Wedding invitation/Issue

[Anonymous]

You are lame to not want to go without your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t leave my teen alone in a hotel. No way, no how. So yes, I would have done the same thing as you.

Unless your kid has major disabilities, that's incredibly controlling and strange. Talk about not letting them have any space or ability to navigate the world around them without mommy there every single second. Your kid is going to be so glad to get away from your clutches, albeit ill prepared.

[Anonymous]

If no child was involved, and DH was unable to go due to a previous commitment or out of town on business, would you not go ahead and go by yourself to your sister’s wedding? Or would you skip it because you didn’t want to go without him? Don’t quite get skipping sister’s wedding when going alone is an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, my sister is getting married - 2nd wedding - and told me my teen can come to the ceremony but not the reception because it's adult only. After discussing with my DH, we decided to all go to the ceremony, but not go to the reception. We don't feel comfortable leaving our teen alone and I don't want to go to the reception without my DH.

I wrote a very nice long response basically telling her that we are so happy for her, excited to witness her getting married and share in her joy. However, we won't be attending the reception.

Now, I find out my sister is very mad at me for not going to her reception. My parents are refusing to go to the reception because we're not going (and they're also mad my teen wasn't invited) and there is all this drama.

I thought I did the right thing. I mean, isn't the rule that she's allowed to not invite whoever she wants and I'm allowed to not go? By the way, we have a very small family so the only people on my sister's side of the wedding are her kids (early 20s), my parents, and me and my family. Everyone else at the reception will be friends and the groom's kids. My parents nor I would know anyone at the reception.

Was I wrong to gracefully (at least I think it was graceful) decline the reception invite? The wedding is about 2 hours away so we'll be traveling and staying at a hotel for the event, which I'm doing only to attend the ceremony.

All we know so far on the guest list is:
bride+groom
bride parents, sister+her DH, bride's 20-24 year old kids [2 or 3?]
groom kids- assume 2-3 in their twenties.

I get 12-14 people plus friends of the couple. Relatives of the groom? Give it a few, maybe 4? I guess it's a small wedding of less than 35 people with no seat for the teen unless they bump a friend or friends that are a couple. Maybe there will be a decline or cancellation and a seat for the kid.

Maybe it's at a winery or brewery and you have to be 21+??

[Anonymous]

Since your parents don’t want to go to the reception without your DC, would they stay with her so you and your DH can go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately I think this is less a wedding etiquette question and more a family with bad relationships all around, unfortunately.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed that she didn't include a teenager (I get "no kids" weddings, but teens aren't the same as toddlers) but I don't understand why you wouldn't just go without your husband. You don't have to stay late, just have dinner and toast the couple and enjoy some cake and go back to the hotel.

[Anonymous]

This is your sister's wedding and you refuse to go to the reception without your husband? what the hell is wrong with yoU?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, my sister is getting married - 2nd wedding - and told me my teen can come to the ceremony but not the reception because it's adult only. After discussing with my DH, we decided to all go to the ceremony, but not go to the reception. We don't feel comfortable leaving our teen alone and I don't want to go to the reception without my DH.

I wrote a very nice long response basically telling her that we are so happy for her, excited to witness her getting married and share in her joy. However, we won't be attending the reception.

Now, I find out my sister is very mad at me for not going to her reception. My parents are refusing to go to the reception because we're not going (and they're also mad my teen wasn't invited) and there is all this drama.

I thought I did the right thing. I mean, isn't the rule that she's allowed to not invite whoever she wants and I'm allowed to not go? By the way, we have a very small family so the only people on my sister's side of the wedding are her kids (early 20s), my parents, and me and my family. Everyone else at the reception will be friends and the groom's kids. My parents nor I would know anyone at the reception.

Was I wrong to gracefully (at least I think it was graceful) decline the reception invite? The wedding is about 2 hours away so we'll be traveling and staying at a hotel for the event, which I'm doing only to attend the ceremony.

All we know so far on the guest list is:
bride+groom
bride parents, sister+her DH, bride's 20-24 year old kids [2 or 3?]
groom kids- assume 2-3 in their twenties.

I get 12-14 people plus friends of the couple. Relatives of the groom? Give it a few, maybe 4? I guess it's a small wedding of less than 35 people with no seat for the teen unless they bump a friend or friends that are a couple. Maybe there will be a decline or cancellation and a seat for the kid.

I see no reason to assume it's such a small wedding. OP says they have a small family so the only people "on her sister's side of the family" are her adult children, parents, and sibling. But the groom's family will be there, as will the couple's friends. That "everyone else" at the reception could be a larger number.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't add up, because every wedding I have ever been to has been open bar and most have had kids. In no way does open bar mean kids can't be there. I had an open bar and 10 teenage cousins at my wedding.

I suspect that might be why your parents are mad. Your sister is not prohibited from including you child. She chose not to.


Regardless, your sister gets to choose the invitees and you (and your parents) get to choose whether or not to attend. End of story. She doesn't get to be mad that you elect not to go under the circumstances she has chosen.

[Anonymous]

So because your teen can't go to a party, you aren't going to go and support your sister whom you already said only has her family coming and you are opting out? I'd be pissed at you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I can't imagine not inviting my own damn teen niece or nephew to my wedding, even if adults only. Ceremony but not reception? Gtfo.

I agree. I don't get all the hate toward op. I think the sister is a jerk and I wouldn't participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I can't imagine not inviting my own damn teen niece or nephew to my wedding, even if adults only. Ceremony but not reception? Gtfo.

Especially if the groom’s side has children at the reception!

She said the Groom's children, not children on the groom's side. The bride and groom are allowed to bring their kids to their wedding and reception even if no other kids are allowed. Geezus people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify some points. My teen has SN and is cognitively delayed - we can't leave her alone at home or at a hotel. I am pissed at my parents. They said they aren't going because my sister is excluding my teen so regardless of whether I attend the reception alone - they are not going.

I am not judgmental at all and not resentful. I was very nice and she already knows about my teen and the situation. I thought that she knew we wouldn't be able to go and she sort of expected it by her invite.

And, to clarify, she did originally tell me that even though it was adults only, it was that way because it's an open bar but she talked to them...wait let me get the text and say exactly what she originally said:

"[Teen] is invited - the reception is "adult only" bc of open bar but I told them about [teen] so they are prepared."

Then afterwards, she wrote and said they are "orchestrating and planning" as an adult only party so [teen] can't go.

That's when I let her know that I will celebrate her marriage and we'll attend the ceremony but won't be able to make the reception.

Open bars have no bearing on inviting kids. Adults only weddings are something that every couple has the right to do, but I just think they are gross. My brother just got married in December and my 12 and under nieces and nephews had an absolute blast. Weddings are about getting family together to celebrate the married couple and kids are very much a part of that. If you have an adults only wedding then you have to expect that some people with kid will not attend.

Also why the hell would people tell OP to go without her husband? Maybe I am just weird, but every wedding my husband and I go to always brings about good memories of our own wedding and life we have built together.

Yes you are weird and codependent on your husband and children to be able to attend adult activities and have a good time. Other people's wedding enjoyment don't hinge on your children being there. Paying $30 for chicken fingers and watching them running around the venue screaming is not enjoyable. and P.S. children don't like weddings.

If you are one of those women who can't do anything without your husband and/or your children for your sibling, that tells me everything I need to know about you.

[Anonymous]

I suspect the reception is at a bar with a hard and fast rule about no one under 18. Leave DH with daughter and go for at least a little bit. Asking the bride to change her venue for one person, perhaps a few people, is too much to expect.