So annoyed the cheaters are not getting consequences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anything can really give you equanimity after your husband runs off with his ten years younger student and is now introducing your kids to her, your kids who don’t yet know that she was the AP or that the divorce was because of infidelity. She’s 42 and they were together for like 15 years. The OW is 30. He is a seriously immature person and I don’t see a grown up in their relationship, but it won’t matter bc he is independently wealthy. She will have kids, my friends kids will have half siblings, it just sucks to lose creative control of your family.

You never have as much control over your family as you think She does however have 100% control over her attitude. Sure it was shitty but she can move forward and have an awesome lif if she so chooses.

She can have a great life but the kids are gonna be f’d up.

That's their choice to be effed up. My dad cheated and split up the family and I'm no more effed up than my friends who have parents who remained happily married for years and less effed up than the kids whose parents stayed together or were miserable or who split and spent the years post-divorce battling each other. A large part of how messed up they will be is how the adults in their life act their mom being miserable and her bestie telling them that they have no choice but to be effed up isn't going to work in their favor.

I doubt you are not f’d up. F’d people always compare thrr we mark each to their most f’d up friends.

I'm not effed up sorry that disappoints you and your world view that cheaters are doomed to screw everyone up for all eternity and everyone related to them must live a life of misery.
let's talk about you, you must be pretty effed up to be so invested in your friend's personal life that you are upset her ex isn't receiving sufficient karma ( I mean you've posted 2 threads on this alreayd pretty freaking obsessive), it's also telling that you seem to want the kids and your friends to be effed up, you want me, someone, you don't know to be effed up. That makes you a pretty effed-up and toxic person.

Are you cheating? You seem to be having a strong reaction to this.

[Anonymous]

Adultery is wrong. People shouldn't do it. It's a bad decision, and it hurts other people, and it can certainly be a part of a pattern of bad choices that hurt other people.

Sometimes people who engage in adultery go on to be quite happy in their lives. Their lives with a new partner can be healthier and more fulfilling than with the old partner, and they may achieve financial success. They can be hated and criticized and loathed by the persons hurt by these actions, and still sometimes can block it off and shield their lives from being much affected by that loathing.

Both of these paragraphs can be true at the same time. In either direction, one being true doesn't make the other false. It's just the way it is sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ But obviously lots of emotionally healthy people disagree with you and do care. I’m one. Never been cheated on but I think cheaters have a massive character defect that likely manifests itself in other areas of their life.

+1. I recently found out that a friend of mine who split with another friend of mine. I’ve never thought she was a great person and the cheating just confirmed it. We are friends mostly because I care about her kid and wanted to stay connected after the divorce.

That’s good because obviously his mother didn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anything can really give you equanimity after your husband runs off with his ten years younger student and is now introducing your kids to her, your kids who don’t yet know that she was the AP or that the divorce was because of infidelity. She’s 42 and they were together for like 15 years. The OW is 30. He is a seriously immature person and I don’t see a grown up in their relationship, but it won’t matter bc he is independently wealthy. She will have kids, my friends kids will have half siblings, it just sucks to lose creative control of your family.

You never have as much control over your family as you think She does however have 100% control over her attitude. Sure it was shitty but she can move forward and have an awesome lif if she so chooses.

She can have a great life but the kids are gonna be f’d up.

That's their choice to be effed up. My dad cheated and split up the family and I'm no more effed up than my friends who have parents who remained happily married for years and less effed up than the kids whose parents stayed together or were miserable or who split and spent the years post-divorce battling each other. A large part of how messed up they will be is how the adults in their life act their mom being miserable and her bestie telling them that they have no choice but to be effed up isn't going to work in their favor.

I doubt you are not f’d up. F’d people always compare thrr we mark each to their most f’d up friends.

I'm not effed up sorry that disappoints you and your world view that cheaters are doomed to screw everyone up for all eternity and everyone related to them must live a life of misery.
let's talk about you, you must be pretty effed up to be so invested in your friend's personal life that you are upset her ex isn't receiving sufficient karma ( I mean you've posted 2 threads on this alreayd pretty freaking obsessive), it's also telling that you seem to want the kids and your friends to be effed up, you want me, someone, you don't know to be effed up. That makes you a pretty effed-up and toxic person.

Are you cheating? You seem to be having a strong reaction to this.

It’s more likely that he would do it since his dad did it. Children of cheaters cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wow. A lot of you need help. This is NOT normal.

It’s not normal to care about people being hurt and to wish that those at fault experienced consequences for their actions even if it doesn’t directly impact you?

Weird I thought that was a normal thing. It’s the only reason I volunteer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that your friend is devastated, hurt, betrayed and she is watching him run off to be happy while she is alone however she isn't helping herself by becoming bitter.

I read a great saying ages ago, that was something similar to 'bitterness, resentment or anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to get sick'.

At some stage your friend needs to help herself otherwise she will drown in her bitterness. She needs to focus on herself and turn away from them and what is happening in their lives. Its hard but she needs to.

Perhaps when she is ready if she stops looking at them and really looks at her marriage she may look back and see it wasn't what she thought it was. Then perhaps she can look at her ex and see who he really is. It will eventually hopefully look really unappealing to her.

This is true but it doesn’t mean that I can’t feel sorry for people who have gotten screwed. I feel the same way about people struggling because of all kinds of harm. And it’s really easy from the outside to say to people who are still bitter about an abusive mother or an absentee father or whatever that they need to let it go. Of course they do but I don’t blame them for struggling with it.

This isn’t obsessing over it, it’s just having an opinion and feelings about it when the topic comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anything can really give you equanimity after your husband runs off with his ten years younger student and is now introducing your kids to her, your kids who don’t yet know that she was the AP or that the divorce was because of infidelity. She’s 42 and they were together for like 15 years. The OW is 30. He is a seriously immature person and I don’t see a grown up in their relationship, but it won’t matter bc he is independently wealthy. She will have kids, my friends kids will have half siblings, it just sucks to lose creative control of your family.

You never have as much control over your family as you think She does however have 100% control over her attitude. Sure it was shitty but she can move forward and have an awesome lif if she so chooses.

She can have a great life but the kids are gonna be f’d up.

That's their choice to be effed up. My dad cheated and split up the family and I'm no more effed up than my friends who have parents who remained happily married for years and less effed up than the kids whose parents stayed together or were miserable or who split and spent the years post-divorce battling each other. A large part of how messed up they will be is how the adults in their life act their mom being miserable and her bestie telling them that they have no choice but to be effed up isn't going to work in their favor.

I doubt you are not f’d up. F’d people always compare thrr we mark each to their most f’d up friends.

I'm not effed up sorry that disappoints you and your world view that cheaters are doomed to screw everyone up for all eternity and everyone related to them must live a life of misery.
let's talk about you, you must be pretty effed up to be so invested in your friend's personal life that you are upset her ex isn't receiving sufficient karma ( I mean you've posted 2 threads on this alreayd pretty freaking obsessive), it's also telling that you seem to want the kids and your friends to be effed up, you want me, someone, you don't know to be effed up. That makes you a pretty effed-up and toxic person.

Oh come on. No parent is perfect and we are all impacted by the consequences of their actions. I have good relationships and I’m a pretty good mom and a functional human being but I know I have issues that I need to process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your friend is devastated, hurt, betrayed and she is watching him run off to be happy while she is alone however she isn't helping herself by becoming bitter.

I read a great saying ages ago, that was something similar to 'bitterness, resentment or anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to get sick'.

At some stage your friend needs to help herself otherwise she will drown in her bitterness. She needs to focus on herself and turn away from them and what is happening in their lives. Its hard but she needs to.

Perhaps when she is ready if she stops looking at them and really looks at her marriage she may look back and see it wasn't what she thought it was. Then perhaps she can look at her ex and see who he really is. It will eventually hopefully look really unappealing to her.

This is true but it doesn’t mean that I can’t feel sorry for people who have gotten screwed. I feel the same way about people struggling because of all kinds of harm. And it’s really easy from the outside to say to people who are still bitter about an abusive mother or an absentee father or whatever that they need to let it go. Of course they do but I don’t blame them for struggling with it.

This isn’t obsessing over it, it’s just having an opinion and feelings about it when the topic comes up.

It’s really hard to see someone you love intentionally harmed, hurt and screwed over. I know many parents, siblings and friends that can’t let it go and forever think ill of the cheater. There are a few cheater outcasts in our neighborhood. Truthfully, they were all a-hole people before their true colors showed.

[Anonymous]

I cheat occasionally and here is why. I like to have sex and that is it. I’m not emotionally attached in any way. Most of the time it’s a coworker or dancer from a club. 90% of the time there is no kissing and I honestly have no real desire to spend anytime with them other than doing the deed. I’m also happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your friend is devastated, hurt, betrayed and she is watching him run off to be happy while she is alone however she isn't helping herself by becoming bitter.

I read a great saying ages ago, that was something similar to 'bitterness, resentment or anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to get sick'.

At some stage your friend needs to help herself otherwise she will drown in her bitterness. She needs to focus on herself and turn away from them and what is happening in their lives. Its hard but she needs to.

Perhaps when she is ready if she stops looking at them and really looks at her marriage she may look back and see it wasn't what she thought it was. Then perhaps she can look at her ex and see who he really is. It will eventually hopefully look really unappealing to her.

I love this.

Me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your friend is devastated, hurt, betrayed and she is watching him run off to be happy while she is alone however she isn't helping herself by becoming bitter.

I read a great saying ages ago, that was something similar to 'bitterness, resentment or anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to get sick'.

At some stage your friend needs to help herself otherwise she will drown in her bitterness. She needs to focus on herself and turn away from them and what is happening in their lives. Its hard but she needs to.

Perhaps when she is ready if she stops looking at them and really looks at her marriage she may look back and see it wasn't what she thought it was. Then perhaps she can look at her ex and see who he really is. It will eventually hopefully look really unappealing to her.

I love this.

Me too!

I have heard a version of that and it’s what I try to think about to get past getting stuck on wishing the cheaters would die or suffer a horrible fate.

That and “living well is the best revenge.” It’s tough in the early days and gets easier as you unpack the trauma in therapy. Now I just briefly think “how pathetic. What losers”. And go about my day. The goal is eventually to not think of them at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anything can really give you equanimity after your husband runs off with his ten years younger student and is now introducing your kids to her, your kids who don’t yet know that she was the AP or that the divorce was because of infidelity. She’s 42 and they were together for like 15 years. The OW is 30. He is a seriously immature person and I don’t see a grown up in their relationship, but it won’t matter bc he is independently wealthy. She will have kids, my friends kids will have half siblings, it just sucks to lose creative control of your family.

You never have as much control over your family as you think She does however have 100% control over her attitude. Sure it was shitty but she can move forward and have an awesome lif if she so chooses.

She can have a great life but the kids are gonna be f’d up.

That's their choice to be effed up. My dad cheated and split up the family and I'm no more effed up than my friends who have parents who remained happily married for years and less effed up than the kids whose parents stayed together or were miserable or who split and spent the years post-divorce battling each other. A large part of how messed up they will be is how the adults in their life act their mom being miserable and her bestie telling them that they have no choice but to be effed up isn't going to work in their favor.

I doubt you are not f’d up. F’d people always compare thrr we mark each to their most f’d up friends.

I'm not effed up sorry that disappoints you and your world view that cheaters are doomed to screw everyone up for all eternity and everyone related to them must live a life of misery.
let's talk about you, you must be pretty effed up to be so invested in your friend's personal life that you are upset her ex isn't receiving sufficient karma ( I mean you've posted 2 threads on this alreayd pretty freaking obsessive), it's also telling that you seem to want the kids and your friends to be effed up, you want me, someone, you don't know to be effed up. That makes you a pretty effed-up and toxic person.

Are you cheating? You seem to be having a strong reaction to this.

It’s more likely that he would do it since his dad did it. Children of cheaters cheat.

I am actually a woman, and no I do not treat. The people having a strong reaction are the pair of you, insisting that someone must be effed up for the rest of their lives and that people must be cheaters if they disagree with your stance that the cheated on wife and spouse don't have to be damaged for the rest of their lives. I'm sorry your husband cheated on you, that sucks, but get help move on living in bitterness and misery onlyhurts you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that your friend is devastated, hurt, betrayed and she is watching him run off to be happy while she is alone however she isn't helping herself by becoming bitter.

I read a great saying ages ago, that was something similar to 'bitterness, resentment or anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to get sick'.

At some stage your friend needs to help herself otherwise she will drown in her bitterness. She needs to focus on herself and turn away from them and what is happening in their lives. Its hard but she needs to.

Perhaps when she is ready if she stops looking at them and really looks at her marriage she may look back and see it wasn't what she thought it was. Then perhaps she can look at her ex and see who he really is. It will eventually hopefully look really unappealing to her.

This is true but it doesn’t mean that I can’t feel sorry for people who have gotten screwed. I feel the same way about people struggling because of all kinds of harm. And it’s really easy from the outside to say to people who are still bitter about an abusive mother or an absentee father or whatever that they need to let it go. Of course they do but I don’t blame them for struggling with it.

This isn’t obsessing over it, it’s just having an opinion and feelings about it when the topic comes up.

You've made 2 threads on this topic. Time to move on. It's one thing to feel compassion and empathy for a friend it's another thing to coopt their pain for your own personal drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anything can really give you equanimity after your husband runs off with his ten years younger student and is now introducing your kids to her, your kids who don’t yet know that she was the AP or that the divorce was because of infidelity. She’s 42 and they were together for like 15 years. The OW is 30. He is a seriously immature person and I don’t see a grown up in their relationship, but it won’t matter bc he is independently wealthy. She will have kids, my friends kids will have half siblings, it just sucks to lose creative control of your family.

You never have as much control over your family as you think She does however have 100% control over her attitude. Sure it was shitty but she can move forward and have an awesome lif if she so chooses.

She can have a great life but the kids are gonna be f’d up.

That's their choice to be effed up. My dad cheated and split up the family and I'm no more effed up than my friends who have parents who remained happily married for years and less effed up than the kids whose parents stayed together or were miserable or who split and spent the years post-divorce battling each other. A large part of how messed up they will be is how the adults in their life act their mom being miserable and her bestie telling them that they have no choice but to be effed up isn't going to work in their favor.

I doubt you are not f’d up. F’d people always compare thrr we mark each to their most f’d up friends.

I'm not effed up sorry that disappoints you and your world view that cheaters are doomed to screw everyone up for all eternity and everyone related to them must live a life of misery.
let's talk about you, you must be pretty effed up to be so invested in your friend's personal life that you are upset her ex isn't receiving sufficient karma ( I mean you've posted 2 threads on this alreayd pretty freaking obsessive), it's also telling that you seem to want the kids and your friends to be effed up, you want me, someone, you don't know to be effed up. That makes you a pretty effed-up and toxic person.

Are you cheating? You seem to be having a strong reaction to this.

It’s more likely that he would do it since his dad did it. Children of cheaters cheat.

I am actually a woman, and no I do not treat. The people having a strong reaction are the pair of you, insisting that someone must be effed up for the rest of their lives and that people must be cheaters if they disagree with your stance that the cheated on wife and spouse don't have to be damaged for the rest of their lives. I'm sorry your husband cheated on you, that sucks, but get help move on living in bitterness and misery onlyhurts you.

NP. Pretty sure you aren’t a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anything can really give you equanimity after your husband runs off with his ten years younger student and is now introducing your kids to her, your kids who don’t yet know that she was the AP or that the divorce was because of infidelity. She’s 42 and they were together for like 15 years. The OW is 30. He is a seriously immature person and I don’t see a grown up in their relationship, but it won’t matter bc he is independently wealthy. She will have kids, my friends kids will have half siblings, it just sucks to lose creative control of your family.

You never have as much control over your family as you think She does however have 100% control over her attitude. Sure it was shitty but she can move forward and have an awesome lif if she so chooses.

She can have a great life but the kids are gonna be f’d up.

That's their choice to be effed up. My dad cheated and split up the family and I'm no more effed up than my friends who have parents who remained happily married for years and less effed up than the kids whose parents stayed together or were miserable or who split and spent the years post-divorce battling each other. A large part of how messed up they will be is how the adults in their life act their mom being miserable and her bestie telling them that they have no choice but to be effed up isn't going to work in their favor.

I doubt you are not f’d up. F’d people always compare thrr we mark each to their most f’d up friends.

I'm not effed up sorry that disappoints you and your world view that cheaters are doomed to screw everyone up for all eternity and everyone related to them must live a life of misery.
let's talk about you, you must be pretty effed up to be so invested in your friend's personal life that you are upset her ex isn't receiving sufficient karma ( I mean you've posted 2 threads on this alreayd pretty freaking obsessive), it's also telling that you seem to want the kids and your friends to be effed up, you want me, someone, you don't know to be effed up. That makes you a pretty effed-up and toxic person.

Oh come on. No parent is perfect and we are all impacted by the consequences of their actions. I have good relationships and I’m a pretty good mom and a functional human being but I know I have issues that I need to process.

I didn't say my parents are perfect. I said I'm not a uniquely effed up person. If it makes you feel better to believe you are irrevocably damaged by your childhood and want to process that until your 70 go right ahead, not everyone feels the same way.