Wedding invitation/Issue

[Anonymous]

So, my sister is getting married - 2nd wedding - and told me my teen can come to the ceremony but not the reception because it's adult only. After discussing with my DH, we decided to all go to the ceremony, but not go to the reception. We don't feel comfortable leaving our teen alone and I don't want to go to the reception without my DH.

I wrote a very nice long response basically telling her that we are so happy for her, excited to witness her getting married and share in her joy. However, we won't be attending the reception.

Now, I find out my sister is very mad at me for not going to her reception. My parents are refusing to go to the reception because we're not going (and they're also mad my teen wasn't invited) and there is all this drama.

I thought I did the right thing. I mean, isn't the rule that she's allowed to not invite whoever she wants and I'm allowed to not go? By the way, we have a very small family so the only people on my sister's side of the wedding are her kids (early 20s), my parents, and me and my family. Everyone else at the reception will be friends and the groom's kids. My parents nor I would know anyone at the reception.

Was I wrong to gracefully (at least I think it was graceful) decline the reception invite? The wedding is about 2 hours away so we'll be traveling and staying at a hotel for the event, which I'm doing only to attend the ceremony.

[Anonymous]

How old is your teen?

[Anonymous]

Can't your teen stay in the hotel during the reception for a few hours? You and DH can go to the reception and stay for dinner and leave (two hours, tops?).

It's your sister. And while yes, you both get to dictate your terms, maybe you can bend a little for the sake of supporting her.

I would be mortified if I was your sister - a small wedding and her entire family doesn't show up for the reception. I mean, she should invite your kid, but maybe she's worried if she does she will have to invite 10 other kids from the other family's side.

Be nice if you can.

You don't have to go, but you are hurting her feelings and sort of enabling your parents to do the same.

[Anonymous]

By the letter of the law, sure, you can respectfully decline, but with context surely you can see how this hurts your sister.

I understand you don't want to attend the reception without DH, but what would be so bad about eating a meal with your parents and ducking out early? Especially since you are already traveling and paying for a hotel.

I think you have options, here - you should attend part of the reception.

[Anonymous]

Presuming your teen is very young (as in doesn’t babysit or do any activity requiring a level of independence) or you will be in a location where they aren’t comfortable staying alone, you really can’t leave your DH behind? You wouldn’t be alone because your parents are there. (In theory) At least if you and your parents went it would be a show of support for your sister. I do feel bad that her entire family is ditching her. That’s very cruel for your parents to lay this guilt trip. so normally yes, you are entitled to not have to attend but in this circumstance there is so little family that I feel like there’s an accommodation you all can make to not leave your sister alone on her wedding day.

[Anonymous]

Why can't your teen stay alone? Is the teen 13? That ought to be old enough to stay alone pretty much anywhere, no?

It's your sister--you couldn't have just discussed this and said you don't want to leave him/her alone for whatever reason? Or get a sitter if you're that uncomfortable? I mean yes, by the rules of ettiquette you're in the right, but she's not your 4th cousin twice removed or your high school friend you talk to 1x per year.

[Anonymous]

Wow. There’s obviously more to this. I can’t believe your parents aren’t going to the reception. Or you for that matter. I understand not wanting to go to a random colleague’s wedding solo, but your sister’s wedding?! And with your parents there (I assume they’d go of you did.) os your teen cognitively impaired? I’m also unclear on why you can’t leave him/her.

[Anonymous]

I think she should have invited your teen (I understand not wanting a bunch of preschoolers running around, but a teen?), but she didn't, and I think you should be the bigger person and go with or without your DH. I also don't understand why the teen can't stay behind at the hotel.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t leave my teen alone in a hotel. No way, no how. So yes, I would have done the same thing as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t leave my teen alone in a hotel. No way, no how. So yes, I would have done the same thing as you.

Strike this, I misread your husband as not traveling. If he is traveling with you, I would have him stay at the hotel with the teen and go solo to the reception.

But in no way would I leave the teen alone in another city in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

I can understand not wanting to leave a teen alone, but I can't understand at all not being able to go to a family wedding for your own family without your DH.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine not inviting my teen niece to the reception.

[Anonymous]

Yeah that would be the nuclear option in either dh or my family (and I feel like our families are normal, not crazy). I only have small kids but they're usually invited to the ceremony (everyone likes a flower girl/ring bearer) but not invited to reception. We've traveled with a grandparent or we get a babysitter at the hotel. Even if your teen is only 13, I see no reason why they couldn't stay at a hotel by themselves for 4 hours! It's your sister, not some random coworker.

[Anonymous]

Is the reception at the hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, my sister is getting married - 2nd wedding - and told me my teen can come to the ceremony but not the reception because it's adult only. After discussing with my DH, we decided to all go to the ceremony, but not go to the reception. We don't feel comfortable leaving our teen alone and I don't want to go to the reception without my DH.

I wrote a very nice long response basically telling her that we are so happy for her, excited to witness her getting married and share in her joy. However, we won't be attending the reception.

Now, I find out my sister is very mad at me for not going to her reception. My parents are refusing to go to the reception because we're not going (and they're also mad my teen wasn't invited) and there is all this drama.

I thought I did the right thing. I mean, isn't the rule that she's allowed to not invite whoever she wants and I'm allowed to not go? By the way, we have a very small family so the only people on my sister's side of the wedding are her kids (early 20s), my parents, and me and my family. Everyone else at the reception will be friends and the groom's kids. My parents nor I would know anyone at the reception.

Was I wrong to gracefully (at least I think it was graceful) decline the reception invite? The wedding is about 2 hours away so we'll be traveling and staying at a hotel for the event, which I'm doing only to attend the ceremony.

Wait so there will be kids at the reception? Just not your teen?