If someone is really in love can they still cheat?

[Anonymous]

Most men can separate love and sex where it seems most women see it as one in the same. Can’t have sex without some emotional bond. That certainly isn’t license to go cheat on your wife, but men do process love and sex differently.

[Anonymous]

My ex-AP used to say “you’ll never leave your wife” and want to discuss the situation every once in awhile as time went on even though we met online for sex, both married. Nothing ever changed for me. I made no statement that I ever had any intention of leaving or ever said any criticism of my wife or family, whom I never stopped loving. We rarely even talked about them though she would complain about her husband and I would say I didn’t want to hear it. She told me she loved me and it would have been awkward to not say it back and if I didn’t it surely would have ended the sex.

People distort things in their minds. To be fair, she wanted me as a meal ticket. I doubt she truly loved me either. She was really upset to find out late in the game my wife and I had regular sex, again, nothing I ever discussed. She just assumed I didn’t love my wife or have sex with her because she rarely had it with her own husband.

Affairs are all gaming for most men.

[Anonymous]

You only live once. Cheat as much as you can live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

I also wanted what she had, in general, but it was more of a coincidence than the motive. I didn’t have a “slide into her life” fantasy. I wanted him. I knew that to get him, she would have to keep that life and we would have to start a new and different one. Did not care. I just wanted him.

You are an ass. You see nobody would be 'keeping that life' in that situation don't you. But--'him' is all the trappings. And a lot of those trappings are there due to JOINT effort on the part of both spouses. We certainly wouldn't be loaded right now if we both didn't work and I found the investment properties and encouraged him to buy them against his will that are now worth millions. The kids that are 'perfect' are due to the way the mother and father raised them. You see how you coming in is a fantasy and you do actually think it would all be fun and joy for you and not a big cluster f*ck that blows up an entire family, right? I'm guessing he fed you the line that 'it's just too complicated with kids and all'....oh we would only be together if not for the kids...now bend over.

You are wrong. I didn't want his money. I work and have my own and am wealthy. He could give her every dime of what they had and their home. Would not have mattered to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

NP I am in this exact same situation. But I don't necessarily want what she has because, well, she has a husband that's cheating on her. I don't even know if I would want to be with him if he weren't married - too many issues, depressive, etc. But I have issues too. SO its like we've found comfort or companionship in each other but I'm not naive about what the reality of our situation is or have any delusions that this story is going to have some happily ever after ending. I am 100% going to divorce as soon as I can but I know he never will and I don't expect him to. Why, so he can be cheating on me too?

Seems more like co-dependency?

Yes this is really it.

And I am not in a competition with his wife, I don't even think about her. I am have my own sh*t to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

NP I am in this exact same situation. But I don't necessarily want what she has because, well, she has a husband that's cheating on her. I don't even know if I would want to be with him if he weren't married - too many issues, depressive, etc. But I have issues too. SO its like we've found comfort or companionship in each other but I'm not naive about what the reality of our situation is or have any delusions that this story is going to have some happily ever after ending. I am 100% going to divorce as soon as I can but I know he never will and I don't expect him to. Why, so he can be cheating on me too?

OMG. You are that woman. He is a cheater, but you are not EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE FRICKIN' MARRIED TOO. HA.

I didn't say I wasn't - but my marriage basically exists on paper only at this point and my husband has told me I could discreetly date other people if I wanted to.

Another exhibit of: women want exit affairs and men just want free sex on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

NP I am in this exact same situation. But I don't necessarily want what she has because, well, she has a husband that's cheating on her. I don't even know if I would want to be with him if he weren't married - too many issues, depressive, etc. But I have issues too. SO its like we've found comfort or companionship in each other but I'm not naive about what the reality of our situation is or have any delusions that this story is going to have some happily ever after ending. I am 100% going to divorce as soon as I can but I know he never will and I don't expect him to. Why, so he can be cheating on me too?

I didn't say I wasn't - but my marriage basically exists on paper only at this point and my husband has told me I could discreetly date other people if I wanted to.

OMG. You are that woman. He is a cheater, but you are not EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE FRICKIN' MARRIED TOO. HA.

I didn't say I wasn't - but my marriage basically exists on paper only at this point and my husband has told me I could discreetly date other people if I wanted to.

Another exhibit of: women want exit affairs and men just want free sex on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

NP I am in this exact same situation. But I don't necessarily want what she has because, well, she has a husband that's cheating on her. I don't even know if I would want to be with him if he weren't married - too many issues, depressive, etc. But I have issues too. SO its like we've found comfort or companionship in each other but I'm not naive about what the reality of our situation is or have any delusions that this story is going to have some happily ever after ending. I am 100% going to divorce as soon as I can but I know he never will and I don't expect him to. Why, so he can be cheating on me too?

OMG. You are that woman. He is a cheater, but you are not EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE FRICKIN' MARRIED TOO. HA.

I didn't say I wasn't - but my marriage basically exists on paper only at this point and my husband has told me I could discreetly date other people if I wanted to.

Another exhibit of: women want exit affairs and men just want free sex on the side.

I didn't say I wasn't - but my marriage basically exists on paper only at this point and my husband has told me I could discreetly date other people if I wanted to.

(sorry for repeat post)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

Wow, same experience. I told my AP that his wife could put me out of business if she would have sex with him, and he said "yes, probably true." That was so hurtful and what I needed to hear to end it.

[Anonymous]

man here, my marriage was actually sexless (technically, less that 10x per year - we did it once a season, on average).

I love my wife, she is an amazing woman and the mother of my kids but sex is a need she won't fulfill and won't work with me towards a solution.

I never, ever talk about her with AP except if she asks I tell her everything is great at home except we are sexless.

Makes sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP used to say “you’ll never leave your wife” and want to discuss the situation every once in awhile as time went on even though we met online for sex, both married. Nothing ever changed for me. I made no statement that I ever had any intention of leaving or ever said any criticism of my wife or family, whom I never stopped loving. We rarely even talked about them though she would complain about her husband and I would say I didn’t want to hear it. She told me she loved me and it would have been awkward to not say it back and if I didn’t it surely would have ended the sex.

People distort things in their minds. To be fair, she wanted me as a meal ticket. I doubt she truly loved me either. She was really upset to find out late in the game my wife and I had regular sex, again, nothing I ever discussed. She just assumed I didn’t love my wife or have sex with her because she rarely had it with her own husband.

Affairs are all gaming for most men.

Just curious, why did it bother you to hear her complain about her husband.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to boil most of the responses here down to this:
Men can. Women can't.

[Anonymous]

Yes. One can be in love but still not have any integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP used to say “you’ll never leave your wife” and want to discuss the situation every once in awhile as time went on even though we met online for sex, both married. Nothing ever changed for me. I made no statement that I ever had any intention of leaving or ever said any criticism of my wife or family, whom I never stopped loving. We rarely even talked about them though she would complain about her husband and I would say I didn’t want to hear it. She told me she loved me and it would have been awkward to not say it back and if I didn’t it surely would have ended the sex.

People distort things in their minds. To be fair, she wanted me as a meal ticket. I doubt she truly loved me either. She was really upset to find out late in the game my wife and I had regular sex, again, nothing I ever discussed. She just assumed I didn’t love my wife or have sex with her because she rarely had it with her own husband.

Affairs are all gaming for most men.

Just curious, why did it bother you to hear her complain about her husband.

It ruined my fun. I didn’t want to hear her problems and I wasn’t going to commiserate because I really love my wife—as a friend, person and lover- so I could not relate. I came to get off quickly and leave my work stress and, at the time, myself behind for 40 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP used to say “you’ll never leave your wife” and want to discuss the situation every once in awhile as time went on even though we met online for sex, both married. Nothing ever changed for me. I made no statement that I ever had any intention of leaving or ever said any criticism of my wife or family, whom I never stopped loving. We rarely even talked about them though she would complain about her husband and I would say I didn’t want to hear it. She told me she loved me and it would have been awkward to not say it back and if I didn’t it surely would have ended the sex.

People distort things in their minds. To be fair, she wanted me as a meal ticket. I doubt she truly loved me either. She was really upset to find out late in the game my wife and I had regular sex, again, nothing I ever discussed. She just assumed I didn’t love my wife or have sex with her because she rarely had it with her own husband.

Affairs are all gaming for most men.

Just curious, why did it bother you to hear her complain about her husband.

It ruined my fun. I didn’t want to hear her problems and I wasn’t going to commiserate because I really love my wife—as a friend, person and lover- so I could not relate. I came to get off quickly and leave my work stress and, at the time, myself behind for 40 minutes.

Oh and my wife isn’t a nag. So the irony was I was hearing somebody else’s nagging, complaining wife and that is part of what snapped me out of it and why I ended it and put myself in therapy.