Moved at the suggestion of my sister, and now she's ditched me

[Anonymous]

When have you invited your sister to YOUR place? You keep going there. Invite your nieces to have a sleepover one night. Invite your sister to dinner.

And this stuff needs to be no more than once a week. Try volunteering at something more physical - animal shelter, for example.

[Anonymous]

OP, offer to babysit so the parents can have a date night. Offer to take the kids to their activities, etc. But you don't work from their house. That is weird.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? And what's your 5 year plan? 10 year plan? Where do you see yourself

[Anonymous]

By three months in, I would be expecting you to be seeing your sister’s family once per week or so, and maybe the occasional sister date (gym time together, running in the park, coffee chat, etc).

[Anonymous]

Childless people are self absorbed and can’t see beyond themselves. Your sister suggested you move for a change of pace and I guarantee you you complained about being miserable in NYC after the relationship ended. Your sister is always there for a dinner a hangout a walk an afternoon coffee but you’re literally asking for full time 100% interaction and coddling. Let me guess you’re the younger sibling.

Move back to NYC if it was so great this way you’ll see her every few months like you used to. I have no sympathy for your situation and your sister has been more than nice.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can now move and be closer to your parents.
Rinse, repeat

[Anonymous]

OP, I would suggest you start dating and treat it like the numbers game it is. You can try new restaurants, bars, activities, meet new people - and you might find friends out of the ones who don't work out. And you might also meet someone you are romantically interested in too!

Also join activities with other young, single people: gyms, yoga/pilates/spin classes, rec sports, trendy new bars, maybe networking events for young professionals if your industry is well-represented at those types of things.

I'm the married older sister with a single younger sister. I love her, but it is emotional labor when she comes over since she too is fresh off a breakup. I love her, but I spend all day caring for people and can only hang out with her when I have the energy to give her the attention she needs. Now we do about 3 times per month, not on a school night, and she comes over after kids are in bed for wine or tea and dessert plus a movie. Or we meet up on a weekend morning for a walk/run. You need to give your sister more space and work on building a better-rounded support network and social circle in your new community.

[Anonymous]

Maybe look at why you didn’t have friends or a support network in NYC after living there for over 10 yrs. Was your boyfriend your only person there? Maybe look for a different job where you have to go into the office so you can make some work friends. Your sister is busy now with the school year. Her husband probably wants to walk around in his underwear. They probably do have activities almost every evening. It’s really really weird that you would want to work from her home all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe look at why you didn’t have friends or a support network in NYC after living there for over 10 yrs. Was your boyfriend your only person there? Maybe look for a different job where you have to go into the office so you can make some work friends. Your sister is busy now with the school year. Her husband probably wants to walk around in his underwear. They probably do have activities almost every evening. It’s really really weird that you would want to work from her home all the time.

NP.

OP, it really isn't healthy for someone to have only one point of friendship and support. I say this gently, but your not having other friends here is not your sister's problem. It's your problem. You need to spread out your support system so it isn't draining on just one person.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I'm a single site. They don't have time for you but expect you to care about their busy schedules, carpooling, lost teeth, the new teacher bay's first tooth, and endless other shit, You also get to do the bulk of caring for aging parents, which they will find fault with. Solution moves away. I mean far away and live a fabulous life, and just be too busy for them other than maybe the occasional phone call, text, card whatever you have time for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would suggest you start dating and treat it like the numbers game it is. You can try new restaurants, bars, activities, meet new people - and you might find friends out of the ones who don't work out. And you might also meet someone you are romantically interested in too!

Also join activities with other young, single people: gyms, yoga/pilates/spin classes, rec sports, trendy new bars, maybe networking events for young professionals if your industry is well-represented at those types of things.

I'm the married older sister with a single younger sister. I love her, but it is emotional labor when she comes over since she too is fresh off a breakup. I love her, but I spend all day caring for people and can only hang out with her when I have the energy to give her the attention she needs. Now we do about 3 times per month, not on a school night, and she comes over after kids are in bed for wine or tea and dessert plus a movie. Or we meet up on a weekend morning for a walk/run. You need to give your sister more space and work on building a better-rounded support network and social circle in your new community.

Posts like this make me laugh especially when you read the other forums with the posters talking about having 3-4 kids so they can have a lifelong friend and support. BUllshit! If you're lucky it lasts through high school may be college, but after that, you are on your own.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd call my sister and tell her all this. I'd tell her I didn't realize I had become such a burden to her and was interrupting her life with her family so much. I was hoping to have some support from my sister as this is a particularly hard time. I get it if you can't do that anymore, but it would have been better if you had told me that yourself instead of running to mom to do your dirty work.
I may or may not give her a chance to explain herself. I may just hang up.

Then I'd ghost her.

I'd also skip the next 2 Sunday calls from your parents


Sign up for all the things that you have wanted to do, Be the fabulous person you are. If you don't like DC enough to stay move back to NYC or somewhere else.
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd call my sister and tell her all this. I'd tell her I didn't realize I had become such a burden to her and was interrupting her life with her family so much. I was hoping to have some support from my sister as this is a particularly hard time. I get it if you can't do that anymore, but it would have been better if you had told me that yourself instead of running to mom to do your dirty work.
I may or may not give her a chance to explain herself. I may just hang up.

Then I'd ghost her.

I'd also skip the next 2 Sunday calls from your parents


Sign up for all the things that you have wanted to do, Be the fabulous person you are. If you don't like DC enough to stay move back to NYC or somewhere else.
.

The sister did tell her. She said that the husband will be taking more calls and that they don’t want OP hanging around all day anymore. And you saw OP’s feeling about that - that she was mostly working from the other side of their house to where he mostly was, so she couldn’t see what his problem was.

Obviously OP really doesn’t respect boundaries even when they’re explained to her. That’s why the sister spoke to the mother.

[Anonymous]

Im so sorry, OP. It could be that life is just busy post COVID - I've been surprised- and she underestaimed or is on the ramp up toward "normal" again and it's hard and busier than she'd expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Childless people are self absorbed and can’t see beyond themselves. Your sister suggested you move for a change of pace and I guarantee you you complained about being miserable in NYC after the relationship ended. Your sister is always there for a dinner a hangout a walk an afternoon coffee but you’re literally asking for full time 100% interaction and coddling. Let me guess you’re the younger sibling.

Move back to NYC if it was so great this way you’ll see her every few months like you used to. I have no sympathy for your situation and your sister has been more than nice.

This is rich, because it also describes so many parents. Your lack of self-awareness is very telling. And yes, I’m a parent.