Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I got married at 23 and had my first at 25, while in grad school.

A few of my friends married at that age as well, so it didn't seem strange until I came to the DC area and kept getting strange looks from people, and then realized that other mothers at the preschool were not in the same age bracket. I still made friends, though.

It's all about your outlook and being adaptable.

And that was probably a couple decades ago...

Here is some statistics from 2014 ( I think) Marriages for those under 25 still very high

https://www.maselliwarren.com/2014/03/20/divorce-rates-increase-youre-25/

[Anonymous]

I got engaged at 22, married at 23, and had kids at 26 and 28. I also went through law school while I had my first. I’m very happy with my choices and believe that people are misinterpreting the statistic about people getting divorced when they marry early. It’s more likely an issue of correlation and not causation- people in the US who “marry young” may be less educated, have less financial resources, etc.

OP’s “niece” works in tech and most likely will not have financial stressors impacting her marriage.

In any event I am from a highly educated immigrant background where this is the norm- many of my peers who are doctors, lawyers, PHDs, had a similar trajectory and stayed with their spouses for the long haul, because that is our culture. The family unit is more important than the individual. It is what it is, not better or worse than white American culture.

[Anonymous]

I got engaged at 22, and married at 22. I WISH someone would have said WTF are you doing? No one did, not a peep from a single person, family or otherwise. Still married, and happy, but I think only by luck. Things easily could have been a train wreck.

I hope my kids don't get married/engaged before 25. If they did I would be supportive, but I would try to offer guidance about the benefits of developing as an individual in your early 20s before getting married. And I would secretly hope a friend would tell them WTF don't do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got engaged at 22, married at 23, and had kids at 26 and 28. I also went through law school while I had my first. I’m very happy with my choices and believe that people are misinterpreting the statistic about people getting divorced when they marry early. It’s more likely an issue of correlation and not causation- people in the US who “marry young” may be less educated, have less financial resources, etc.

OP’s “niece” works in tech and most likely will not have financial stressors impacting her marriage.

In any event I am from a highly educated immigrant background where this is the norm- many of my peers who are doctors, lawyers, PHDs, had a similar trajectory and stayed with their spouses for the long haul, because that is our culture. The family unit is more important than the individual. It is what it is, not better or worse than white American culture.

The "niece" that works in tech has probably got her job a month ago. No telling where it goes.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t shame someone about it but I think it’s too young. Get engaged and live together but give it a couple of years. See if living together in the real world for a couple of years works out. It’s not college anyone!

[Anonymous]

First, I think OP is the 22 year old fiancée.

Second, I think what she perceives as shaming (or shamming as she likes to call it) is really just questioning this decision. Shaming someone means telling them that they are inherently bad as a person. My guess is that anything less than “OMG, that’s so wonderful. When can we begin showering you with gifts and attention?” is seen in OP’s eyes as shamming. It’s okay to question someone when they share about a major life decision. Mature people welcome that process. When you’re immature and perhaps lacking in confidence, you perceive any questioning of your decision as some sort of shaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got engaged at 22, married at 23, and had kids at 26 and 28. I also went through law school while I had my first. I’m very happy with my choices and believe that people are misinterpreting the statistic about people getting divorced when they marry early. It’s more likely an issue of correlation and not causation- people in the US who “marry young” may be less educated, have less financial resources, etc.

OP’s “niece” works in tech and most likely will not have financial stressors impacting her marriage.

In any event I am from a highly educated immigrant background where this is the norm- many of my peers who are doctors, lawyers, PHDs, had a similar trajectory and stayed with their spouses for the long haul, because that is our culture. The family unit is more important than the individual. It is what it is, not better or worse than white American culture.

The "niece" that works in tech has probably got her job a month ago. No telling where it goes.

Lol yes. Plus tech is huge, you could be making good money or next to nothing.

[Anonymous]

My biggest concern about them getting engaged at this point in time is whether they are doing it because they are truly ready to get married, or are they doing it to try to save a relationship that may be struggling a bit with the transition from college to real world and getting married is easier than acknowledging the reality that, as much as they care about each other, the relationship isn’t a good fit for their respective post-college goals and dreams. Kind of like people who live together and decide to get married to save the relationship because breaking up will be hard, or people who have a baby to try to fix a failing marriage.

[Anonymous]

Op, please. Before the wedding, look up the definitions for: sham and shame. Then review the rules for adding ‘ing’ to a word. That’s your assignment.

[Anonymous]

My nephew is engaged at 22 to his fiancée both seniors in college. They are adorable together and I simply wish them the best. Who knows what the future has in store after this global pandemic. They are showing optimism and hope. I do think it’s young but have seen other young marriages last and be happy (I’m a 50ish Aunt married 25+ years)

[Anonymous]

I was just at a wedding for a couple who has been dating since their freshman year in college. They have completed grad school (in different cities), lived in an apartment while working and bought a house - all before the wedding. They are like an old married couple but it was still a beautiful ceremony bc they fit together so well and are part of each other’s families. They could have gotten married out of college and it wouldn’t have made a difference - they knew then that they would get married - they just waited. So if the Op and her fiancé know - more power to them. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

It’s so immature and childish how some posters are bullying original poster for a spelling mistake,likely done by error or auto correct.

[Anonymous]

Most 22 year olds are in college, in debt, struggling for job, working low wages, hooking up, not able to handle relationships with parents or partners. It’s not common for this age group to imagine stable life or marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.

Time to stop being so smug bc fifteen years is nothing. I say this as someone who got married a few years earlier than you. It’s been 16 years and we haven’t hit the real tough parts yet.

Thus!

[Anonymous]

It’s a trend now, helicopter parents doesn’t give up after 18, they keep infantalizing adult “children”, imposing their decisions in the name of underdeveloped brains. If you pick up human history, most remarkable things were done by people user 25.