40 year old mom here and met a 56 year old

[Anonymous]

You’re forty! When I was forty I was easily able to get dates with me in their forties! I’m sure you can, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Interesting that the replies are so negative. I’ve never dated older, but I don’t have the same visceral, knee-jerk NO that almost every single PP has had.

NP. Yeah, there's a strong visceral fear on this site of becoming a caretaker to an older partner or husband. That assumes that the man is going to get sick/weak/whatever. Well, while statistically men tend to die before women etc. -- we don't know THIS individual man's family history, personal history or attitude toward his own health and fitness. He could be in great shape now and stay in good shape. It's really early for people to be projecting OP can't even date this man because she'll end up caretaking. Good grief.

Plus, most posts are assuming OP is husband-hunting so should avoid a man this much older that she is. OP, if it's just dating at this point, why not date him? Don't let posters here who are leaping ahead past your future wedding (!) stop you from simply going on dates.

And if he's a fantastic person and you fall in love with each other, well, to be frank, that can trump even illness and other issues in the future. DCUM looks at things very transactionally at times -- "You'll be a caretaker, you don't want to spend your years doing that!" as if love between the partners doesn't factor into anything. I'm NOT saying you're lining up to fall in love, marry, and be a caretaker here; I'm still in the "just date him and enjoy it" camp. But if you were to end up as a couple, relish that. You're individuals, not DCUM stereotypes of 40-something mom wanting a husband and older guy wanting a caretaker.

Lol... the only thing worse than becoming a caretaker to a man who dies in his 70s is becoming a caretaker to an old man who hangs on even longer and then dies in his last 80s- 90s. Even more worst-case scenario, you take care of him, and the strain is so great that you predecease him, preceded by you spending your last good years caretaking, only to die in your mid-60s early 70s.

He dances at your funeral and then sells off everything and spends the whole wad on hookers and blow.

[Anonymous]

No one should encourage a 40 year old woman with a child/children to date a 56 year old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should encourage a 40 year old woman with a child/children to date a 56 year old man.

If she's just dating him when she doesn't have her kids and he blows her mind and is generous, why not? I don't think it's a good idea long term. At the very least OP, I'd suggest taking it very slow, keeping him away from your kids, and only see him if he's really, really making you happy in the moment, as there is most likely no long term payoff for you on this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one should encourage a 40 year old woman with a child/children to date a 56 year old man.

If she's just dating him when she doesn't have her kids and he blows her mind and is generous, why not? I don't think it's a good idea long term. At the very least OP, I'd suggest taking it very slow, keeping him away from your kids, and only see him if he's really, really making you happy in the moment, as there is most likely no long term payoff for you on this relationship.

You just cemented why I said no one should encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's gonna need pills to keep it up soon. Go younger.

LOL Many women would hope for that or those pills don't work.

It's a big age difference. If he is a good person and has a good retirement then it could be a nice future OP. Just be realistic. If you marry odds are you will be a young widow which may not be a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and wouldn't date someone that old. My boyfriend is 40.

+1

I am 44; my boyfriend is 38.

-1

Ew, as a guy, dating older women is gross. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and wouldn't date someone that old. My boyfriend is 40.

+1

I am 44; my boyfriend is 38.

-1

Ew, as a guy, dating older women is gross. Sorry.

Tell that to my DH who is 7 years younger!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and wouldn't date someone that old. My boyfriend is 40.

+1

I am 44; my boyfriend is 38.

-1

Ew, as a guy, dating older women is gross. Sorry.

Tell that to my DH who is 7 years younger!

Put him on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner is 13 years older than me. He happens to be a healthy and wonderful person. I love him so much, and he loves me. We are both divorced and together as we are able, given other obligations. Don’t worry about the age- you can ruin a wonderful thing by agonizing over something that will have an unknown impact on your relationship in the long term. I’d rather have a healthy, kind, loving, compatible but older partner than a younger one I don’t like as much/not good chemistry, or someone with mental health issues (ugh AVOID). Age is a case by case issue. If you love him, you will want to love/support him, however that manifests for you. Some of these grouchy responders say they don’t want to be caregivers- ok, fine. You do what feels right to you. If you prefer someone closer to your age, don’t fall in love with this old fogey. Plenty of other people out there… best wishes.

How about having a good relationship with someone more age appropriate rather than a good relationship with someone much older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

44yo man and it is so easy to date in the 22-26 range the past few years I'm surprised by the reaction as well.

That must be because women closer in age to you are completely grossed out by you wanting to date women who have just graduated from college and are the same age as their kids while you have been working for 20 years. Why did you never grow up?

I would date them but too many in the 38-42 range still are hoping to have kids. That is not in the mind at all of a woman who is 23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

44yo man and it is so easy to date in the 22-26 range the past few years I'm surprised by the reaction as well.

That must be because women closer in age to you are completely grossed out by you wanting to date women who have just graduated from college and are the same age as their kids while you have been working for 20 years. Why did you never grow up?

I would date them but too many in the 38-42 range still are hoping to have kids. That is not in the mind at all of a woman who is 23.

Nor is it in their mind that they want you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and wouldn't date someone that old. My boyfriend is 40.

+1

I am 44; my boyfriend is 38.

-1

Ew, as a guy, dating older women is gross. Sorry.

you have no idea what you missing out on
- another guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

44yo man and it is so easy to date in the 22-26 range the past few years I'm surprised by the reaction as well.

That must be because women closer in age to you are completely grossed out by you wanting to date women who have just graduated from college and are the same age as their kids while you have been working for 20 years. Why did you never grow up?

I would date them but too many in the 38-42 range still are hoping to have kids. That is not in the mind at all of a woman who is 23.

Nor is it in their mind that they want you.

DP - may be very difficult for you to comprehend but there are plenty of younger women who want to have their fun with older guys. you can keep telling yourself what you want to hear/believe, but there are facts that are plain to see.

During my post-divorce single days (about a decade ago) I had younger women (good 10-15 years younger than me) approach/flirt with/hit on me. Sure it was an ego boost but I wasn't particularly interested as I was focused on women around my age. But it wasn't difficult to go that route if I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and wouldn't date someone that old. My boyfriend is 40.

+1

I am 44; my boyfriend is 38.

-1

Ew, as a guy, dating older women is gross. Sorry.

you have no idea what you missing out on
- another guy

Sorry, I agree with a man not dating women 7 years older. As a woman, I wouldn’t date a guy 7 years younger; same with dating a much older man. Nope.