Christmas travel-leaving 2 year old home while whole family goes to Caribbean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

Op here. I’d prefer it be closer to 5 nights, but yes I’m 100% ok with leaving my child for a week. I would not have architected the trip in this manner, but as a general matter yes I am ok with leaving my children at times (and I have done so for work, as has DH, and we’ve gone away together for short trips, but never in this manner with the whole family).

Ok fine, then go. You're ok with it, so why ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would try every day to work on the mask compliance. Find the most breathable mask you can, and work on it a little bit every day with treats, etc - for example, give him an M&M if he can stay in the mask for 5 minutes, then 10, etc. I would take a shot at the trip - worst case you are kicked off the flight and lose your money. Second option would be to cancel.

Op here. Believe me, we have done this to death. Not just for the trip but so we could get him into preschool. It doesn’t work. We have tried. There are dozens of threads on how to get 2 yos to wear masks on this board. I have been through them and tried the tips. My son has an intellectual disability and it makes it difficult for him to understand things like cause and effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

Op here. I’d prefer it be closer to 5 nights, but yes I’m 100% ok with leaving my child for a week. I would not have architected the trip in this manner, but as a general matter yes I am ok with leaving my children at times (and I have done so for work, as has DH, and we’ve gone away together for short trips, but never in this manner with the whole family).

Ok fine, then go. You're ok with it, so why ask.

Op here. I said I’m fine as a general matter with travel without my kids at times for periods of up to 5 days. This is a bit different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

Op here. I’d prefer it be closer to 5 nights, but yes I’m 100% ok with leaving my child for a week. I would not have architected the trip in this manner, but as a general matter yes I am ok with leaving my children at times (and I have done so for work, as has DH, and we’ve gone away together for short trips, but never in this manner with the whole family).

The thing is, this isn’t just about logistics for a work trip needing to be away from your kids, it’s the fact that it’s a family vacation for everybody except your two year old. And the vacation starts on Christmas Day. If you go through with your plan, I think you’re going to have a lifetime of guilt. I promise you you’ll be working through this in therapy for years to come. Either cancel or bring him with you.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a problem going on trips without my kids. But at SOME point your kid will look back and realize you left him with the nanny on Christmas to go to the beach. That will leave a mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cancel the trip. I was left home a lot while my family went on vacations without me due to behavior problems, and although I stayed with my grandparents and had a great time as an adult I look back at how f**ked up that was that they left me behind.

Work on finding something you can all do together.

Op here. I don’t intend for this to be the new status quo or something that we would ever do again. I bought a plane ticket for my son and got him his passport-we always intended to bring him. I didn’t realize it would be as complicated as it is. But regardless I don’t see us ever making plans like this again in the future.

[Anonymous]

I'd go in a New york minute!

It's hard to leave kids for a longer duration than you are used to but 2 year old should be fine. The five year old can be told whatever he need to hear to feel that sibling is in good hands, happy and looking forward to reuniting with everyone. SN parents NEED time to recharge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

Op here. I’d prefer it be closer to 5 nights, but yes I’m 100% ok with leaving my child for a week. I would not have architected the trip in this manner, but as a general matter yes I am ok with leaving my children at times (and I have done so for work, as has DH, and we’ve gone away together for short trips, but never in this manner with the whole family).

The thing is, this isn’t just about logistics for a work trip needing to be away from your kids, it’s the fact that it’s a family vacation for everybody except your two year old. And the vacation starts on Christmas Day. If you go through with your plan, I think you’re going to have a lifetime of guilt. I promise you you’ll be working through this in therapy for years to come. Either cancel or bring him with you.

Overdramatic, much? She's a SN mom. Their spare money will be going towards therapies for their kid. She can work on her issues when she is elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be an unpopular opinion because it does feel bad to non-SN parents who won’t get it. But here is what I would do:

1) Make a plan with grandparents and nanny and tell kids that Christmas Day is either the weekend before or the weekend after Christmas. Whichever day you choose, THAT’S when Santa comes, that’s when you open presents and stockings and whatever other traditions. Your 5 won’t know what day it is supposed to be and that removes the “Why did we leave my brother out of Christmas?” factor.

2) Arrange for nanny to watch him.

3) Go an enjoy a non-Christmas family vacation with Grandparents.

Older siblings of kids with SN miss out on a lot because their sibling just can’t functionally participate and there’s no way to leave them out. If 2yo is with a beloved and trusted caregiver, he won’t mind being left out of the trip, but the 5yo will cherish that time that he got to be part of a “normal” family vacation where the attention was on him, not on making sure his brother’s needs are met.

The kid is 5. I seriously doubt they care.

I say - draw straws with your DH and one of you stays with DS2 and one of you goes with DS 5. Maybe see if the "winner" can take a friend or relative in the "loser's" place. It's not just leaving the 2 year old home; it's leaving a medically complex 2 year old for an entire week. I would not be ok with that.

Surprised no one else has suggested this. I definitely think parents of SN kids deserve a break, and DS5 does too. That being said, you simply do not leave a 2 year old home alone over Christmas with a nanny. This way, it's mommy or daddy + DS2 special time and mommy or daddy + DS5 special time. Forget the money, DS5 will eventually share this with DS2.

[Anonymous]

I think OP should go. PPs have missed a lot of the details.

However, here are a few suggestions:
1. Make Christmas eve a really big deal, open presents and have a nice brunch on Christmas and then IT IS OVER. Refer to the beach trip as a New Years trip, which will help with the 5 year old referencing it.
2. Seriously make things VERY nice for the nanny - pay, time off in January or whenever she wants to spend time with her family when they return, food delivery, etc.
3. Don’t plan vacations in the future that blow all your cash and all your time off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cancel the trip. I was left home a lot while my family went on vacations without me due to behavior problems, and although I stayed with my grandparents and had a great time as an adult I look back at how f**ked up that was that they left me behind.

Work on finding something you can all do together.

Op here. I don’t intend for this to be the new status quo or something that we would ever do again. I bought a plane ticket for my son and got him his passport-we always intended to bring him. I didn’t realize it would be as complicated as it is. But regardless I don’t see us ever making plans like this again in the future.

Then if it's just a one-time thing, I guess it's okay. Especially since he'll never remember it.

[Anonymous]

If it's just a mask issue then go and bring the kid. I promise flight attendants won't care about a two year old, especially with special needs. Put the two year old in a footed onesie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

Op here. I’d prefer it be closer to 5 nights, but yes I’m 100% ok with leaving my child for a week. I would not have architected the trip in this manner, but as a general matter yes I am ok with leaving my children at times (and I have done so for work, as has DH, and we’ve gone away together for short trips, but never in this manner with the whole family).

Ok fine, then go. You're ok with it, so why ask.

Op here. I said I’m fine as a general matter with travel without my kids at times for periods of up to 5 days. This is a bit different.

Ok then don't go. I wouldn't be ok with a week away from my medically complex SN child.

I'm curious - if your instinct is not to go, what is holding you back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not leave your 2yo home alone for a week for christmas! Holy crap, that is awful. He won’t know it’s Christmas, but the 5yo does and I can only imagine the number of times it will come up over the years that his parents left him alone for Christmas to go on vacation. If there were extenuating circumstances, like visiting a dying parent or sibling, I could see leaving him in an emergency.

If I were you, I’d cancel the whole trip. Maybe plan something for the spring when he will be older and maybe able to wear a mask better.

+100 and as a younger sibling, ask me how I know this is true! Also, OP it sounds like your two-year-old isn’t developmentally ready a flight anyway, regardless of a mask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP should go. PPs have missed a lot of the details.

However, here are a few suggestions:
1. Make Christmas eve a really big deal, open presents and have a nice brunch on Christmas and then IT IS OVER. Refer to the beach trip as a New Years trip, which will help with the 5 year old referencing it.
2. Seriously make things VERY nice for the nanny - pay, time off in January or whenever she wants to spend time with her family when they return, food delivery, etc.
3. Don’t plan vacations in the future that blow all your cash and all your time off.

I'm not sure what details you think anyone missed. This is a medically complex, SN child who is only 2. Most parents would not be ok with a whole week away, Christmas or otherwise. If OP is ok with that then fine, her choice. But she seems not to be fine with it. OP seems to be thinking too much about the money/vacation time.