Reply to s/o finding a half sibling placed in adoption

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you unhappy? Unfulfilled? I really don’t get the draw to want to have relationship with every person you are related to.  It’s ok to not know a half sibling, or care.
 
Focus on your own family.  [/quote]
I think most people think a sibling  is family.   Again,  louder for those in the back- a SIBLING.  As in-  "another child your parent (s) had."  Sibling. 50% of your DNA or 25% if it is a half sibling.

Not a second cousin  once removed  or some aunt from the "old country." A sibling. [/quote]

A sibling is a sibling because you were raised together by the same parents.  A “sibling” that shares 25% DNA that was raised by different people in a different location all their life if no more family to you than a random stranger [/quote]

You feel very strongly about this. Was there a situation in your own life that has led you to feel this way?[/quote]

No, I am content with my life and the people in it.  I just don’t get the obsessive nature of people seeking out those they share DNA with.  We are all related somewhere down the line. If I found out my dad had another kid at some point, and they lived in Jersey, I would just file it under interesting things and move on.  I wouldn’t make it some mission to seek this person out and start up a relationship.  Blood relation shouldn’t make a big difference.  As evidence by the family forum here, plenty of people don’t like those related to them and chose not to keep up a relationship (or would like not to).  Plenty of people have friends that are closer to them than some of their blood relatives. Sharing DNA has little to do with personal compatibility with a person.  [/quote]

Ok so let's flip it around.  You find out tomorrow that YOU were adopted or switched at birth.  You are not genetically related to a single person you know in your "very content life".  Do you still think you would not look for ANY family to get answer?  Why or why not?  Next, please explain how your answers differ from the OP who is looking for a lost relation.[/quote]

I have several friend who were adopted who choose not to look.  Why is that so hard for you to understand?  Why do you feel you have to push your viewpoint onto others?  Yours needs aren't someone else's needs.

Some birthparents are horrible people and its best to leave things alone.[/quote]

NP, but it sounds like YOU are pushing your viewpoint on others - your view that its NBD so someone should act accordingly ... you are the one bothered by another's actions and are trying to change them.[/quote]

You don't seem to understand that today adoptions can look different and some of us KNOW what the other side looks like and its not good.  You think I should encourage my child to seek out a birthfather who is a criminal and drug addict (many arrests, violence with guns, drugs)..... and, just hand  them over for visits and unrestricted contact.  The same one who was abusive to their birth mom.  One of the reasons why my child was placed?[/quote]
The fact that you think you have some control,  or any control, over your child's pursuits vis a vis his biological family is the most interesting point here. You don't.  When he can, he will or will not seek these people out and it's easier than  anyone thinks. Nothing you say, or think, or preach will change the fact that your child has an entire  other genetic history and presence in this  world beyond you. This is for your child to determine- not  you. Secondly, it doesn't matter who his birth parents were or what their behavior  was. They still represent your child's story from day one- and that includes people that came before your child's birth parents-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and afterward...siblings,  cousins, etc.  They come with genealogical geography,  personalities, facial  features and interests...they  come with a narrative of how they came to be.

Your narrative, your history, your parents, your siblings,  cousins- and your genes are not actually your child's.  You are his legal parent, but you don't own his entire narrative.  [/quote]

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