Leaving a man's apartment...is this a red flag, or no?

[Anonymous]

I think as others noted it depends on the circumstances re waiting w you for the Uber. Texting when you get home from the Uber is somewhat ridiculous to worry about as a divorced 40 year old. I think it’s actually nice. He assumes you’re an adult who has been maneuvering this world successfully for 40 years before the 3 times you met him and presumably will continue to do so whether or no you continue to date him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red flag is that he’s in his 40s and still in an apartment.

Ha! My NYC apartment is gorgeous and worth way more than your shit shack.

I was thinking the same thing. Many big city apartments are gorgeous and expensive. The fact that they’re rentals doesn’t in any way diminish the resident.

An apartment that is not fancy/gorgeous doesn’t diminish the resident either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do women do this for men? Seems a bit sexist to insist only men do something like that.

It's also sexist that more women are raped and sexually assaulted than men. So until that stat evens out as well, I'd day expecting a smidge of concern at 12:30 am is ok.

+ YES - thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do women do this for men? Seems a bit sexist to insist only men do something like that.

It's also sexist that more women are raped and sexually assaulted than men. So until that stat evens out as well, I'd day expecting a smidge of concern at 12:30 am is ok.

+ YES - thank you!

Disagree. Do you expect everyone in your circle to call or text you when you are out of sight? When you go to the store? Leave or come from work or the gym? You and op were not in any more danger than you were at any other point during the day.

The idea that you need a guy to check up on you this way comes from the same system of beliefs that feels women are essentially helpless children who should have a male guardian at all times and ironically it's the same system of beliefs that promotes a rape culture.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t even occur to me to expect someone to do this - I mean I’m 40 and survive day to day without someone checking in and escorting me around so I’m not sure why I’d suddenly feel that need for “protection” just bc someone was a date unless you felt like the building was unsafe or something and you’d have asked a non date person you were visiting there (friend / sibling etc) to do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red flag is that he’s in his 40s and still in an apartment.

Ha! My NYC apartment is gorgeous and worth way more than your shit shack.

I was thinking the same thing. Many big city apartments are gorgeous and expensive. The fact that they’re rentals doesn’t in any way diminish the resident.

An apartment that is not fancy/gorgeous doesn’t diminish the resident either.

Why tf would a single person live in a house? Terrible use of money in a completely undiversified investment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an actual, grown adult who actually manages to get around the city during the day and (gasp) at night, too, I don’t need my date to cosplay Protective daddy and all the messed up power/misogynistic dynamics that come with that. What else do I need protection from? My friends? Voting? Working? Math?

Just not my kink, YMMV.

I understand if it not your thing, but misogynistic?? That’s BS.

You may not like it , but pp is correct that this type of thinking is a form of misogyny. Misogyny is not limited to catcalling and making sexually offensive jokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a deal breaker. If you’re 40 and divorced I hope you know to stay outright to him, “I like it when the man in my life is concerned about me getting home safely, could you show you want to hear from me when I get back to make sure I’m safe?”

OP: I would feel totally fine saying this. I guess my concern is if this doesn't come naturally, or he doesn't actually want to do it- what does that mean.

It means he thinks you're a grown woman of 40+ who can call an Uber from his house and either wait there or in his lobby if you prefer. You're making too much of this, and it makes you sound high maintenance.

--woman

+1 as a woman I feel badly for guys they're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Anyway, op I know you say it's not a deal breaker, but it should be. It's clear you two aren't compatible. He is likely looking for a true egalitarian relationship and you are not. Best to part ways now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flag is that he’s in his 40s and still in an apartment.

LOL my red flag is he's 40 and has some skewed notion of maturity so he buys a craptastic vinyl box in Herndon just so he has a house and not an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Your 40. Probably have kids. Probably work, travel, take care of your whole entire life. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you order the uber from in his apartment,wait there, and then leave when the uber was close to your location so you're just going down to meet the uber? Maybe be thought you did it this way because you wanted to wait by yourself.

She didn't do it because she wanted to test him. Op is one of those women who likes to play games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate protective guys, so I’d be good with it. I especially hate the “let me know your home” thing. For you, it depends on how much it matters to you. I’d think it a plus that he treats me as an equal.

+100

It's kinda telling that you made this thread to get people to dump on this guy

You aren't a match break up and go find your protective daddy

[Anonymous]

Pretty cold end of a date. I wouldn't like this at all.
Not to mention it's only the beginning of a relationship, when people are at their best behavior.

[Anonymous]

Not a red flag. I’ve never had anyone walk down with me and have dated some nice, normal men.

[Anonymous]

If some guy told me to text him when I got home I’d see that as a huge red flag and wouldn’t go on another date