s/o finding a half sibling placed in adoption
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Anonymous
You didn’t answer my question. If you found out tomorrow you have NO genetic relationship to anyone you have known your entire life, would you still claim DNA doesn’t matter? What would YOU do? Not your adopted friends. You, tomorrow, no DNA relationships because they all went poof. |
Anonymous
First of all, I am not the person you asked a question of. I am a person who has, in fact, lived my entire life without knowing any genetic relatives until I was in my 20s- that's when I had my kids. I grew up in an ethnicity that wasn't mine, a culture that was lent to me, physicalities that weren't mine, and I watched my family interact with their family- parents, siblings, cousins and watched how they smiled the same, had the same forehead ridge, shared experiences and stories of their immigrant family. Everyone who met us said things like "Well where did YOU come from? The milk man?" * cue laughter of all the adults, with a quick save like "Oh you're so pretty" My friends , when we were kids, always asked if I wondered who my real parents are. I used to peruse magazines to see what people looked like from other countries. I decided I was French. I'm not, but it sounded cool. I could go on and on. So, yes, I had a lifetime of knowing what I wasn't. I wanted to know who I was. I wasn't looking for a family. I had a family. I was looking for my story, and I deserved that. My kids deserve that, and all future generations. |
Anonymous
Very, very well said. An adoptive parent may not like the actions or behavior of a relinquishing parent. In fact a first mother or father may be a loathsome, abusive person. But those are not the only kinship bonds that matter. An child lost yo this family through adoption may come to treasure that his or her story does not begin with that birth parent but rather begins with grandparents and great grandparents who have stories and whose narratives may provide inspiration and connection. Relationships with generic siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews may all be significant and meaningful. You can dissolve legal bonds to a family but they are still family, and those connections can be important and meaningful. |
Anonymous
you don't seem to understand ... most of this thread is discussing the BABY SCOOP AREA as the OP is discussing finding a child that was forced into adoption in the 60s ... context is important. Also, no post said to "encourage your child to see out a birthfather" it's literally a post about the half sibling looking for the adoptee! not encouraging the adoptee to search for anyone |
Anonymous
Ahhh the heated poster as provided more context. They have a child with an estranged parent (abusive drug addict) so they are projecting their fears of their child being reunited with this birth parent on the OPs thread. |
Anonymous
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op here with an update ... but not about myself, but my best friend (who is adopted) .... they were just contacted by a sister on Ancestry!!!! this gives me hope I may find my sister
I bought my own Ancestry kit this morning (to supplement 23andMe and GEDMatch), fingers crossed it gives me a positive connection as well 
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Anonymous
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NP and finding it interesting how the people in favor of locating siblings who were given for adoption seem to feel at least mostly sure that the newly found sibling will want the contact and maybe a relationship. What if you locate this person only to be rejected? Will you pursue them, or wait but still hope they "come around?" Asking seriously. I figure that if they're in a genetic database they might also be seeking relatives, and might therefore be assumed to be open to contact and possibly a relationship. But that's not a given, even if they've used Ancestry or 23 and Me. Or they could regret doing the genetic testing and might back off once the reality of "found" siblings comes along. What if it blows up their world to have someone contact them and say they're a sibling? How do you, as the person doing the "finding," think you'll react if you're treated coolly, or even told to back off? Asking seriously. Not everyone wants to be found or wants to know their story, as someone above calls it. |
Anonymous
You aren't getting it. Its pretty sad. |
Anonymous
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OP, last year I took an Ancestry DNA test and am still working to unravel my paternal findings. However, I’ve learned a lot over the past year. Here are some tips:
1) Absolutely take an Ancestry DNA test because that database is approximately 20 million people. If your mother and known sibling will also take tests, that is even better. Do not mark your results private. You need to make them public at least until you have completed your search. Also use your full name in your user ID so your sibling can find you, assuming that’s what you want. 2) Ancestry allows you to create a profile. Suggest you put up a nice picture of yourself with some basic information. Be sure to keep it light and positive. 2) Facebook has private groups like DNA Detectives that you can join for additional tips and search advice. YMMV 3) If you have your DNA on Ancestry, 23andMe, and GEDmatch, you should be fine. **Except** my biggest lead thus far came from MyHeritage, surprisingly enough. Frankly, if you are serious about your search I would put your DNA there and also on FamilyTreeDNA. Your best chance for success is on Ancestry. Good luck! |
Anonymous
 oh my
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Anonymous
DP. I agree that that PP isn't getting that not everyone considers their story as going back to and beyond his or her birth parents. Not everyone cares about the "narrative" of their biological relatives. I say this as someone who does care about that for myself (not adopted), but I know adoptees who really do not feel or want the kind of connection that PP insists is essential. I understand and respect that it means a great deal to that PP but I think the PP doesn't grasp that someone might not feel the same way at all. At least, that doesn't come across in that last post above. It's not universally true that everyone wants or cares about that narrative. Some people either just don't feel that, or they feel their adoptive family's narrative is theirs too, and they don't see why birth parents and "people who came before [their] birth parents" are somehow part of their story in any way but as a DNA sequence. That probably sounds cold and unfeeling to those here who insist that people should want to know their biological relatives. But I am very close to one adoptee in particular and this is how he feels, and he's extremely affectionate and emotional as a person. He just doesn't feel a craving or need to know details other than what he already knows about why his parents put him up for adoption. |
Anonymous
Nicely said. |
Anonymous
I agree. My mother was not raised by her biological family. She has had no interest learning about or meeting her biological family. She has never wanted to connect to them or learn about her "birth narrative." She has her reasons which are not only no-one's business, but they should be respected. |
Anonymous
Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above  ...come on....
Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents. |
Anonymous
Respected by whom? Who is forcing her to search? This is an odd answer. Did you miss a point here in trying seem like a new poster? |