If someone is really in love can they still cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to boil most of the responses here down to this:
Men can. Women can't.

Yeah. All the women had/have to believe it was love to make themselves feel better. Otherwise, they feel like a Ho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to boil most of the responses here down to this:
Men can. Women can't.

And people cheating are pretty messed up individuals (at least at the time they were cheating). Hopefully, some of these people have gotten therapy and/or divorced (and are practicing safe sex!!!!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

Wow, same experience. I told my AP that his wife could put me out of business if she would have sex with him, and he said "yes, probably true." That was so hurtful and what I needed to hear to end it.

Ouch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP used to say “you’ll never leave your wife” and want to discuss the situation every once in awhile as time went on even though we met online for sex, both married. Nothing ever changed for me. I made no statement that I ever had any intention of leaving or ever said any criticism of my wife or family, whom I never stopped loving. We rarely even talked about them though she would complain about her husband and I would say I didn’t want to hear it. She told me she loved me and it would have been awkward to not say it back and if I didn’t it surely would have ended the sex.

People distort things in their minds. To be fair, she wanted me as a meal ticket. I doubt she truly loved me either. She was really upset to find out late in the game my wife and I had regular sex, again, nothing I ever discussed. She just assumed I didn’t love my wife or have sex with her because she rarely had it with her own husband.

Affairs are all gaming for most men.

Just curious, why did it bother you to hear her complain about her husband.

It ruined my fun. I didn’t want to hear her problems and I wasn’t going to commiserate because I really love my wife—as a friend, person and lover- so I could not relate. I came to get off quickly and leave my work stress and, at the time, myself behind for 40 minutes.

Oh and my wife isn’t a nag. So the irony was I was hearing somebody else’s nagging, complaining wife and that is part of what snapped me out of it and why I ended it and put myself in therapy.

That’s actually kind of funny. Her husband should thank you.

[Anonymous]

Oh and my wife isn’t a nag. So the irony was I was hearing somebody else’s nagging, complaining wife and that is part of what snapped me out of it and why I ended it and put myself in therapy.

I’m virtually positive you are actually the wife that posts about her DH cheating after 20+ years due to childhood trauma even though you had regular sex. The vocabulary and writing syntax are the same and all of these posts claiming to be the man that cheated sound like they were written by a woman. WHY do you do this? I was sympathetic to your story when you first posted almost two years ago, but you have become obsessive about sharing this narrative and it’s unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Oh and my wife isn’t a nag. So the irony was I was hearing somebody else’s nagging, complaining wife and that is part of what snapped me out of it and why I ended it and put myself in therapy.

I’m virtually positive you are actually the wife that posts about her DH cheating after 20+ years due to childhood trauma even though you had regular sex. The vocabulary and writing syntax are the same and all of these posts claiming to be the man that cheated sound like they were written by a woman. WHY do you do this? I was sympathetic to your story when you first posted almost two years ago, but you have become obsessive about sharing this narrative and it’s unhealthy.

I’m virtually positive I’m not, but thanks for calling me a woman. That hurts my ego a bit.

[Anonymous]

Is it cheating if it makes you happy? If you can keep a secret and live with no regrets, why wouldn’t you want to experience something different from time to time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it cheating if it makes you happy? If you can keep a secret and live with no regrets, why wouldn’t you want to experience something different from time to time?

Yes. A happy liar and betrayer is still a cheater.

If you tell your spouse what you are doing on the other hand, then it’s not cheating. Cheating is deception with lots of risk physically and emotionally and financially for the betrayed spouse. Not to mention potential harm depending on how stable the other person is. It’s also a risk for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Very few men would cheat when sexual needs are met in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP used to say “you’ll never leave your wife” and want to discuss the situation every once in awhile as time went on even though we met online for sex, both married. Nothing ever changed for me. I made no statement that I ever had any intention of leaving or ever said any criticism of my wife or family, whom I never stopped loving. We rarely even talked about them though she would complain about her husband and I would say I didn’t want to hear it. She told me she loved me and it would have been awkward to not say it back and if I didn’t it surely would have ended the sex.

People distort things in their minds. To be fair, she wanted me as a meal ticket. I doubt she truly loved me either. She was really upset to find out late in the game my wife and I had regular sex, again, nothing I ever discussed. She just assumed I didn’t love my wife or have sex with her because she rarely had it with her own husband.

Affairs are all gaming for most men.

Just curious, why did it bother you to hear her complain about her husband.

NP. I don’t think this was written by a man. I think this was written by a betrayed woman trolling the APs on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few men would cheat when sexual needs are met in the relationship.

That’s patently untrue in a long marriage.

When they have been only having sex with one woman for a 10, 15, 20 years, the urge for variety at midlife pops up even when the sex has always been good. Variety + opportunity + midlife depression. It’s about them, not the wife or even the OW at that point.

When a parenting marriage happens, they look for excitement and want to feel unencumbered, have someone look at them other than a father/husband. If people think they will never get caught, studies showed up to 75% will cheat no matter how good the marriage is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

Wow, same experience. I told my AP that his wife could put me out of business if she would have sex with him, and he said "yes, probably true." That was so hurtful and what I needed to hear to end it.

I'm honestly surprised y'all didn't stalk your APs because you sound like stalkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-AP was very in love with his wife. I was incredibly jealous.

That is so messed up. I was in love with my AP but if I knew he was in love with his wife I would not have been attracted to him. What he did to her was awful. But I think she was in love with him too.

It was messed up. I told him not to show photos and we stopped ever talking about his family. I was not happy in my marriage and he had by all appearances perfect wife and kids and a rich family/social life. I talked to my therapist and it was a case of “I want what she has.” He never once said a bad word about her, that’s what should have tipped me off he had no plans to ever divorce. I wasted a lot of time.

Wow, same experience. I told my AP that his wife could put me out of business if she would have sex with him, and he said "yes, probably true." That was so hurtful and what I needed to hear to end it.

I'm honestly surprised y'all didn't stalk your APs because you sound like stalkers.

Ex’s AP used to stalk me and our friends on the Internet. She got into his phone and found his contacts, likely when he was showering off after banging her. I didn’t even know she existed at that point-and she was married herself. Fatal attraction.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Men: yes. Women: no.