Twin play date, one twin left out…

[Anonymous]

I have 5 y o twin b/g. They are very close and usually have the same friends.
They are in different classrooms this year. The girl twin has a classroom friend she is got close to.
The mom is organizing a play date for her and my DD. I was wondering if it would be ok to ask if her twin can join?
He knows the girl and the 3 of them play together. They never had separate play date before and I don’t think he will take it well.
Also most of his friends are girls anyway which means DD would automatically be invited to any play date he might have.
I am wondering if I could ask for it for this one time while I ease him into doing his own stuffs.

If this ok to ask? If yes what is the best way to ask?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. This girl is not friends with your son. She’s friends with your daughter. It’s time your kids start making their own separate friends. They can still do activities together but you can’t force kids to be friends with both of them.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think there's anything you can do. But you can invite the girl back to play with both of your twins next time.

[Anonymous]

^ Even if she is friends with your son too, he was not not invited. It is rude to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 5 y o twin b/g. They are very close and usually have the same friends.
They are in different classrooms this year. The girl twin has a classroom friend she is got close to.
The mom is organizing a play date for her and my DD. I was wondering if it would be ok to ask if her twin can join?
He knows the girl and the 3 of them play together. They never had separate play date before and I don’t think he will take it well.
Also most of his friends are girls anyway which means DD would automatically be invited to any play date he might have.
I am wondering if I could ask for it for this one time while I ease him into doing his own stuffs.

If this ok to ask? If yes what is the best way to ask?

I think it is okay to ask for 5 year olds, but, things will shift as they get older. I'd start helping them make the transition to separate play dates over the course of the year.

[Anonymous]

No. Have your own play date for the boy.

[Anonymous]

Does the inviting mom know about the uninvited twin? If so, don’t say anything
And enjoy the 1 on 1 time with the uninvited twin.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask. Someone asked me once and it really was too much for me to handle.

[Anonymous]

Time for them to start developing some individual relationships as well joint relationships. Let this one be individual for now. Maybe when it is at your house DS will join in. Also, Some girls at that age don't like to play with boys so be sensitive to that.

[Anonymous]

Nope, would be rude to ask and this is the age where they should be developing separate friendships anyway.

[Anonymous]

Twin mom here. We just had this issue a few weeks ago although it was a birthday party. I thought it was a great learning experience for my twins.

My twins are in separate classes and I didn't know the parents of the birthday kid (so they didn't know my DC had a twin). When we got the invitation, I did not want to ask to invite the other twin because they kept the numbers small & outside due to Covid. And I thought it would be rude to ask.

I let the invited twin go to the party and I let the uninvited twin have a playdate with a good friend outside. It went really well and the kids were fine. They have to separate and learn that they don't do everything together. It's good for them.

Do something nice with your son while your daughter enjoys her play date.

[Anonymous]

No, you cannot ask the other family to include the twin. It's rude. You can ask the other mom if she would consider letting you host the first playdate at your house instead. But I wouldn't say the exact reason. I would say something like "it would be super helpful to me if Larlo could be occupied that day as well, so can we do it at my place and the kids will all play together?"

[Anonymous]

The twins need to learn that sometimes things are separate.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT ASK. Spend one on one time with your son.

Here is my experience: Several years ago when my daughter was 5, we invited a friend over. She was so excited about the playdate. The mom called me the day before and asked if twin sister could come too because she and her sister do everything together. I was reluctant because I had a newborn and some construction going on in my house, but the mom said the friend couldn't come if the sister couldn't because she couldn't deal with the twin crying the whole time her sister was gone. I felt bad so said it was okay. It was fine for the first 15 minutes and then the friend started saying she was bored and wanted to go home because my D and her twin sister were playing "baby" games. My D had always self entertained at play dates, but suddenly I found myself having to come up with activities so the friend wasn't bored. It was a very stressful 2 hours.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for don't ask. Some kids -- mine included -- don't do well with 3 person play dates.

If they are in different classes, I wouldn't asume that your daughter will be invited to all your son's play dates.