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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I got engaged to my girlfriend - now fiancé, on Valentines Day. We have been together for a year and I thought I saw my life with her, but her new attitude is making me question everything. We got along great - very much on the same page with major goals, etc. Now it seems like she has changed her mind about major things. Some of the comments she has made about her having a big ring, an expensive house, and her quitting her job to have kids right away, is nothing of which we talked about the entire year of our relationship. I feel like with a different person than the one I was dating. We have had some small talks about these things and she has changed her mind on every important decision. I’m seriously considering having a heart to heart talk and putting our engagement on hold, if not ending the relationship. I need advice on how to navigate this. [/quote]

Heart to heart talk, absolutely. Ending relationship? Totally depends on how it all goes down. I mean this kindly, but being together for a year is nothing. That doesn't mean that can't work for some people. But at 30 and 35, you guys are just wrapping your heads around what it mean to start a family, share huge financial decisions, make career moves that fit all that, etc. She's watching her contemporaries do the same thing and it's easy to get swept up in a vision for what life "should" look like, especially if you're not the one footing the bill (and I say this as both the higher earning spouse and a women who has felt pangs of desire to live above our means). Before you pull the plug on this thing, lay out your concerns as a PP suggested. Don't do it defensively, but just in the way you've described. You're concerned that the two of you aren't on the same page about big life goals. That's crucial to discuss prior to marriage. Also be honest with yourself about what you heard from her prior to engagement. Did you really inquire about what she wanted? Or assume she wanted what you wanted? No criticism, I've been on both sides of that coin.

I will say your statement about ending it sounds like you've got a foot out the door. And if you do, now's the time to get out. It's painful but not as painful as a life you don't want. Good luck.[/quote]

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