commiseration. These women don’t want to date assholes; they just want a man who takes the pressure off of them to appear like wife material.

[Anonymous]

^^ the answer is the same, OP. Different sides, same coin. The coin is the socialization process of people in this culture. One feeds the other.

And boy, there is *plenty* of dysfunction with men. We can talk about women in this thread, but let's not forget that.

If a retail worker is shot by an ex-partner, what are the odds you'll read THAT story and guess it might be a man who was shot? It's essentially always a woman. The raging man is a stereotype for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Because they are socialized to be empaths and caretakers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women like drama. Men don't.

Look at reality TV shows. Most of the viewers are women.

Way too generalized. I had a BF after my divorce who said he was so happy to be with someone who wasn't always yelling and full of crazy drama like his ex. Eventually he got bored with the lack of drama in our relationship and left me for a woman who was nuttier than his ex. Early in their relationship they both got arrested for domestically abusing each other in the front yard! He had never even had a speeding ticket much less a criminal charge before that. It was not the end of their relationship though. He was more comfortable with the drama than with a peaceful life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ the answer is the same, OP. Different sides, same coin. The coin is the socialization process of people in this culture. One feeds the other.

And boy, there is *plenty* of dysfunction with men. We can talk about women in this thread, but let's not forget that.

If a retail worker is shot by an ex-partner, what are the odds you'll read THAT story and guess it might be a man who was shot? It's essentially always a woman. The raging man is a stereotype for a reason.

And 9 times out 10, the women knew this guy had a few screws loose, and that’s why she pursued him in the first place despite the protestations of her friends and family.

Once again, this category of men also includes nice guys. Women will drop their panties for a “nice guy” who whines about how his ex-girlfriends cheated him and the like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they are socialized to be empaths and caretakers.

This hackneyed and false excuse isn’t going to work. Women are survivalists by nature. After finding a mate, they can become caretakers if they choose to have any kid(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I get to know women, I see a drastic and almost-immediate shift in their demeanors once I mention any hardships that I am suffering from. In the blink of any eye, they go from barely making eye contact to vividly engaging with me as I unload my baggage.

Then, I remember a panel of women collectively sharing how insecure they are about not eating certain foods on a 1st date, especially foods eaten by hand like ribs - because it makes them appear “unladylike.”

Is the stereotype of women like bad boys rooted in their desire to feel “needed,” and because it alleviates their need to appear like a Virgin Mary, knowing they’re dealing with someone who is also imperfect?

What's truly strange is many of them don't want to appear "unladylike", but so many truly are unladylike.