Twin play date, one twin left out…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The twins need to learn that sometimes things are separate.

Yes this.

But plan something fun for him to do during the playdate. Also, don't mention the play date too far in advance. Morning of, tell sister she is going to play with Lucy. Then tell brother, he is going to have a fun time with daddy and go get ice cream! And yes we are doing things apart today. It's ok to be sad about it, but that's what we're doing. You can plan a playdate for brother (without sister) in the future too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a weirdo. If your kids were one year apart in age would you insist that they both do everything together always and with everyone? No. Just because they're twins doesn't make it any different. They were in the womb at the same time, great. They're still separate people.

You seem nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. This girl is not friends with your son. She’s friends with your daughter. It’s time your kids start making their own separate friends. They can still do activities together but you can’t force kids to be friends with both of them.

This. Absolutely not. Don’t hoist your other child on them. It will ruin the purpose and dynamic of the girls play date.

This is a mean mom who will end up with a mean girl who excludes people. Good grief, they are a month into kindergarten, it’s not like the two girls are lifelong besties who need to exclude people to uphold the “purpose and dynamic” of their play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you can see the attitude. BY GOD DONT BRING YOUR KID!!!! A bit over the top but there it is. Non twin moms never get that twins have a bond and so on. They lash out. And so strident about the need to separate them. Nice isn’t it? Signed twin mom.

+1 also twin mom. I agree on separating but the vitriol from non-twin moms is ridiculous. They just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you can see the attitude. BY GOD DONT BRING YOUR KID!!!! A bit over the top but there it is. Non twin moms never get that twins have a bond and so on. They lash out. And so strident about the need to separate them. Nice isn’t it? Signed twin mom.

+1 also twin mom. I agree on separating but the vitriol from non-twin moms is ridiculous. They just don't get it.

We kind of do but it is challenging. I don't want to hurt the feeling of the one twin who my kid is fine with but DC strongly prefers playing with the other child. It feels awkward to invite one over and not the other but the dynamic between the three is different than the two. We meet at the park or outside and just do things, which runs more smoothly but it would be nice to invite the one over without the other. We look for opportunities to have the twins and one other friend to balance things out but it is another layer of complexity.

DC knows both kids and has been in class with both, so it is not a situation where you can say "I didn't know there was a twin."

[Anonymous]

OP, you said that your twins had played before with this child, so the mom knows that you have twins. The fact that she didn't invite your son means that she only wanted to the playdate to be with the two girls, so no, I would not ask if your son could be included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said that your twins had played before with this child, so the mom knows that you have twins. The fact that she didn't invite your son means that she only wanted to the playdate to be with the two girls, so no, I would not ask if your son could be included.

I think this poster makes the best point of all. They know there is a twin. They didn't invite the twin.

Have some special one on one time with your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knows the girl and the 3 of them play together.

Where did they play together? It's possible that the girl is asking for a one-on-one with your DD, or it's possible that the mom feels she can only handle one extra kid.

[Anonymous]

Don’t ask. You realize the dynamic completely changes with three kids instead of two.

In my opinion it doesn’t matter if the kids all know each other and if they have played together before. What matters is only one of your kids was invited.

[Anonymous]

You do what you want. It happened in my neighborhood and rubbed some people the wrong way, so some chose to invite neither twin. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

[Anonymous]

I would probably say yes just to avoid conflict and then never invite your kids to another thing again, because you would have demonstrated a fundamental lack of boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you can see the attitude. BY GOD DONT BRING YOUR KID!!!! A bit over the top but there it is. Non twin moms never get that twins have a bond and so on. They lash out. And so strident about the need to separate them. Nice isn’t it? Signed twin mom.

I'm the one with the 11yo twins. Your comment is over the top. My kids have bond. It's great to see them interact with each other, but they have seperate interests too. Being with other people without their twin gives them a chance to explore their personality. And being apart makes coming back together all the more fun.

I am also a mom of 11 year old twins and your message proves the point. Yes twins have a bond so the play date dynamics change. It makes the host the odd one out. Not to mention it changes the options for what 3 can play vs 2, changes things for the host, etc

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Don’t ask. I know it’s hard to think outside your bubble but adding an extra kid does make a big difference to some people. I have a baby in addition to my 5 year old.

Play dates with one other child are manageable, but add in two unknown children and it’s chaotic. I simply do not have a enough hands to manage it at this point. Plus it completely changes the dynamic. It’s much harder to keep 3 kids quiet during nap time. It’s harder to keep track of where they are. Everything is harder. Don’t ask. It’s rude.

[Anonymous]

So nice to hear non-twin parents blocking friendships and penalizing kids based on a slightly awkward situation that is not at all within the kids’ control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you can see the attitude. BY GOD DONT BRING YOUR KID!!!! A bit over the top but there it is. Non twin moms never get that twins have a bond and so on. They lash out. And so strident about the need to separate them. Nice isn’t it? Signed twin mom.

+1 also twin mom. I agree on separating but the vitriol from non-twin moms is ridiculous. They just don't get it.

non-twin mom here. I don't agree with how the other people are presenting but, in my experience expecting twins to always do things together tends to limit friendships. My dd had twins sisters as friends and would have loved to done more things with the one twin because they had more in common. The other twin tended to dominate the shyer twin. But because of twin mom attitude ( you have to invite both or none) we didn't invite the one twin one so everyone missed out.

Just because they are twins, doesn't mean they are tied at the hips ( unless they are conjoined)