Moved at the suggestion of my sister, and now she's ditched me
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Anonymous
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I was in NYC for 10 years, sister in DC.
A relationship that I thought was headed to marriage ended and I hated my job. My sister suggested I relocate to DC for a change of pace, saying basically, "We'll be right down the street, can hang out all the time, it'll be great." I was so lonely and adrift after the breakup (mutual but we were together 10 years and lived together for six) that I was so eager to feel part of a family again. I said OK. I visited a few times, looked at apartments with her, and decided to go for it. I knew if nothing else I'd have my sister and her family (husband and two kids) nearby, and I have some college friends there too. I can WFH thanks to COVID indefinitely with my current job so finally in June I just said screw it, I'm going to try something new and I moved to DC -- my sister lives in a town outside the city but close in on the subway. We looked for apartments together one more time, I signed a lease, and here I am. During the summer I hung out a lot at my sister's...she would have me for dinner a lot, I'd hang out and watch TV with them or play with my nieces. Now, three months into my being here, I feel like she's ghosting me. I ask to come over for dinner and she says they're busy. The kids seem to have stuff every night of the week which seems crazy but OK. I asked to work from her house sometimes because my apartment is so quiet and I'm lonely...like really lonely without my ex of 10 years...and she said sure, so I had been working there, but then she said that her husband's work schedule was ramping up and he'd be on calls a lot so I should plan to work from my own apartment more (even though I work on the other side of the house). Then this Sunday on my weekly chat with my parents, my mom said...maybe after a glass of wine, cannot tell...that I really need to give my sister more breathing room because "you know, she has a family." As if I am a nobody without a "Family" so cannot possibly have needs. I don't know why the hell my sister told me to move here. My mom's comment has upset me so much. I feel so alone. I am so mad at my sister. Any ideas... thanks dcum. |
Anonymous
| You were supposed to have developed your own life by now. You’ve been here months. Make friends and get some hobbies. |
Anonymous
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You are a stage 5 clinger OP.
Your mother is right. It's nothing personal. Your sister is simply busy in the hectic mom life, but you don't understand because you are single. |
Anonymous
| Her husband may not be that pleased that you are around so much. |
Anonymous
| She hung out with you a lot in summer when you were new here and she wasn’t so busy with kids in school. You had a summer for her to help you get settled. Now go get settled and create a life for yourself. |
Anonymous
It is really hard to create a whole new life from scratch more or less in three months and I am trying. It is very hard during covid to meet people because first of all I don't have an office to go to where there are after work happy hours and stuff. I signed on to do shifts at a soup kitchen and it is mainly older women. I jog at Rock Creek Park and even joined a running group but everyone seems either married or not into making friends. I feel hopeless and sad. |
Anonymous
And when you do have kids yourself, it's much easier with a sister down the road. |
Anonymous
| If you can work from anywhere, start exploring now for your next adventure. Plan to move when your lease is up. |
Anonymous
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No one says you don’t have needs (wtf?) but her husband and kids are her immediate family now and she feels smothered.
Join a group, volunteer, go to networking events, start hitting the gym, etc. YOU need to build a life here that revolves around what you want out of YOUR life. |
Anonymous
There’s simply no shortage of things to do and groups to join in DC. At least show you are making an effort, it back on the requests and you won’t seem so clingy. |
Anonymous
| This is why I'd never move to my sibling. Move back to NY or somewhere fun. There is no relationship. Move on. |
Anonymous
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Maybe she just wanted you as a free babysitter during covid.
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Anonymous
| Yes, kids can have stuff every night of the week. If they are school-aged, I also would find it a bit much for you to be coming over for dinner frequently on school nights. You want to work from her house everyday? That's too much, OP. |
Anonymous
| Maybe get screened for depression. Or at the very least find a therapist to work through your feelings of hopelessness and sadness. |
Anonymous
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Your sister was wrong to complain to your mother.
She should have had a conversation with you directly. Keep working on branching out. If you like DC stay if you don't move elsewhere. Next time sis asks you to babysit say no. |