s/o finding a half sibling placed in adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

It doesn't have to be about relationships at all. However, the record needs to be set straight. People need to understand their origin story- including the children who were kept by a birthparent because they need to know who their siblings are,who their family tree is. This goes far beyond people in question..it affects all generations going forward. It also affects the original nuclear family- they need to know who their parents really were and what they were responsible for. But, no one needs to be close or even have a relationship. It's just about truth.

You are projecting your needs and wishes onto others who don’t feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Im not sure if I’m the first to break it to you but other people are different than you and may have different opinions and preferences. The fact that you’d would thing “nbd” learning of a sibling doesn’t mean it’s wrong to other people to have a different reaction. Hope that helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

It doesn't have to be about relationships at all. However, the record needs to be set straight. People need to understand their origin story- including the children who were kept by a birthparent because they need to know who their siblings are,who their family tree is. This goes far beyond people in question..it affects all generations going forward. It also affects the original nuclear family- they need to know who their parents really were and what they were responsible for. But, no one needs to be close or even have a relationship. It's just about truth.

You don’t need to know who your parents really were. Be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Ok so let's flip it around. You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth. You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life". Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer? Why or why not? Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Ok so let's flip it around. You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth. You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life". Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer? Why or why not? Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.

I have several friend who were adopted who choose not to look. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why do you feel you have to push your viewpoint onto others? Yours needs aren't someone else's needs.

Some birthparents are horrible people and its best to leave things alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Ok so let's flip it around. You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth. You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life". Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer? Why or why not? Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.

I have several friend who were adopted who choose not to look. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why do you feel you have to push your viewpoint onto others? Yours needs aren't someone else's needs.

Some birthparents are horrible people and its best to leave things alone.

NP, but it sounds like YOU are pushing your viewpoint on others - your view that its NBD so someone should act accordingly ... you are the one bothered by another's actions and are trying to change them.

[Anonymous]

OP here

Thanks for the stories and ideas, sounds like I will try Ancestry next, but also just let it lay for the most part and try and be patient, I am out there if she wants to find me.

As background, my mother wants contact (see my OP where I state she put her information on file) but she is also from another generation and doesn't fully realize how advanced these DNA databases can be used for finding connections, she also has an intense fear of rejection (that the child will hate her for what she did) that prevents her from being too active of a pursuant on the matter. So I am just trying to nudge the search along as I can, while not keeping secrets from my mom about what I am doing, and trying and make sure everyone is comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Ok so let's flip it around. You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth. You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life". Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer? Why or why not? Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.

No I wouldn’t. It would make zero difference to me

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I shared my story a couple years ago on here. I was gifted 23 & Me by my MIL as she thought it may lead me to find my birth father. My mom had refused to tell me anything about him. I took the test and was shocked to see 4 1/2 siblings pop up in my results. The real kicker was that 3 of them were on my mom’s side. Lots of messaging and digging later… my mom secretly had 3 boys after me and gave them up for adoption. She was in her 30s, never married. My adopted sister on my dad’s side and I worked together (and did ancestry) with cousin matches and found our dad’s obituary, which led to an older brother. It took me a very long time to process all the things and heal from my mother’s lies and the time denied with my siblings and deceased father. My relationships with all of my siblings but one are very strong, and I love that my kids have gained so much extended family as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never knew of anyone who used 23andme. I think ancestry is more popular. Try that.

+1

New poster here.
My friend used 23 and me to find biological relatives.
In her case, she was not adopted, she lived with her mom but her mom claimed she had no idea who my friend's father was. A few years ago my friend (in her early 30s at the time) used 23 and me and was connected with a cousin from her biological father's side. The cousin was able to put my friend in touch with her bio dad--and now they have a close relationship!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ancestry is much more popular than 23 and me.

Which one is related to the Mormon church?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

I can’t help wondering about all these absolute pronouncements the same person keeps making, when others are posting their experiences that their relationships with their genetic relatives ARE significant. I can’t help but think it is an adoptive parent who wants to minimize the significance of genetic connection.

I grew up with a sibling who I can barely stand, and I have two genetic half-sisters, one who found is when I was in my 20’s and one who I found in my 40’s. I am much closer to both of them than I am to the sibling with whom I share 50% DNA and shared childhood memories. I “click” with one sister in an uncanny way. I have a tremendous amount of things in common with my other sister. Our physical resemblance and the resemblance of our children to each other or our mother is meaningful. They are my FAMILY. They were before I ever knew them.

Just because you don’t grow up with people doesn’t mean they are not your family. My granny lived on another continent and I didn’t have a relationship with her ‘till I turned 19, but she was my family. Just because I didn’t know my sister yet then doesn’t mean she is any less my family.

Your mileage may vary. But for me, DNA connections are significant and important.

Wishing OP luck finding her sibling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Ok so let's flip it around. You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth. You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life". Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer? Why or why not? Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.

I have several friend who were adopted who choose not to look. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why do you feel you have to push your viewpoint onto others? Yours needs aren't someone else's needs.

Some birthparents are horrible people and its best to leave things alone.

NP, but it sounds like YOU are pushing your viewpoint on others - your view that its NBD so someone should act accordingly ... you are the one bothered by another's actions and are trying to change them.

You don't seem to understand that today adoptions can look different and some of us KNOW what the other side looks like and its not good. You think I should encourage my child to seek out a birthfather who is a criminal and drug addict (many arrests, violence with guns, drugs)..... and, just hand them over for visits and unrestricted contact. The same one who was abusive to their birth mom. One of the reasons why my child was placed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Ok so let's flip it around. You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth. You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life". Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer? Why or why not? Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.

I have several friend who were adopted who choose not to look. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why do you feel you have to push your viewpoint onto others? Yours needs aren't someone else's needs.

Some birthparents are horrible people and its best to leave things alone.

NP, but it sounds like YOU are pushing your viewpoint on others - your view that its NBD so someone should act accordingly ... you are the one bothered by another's actions and are trying to change them.

You don't seem to understand that today adoptions can look different and some of us KNOW what the other side looks like and its not good. You think I should encourage my child to seek out a birthfather who is a criminal and drug addict (many arrests, violence with guns, drugs)..... and, just hand them over for visits and unrestricted contact. The same one who was abusive to their birth mom. One of the reasons why my child was placed?

The fact that you think you have some control, or any control, over your child's pursuits vis a vis his biological family is the most interesting point here. You don't. When he can, he will or will not seek these people out and it's easier than anyone thinks. Nothing you say, or think, or preach will change the fact that your child has an entire other genetic history and presence in this world beyond you. This is for your child to determine- not you. Secondly, it doesn't matter who his birth parents were or what their behavior was. They still represent your child's story from day one- and that includes people that came before your child's birth parents-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and afterward...siblings, cousins, etc. They come with genealogical geography, personalities, facial features and interests...they come with a narrative of how they came to be.

Your narrative, your history, your parents, your siblings, cousins- and your genes are not actually your child's. You are his legal parent, but you don't own his entire narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to. It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.

Focus on your own family.

I think most people think a sibling is family. Again, louder for those in the back- a SIBLING. As in- "another child your parent (s) had." Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin once removed or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling.

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents. A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?

No, I am content with my life and the people in it. I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with. We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on. I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship. Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference. As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to). Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.

Ok so let's flip it around. You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth. You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life". Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer? Why or why not? Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.

I have several friend who were adopted who choose not to look. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why do you feel you have to push your viewpoint onto others? Yours needs aren't someone else's needs.

Some birthparents are horrible people and its best to leave things alone.

NP, but it sounds like YOU are pushing your viewpoint on others - your view that its NBD so someone should act accordingly ... you are the one bothered by another's actions and are trying to change them.

You don't seem to understand that today adoptions can look different and some of us KNOW what the other side looks like and its not good. You think I should encourage my child to seek out a birthfather who is a criminal and drug addict (many arrests, violence with guns, drugs)..... and, just hand them over for visits and unrestricted contact. The same one who was abusive to their birth mom. One of the reasons why my child was placed?

Yeah, no one has suggested handing your kid over to anyone.