40 year old mom here and met a 56 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 46 and wouldn't date someone that old. My boyfriend is 40.

+1

I am 44; my boyfriend is 38.

[Anonymous]

NP. Interesting that the replies are so negative. I’ve never dated older, but I don’t have the same visceral, knee-jerk NO that almost every single PP has had.

[Anonymous]

44yo man and it is so easy to date in the 22-26 range the past few years I'm surprised by the reaction as well.

[Anonymous]

I married someone 17 years older and we have three kids together.

At the time I had a rule that I wouldn’t date someone more than 10 years older, but then life happened.

[Anonymous]

Date him but don’t get serious or committed, and if you sense you are getting too attached, then leave. The nurse’s maids comments are very real and it’s not the future you want. But it could be a nice relationship for the moment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:44yo man and it is so easy to date in the 22-26 range the past few years I'm surprised by the reaction as well.

I thinking dating is no big deal, but it’s too big an age gap for married life- unless the guy is super rich, then they can hire help to take care of him in the later years, and she can continue to live comfortably.

[Anonymous]

If you like him and are attracted to him, and he seems like a good person, go for it.

[Anonymous]

I have two friends who married a man 13-15 years older. It works well for them right now, in their 40s/50s, but consider if this were to last long term. My grandmother married 17 years her senior and had been a widow for literally 30 years. I know that’s a possibility for anyone regardless of the age difference, but it’s much more probable when he’s already a senior citizen.

[Anonymous]

What others said about keeping it not serious.

DH is six years older than I am. We are in our 50s. I could not imagine being with someone who is almost 70 at my age (early 50s). DH is pretty "young", in good shape. But, if he was 70, and I am early 50s, that physical difference would be more pronounced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married someone 17 years older and we have three kids together.

At the time I had a rule that I wouldn’t date someone more than 10 years older, but then life happened.

That is gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date him but don’t get serious or committed, and if you sense you are getting too attached, then leave. The nurse’s maids comments are very real and it’s not the future you want. But it could be a nice relationship for the moment!

This this this. He can be Mr. Right Now, but is too much older than you to be Mr. Right.

[Anonymous]

He won't be functioning, sexually, for long. This is not good for you Op. This relationship is not good. And I'm concerned that you seem to be impressed by him - so flattered he would want someone so much younger. Of course he wants someone young. Duh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married someone 18 years older than me. I think you can date someone any age, OP. You're not making any kind of commitment here.

Date someone any age? Just because you can, does not mean you should! You married someone 18!years older than you, I already know you have poor judgement. Don’t give advice, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Interesting that the replies are so negative. I’ve never dated older, but I don’t have the same visceral, knee-jerk NO that almost every single PP has had.

NP. Yeah, there's a strong visceral fear on this site of becoming a caretaker to an older partner or husband. That assumes that the man is going to get sick/weak/whatever. Well, while statistically men tend to die before women etc. -- we don't know THIS individual man's family history, personal history or attitude toward his own health and fitness. He could be in great shape now and stay in good shape. It's really early for people to be projecting OP can't even date this man because she'll end up caretaking. Good grief.

Plus, most posts are assuming OP is husband-hunting so should avoid a man this much older that she is. OP, if it's just dating at this point, why not date him? Don't let posters here who are leaping ahead past your future wedding (!) stop you from simply going on dates.

And if he's a fantastic person and you fall in love with each other, well, to be frank, that can trump even illness and other issues in the future. DCUM looks at things very transactionally at times -- "You'll be a caretaker, you don't want to spend your years doing that!" as if love between the partners doesn't factor into anything. I'm NOT saying you're lining up to fall in love, marry, and be a caretaker here; I'm still in the "just date him and enjoy it" camp. But if you were to end up as a couple, relish that. You're individuals, not DCUM stereotypes of 40-something mom wanting a husband and older guy wanting a caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He won't be functioning, sexually, for long. This is not good for you Op. This relationship is not good. And I'm concerned that you seem to be impressed by him - so flattered he would want someone so much younger. Of course he wants someone young. Duh!

Oh, good old DCUM. Every relationship is, first, foremost and to the bitter end, about sexual performance. Sure, it's important. But it is not the universal be-all and end-all between two human beings. Except of course here, where one is owed perfect sex for a lifetime, and if one doesn't get that, one is entitled to dump the less-than-perfect partner. You people are all libido and no heart' it's all about the act itself, not the act as an expression of anything greater. I pity your spouses and partners whom you'll leave at the first sign of ED, low drive, illness or injury. Please don't marry and create expectations in someone that you actually care for that person as a person and not just as a convenient sex partner. How shallow and sad.