Wedding invitation/Issue

[Anonymous]

Heck with your sister and it’s her 2nd go around anyway. I wouldn’t go at all. Done…

[Anonymous]

Meh, I'd skip and just go on a fun little getaway with the family.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

100% agreement. I’d skip the entire thing—the crying out loud, it’s second wedding. Go to the courthouse and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a special educator and a special needs parent I am just going I add that parents that tiptoe around their special needs children’s emotions and deny them experiences like learning how the world works (you are seriously going to keep the existence of wedding receptions a secret) and the opportunity to experience disappointment are harming their children. I see it often and every family I know who would make this choice has a child whose transition to adulthood goes badly.

If you can’t go for the sake of your sister, then go for the sake of your child.

How is this tiptoeing, though? OP let her daughter know she's not not invited to the reception (sidenote: since when does an open bar mean kids can't come? the bartender wouldn't serve them, so what difference would it make?). Experience of disappointment achieved! If OP were insisting that her sister HAS to invite her daughter because the most important thing is her daughter's feelings, that would be inappropriate. .

I don't see why OP is so wrong for not wanted to attend without her husband. If she wanted to go without him because she thought it would still be fun, I'd get that. If she thinks the standard reception activities won't be fun without him, why should she go? It's not prime hangout time with her sister, who'll be otherwise occupied. She's not responsible for her parents' decisions.

She is wrong because you don’t go to a sibling’s wedding reception primarily for the FUN. You go to be there for your family member. You go to show your support for this new marriage and for celebrating it. I HATE wedding receptions. But I go to be part of an important societal ritual for new couples. I cannot fathom the cruelty of her sister and parents not showing up for the sister because she’s having a no-kids reception. (Which frankly I think is stupid…the only thing I Adam enjoy about some wedding receptions are seeing the kids dance and have fun.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve read all the way through and I still think you should go. DH and daughter should have a fun movie and pizza picnic at the hotel while you go to the grownup party. Your sister is very hurt. She obviously wants you there. There is NO reasonable reason not to go. It’s rare to find DCUM unanimous in this but it is clear that you should go. Your sister will be MUCH more hurt and pretty much forever, vs your daughter who can have fun with her dad at a hotel and will have enjoyed the ceremony earlier. Your daughter has enough cognitive awareness to understand that some things are for kids and some just grownups. You can simply say your sister thought at first that she could come to the after party but then found out the rules said she couldn’t.

Your parents are absolutely off the chain and them not attending is unforgivable. If you think it is because of your daughter you had better be VERY clear with them that you don’t want them to do that.

This is the right answer. It doesn't mean the sister acted nicely -- she's being a jerk too, especially if she personally told your daughter she'd be invited, and then left it to others to correct that. But as our parents all told us, two wrongs don't make a right. Have your husband and daughter stay at the hotel, or even perhaps at home -- why should they have to fly, stay in a hotel, etc, to attend a one-hour wedding and not the reception. But you should go. Your parents should too but that's on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

My biggest issue with OP is that she complained to her parents about her sister not inviting the teen. We are not 8 years old, you should not be going to mommy and daddy any time you have an issue with your sibling. She should have worked it out with her sister and not gotten the parents involved. Sister is getting married and her own parents have chosen her sister over her and are boycotting her wedding all because the venue won't allow a teenager.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

[Anonymous]

No one has mentioned it, but why should OP support the marriage of her sister to a man whose children and grandchildren she (sister) hates? Sister should NOT be marrying this guy if she hates his children. There is no way that turns out well. It's deeply unfair to the groom and his family. I've seen this scenario play out, and it was ultimately painful for everyone, including the second wife. I would not encourage or support my sister in making such a bad decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your sister didn’t want you there like you wrote, OP, then she wouldn’t be upset that you aren’t going.

OP here. My mom told me that my sister was upset. She said that they told my sister how upset they were that my daughter wasn't invited and how they weren't going and how my sister is upset about everyone not going.

Another pp pointed out that unless I hear it directly from my sister I shouldn't assume she's mad about me and in thinking about it, I believe now that my sister is mad about my parents not attending and not about me.

OP, put on your big girl panties and call your sister. Don't text her, don't go through your parents, CALL HER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

Nah, still effed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am with you.
Inviting/disinviting your daughter was a shitty move.

Absolutely. I am appalled. That would not fly in my universe. We don’t exclude one person. Especially not the SN niece. What the actual hell?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

Nah, still effed up.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

I don't have any "hate" towards OP but she did herself a GREAT disservice by not being totally honest and upfront in her OP. She definitely needed to mention that she and her sister have a history (can you imagine WRITING your sister with all the reasons why), the needs of her daughter, etc. When you bury the lede, you need to expect to get what you get. At this point, I am taking all of OP's posts with a walloping spoonful of salt because she writes straight with a crooked tongue. Her family sounds messed up and she seems like she is a big part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

+1