Anti vax DH won't compromise principles and may quit Fed job, how should I prepare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op your husband sounds like mine. I can only tell you my house has been a tense one, over this plus other issues that lately revolve around politics and vastly different views. It's frickin miserable. That said, I personally decided that I can't divorce over this or any of our other disagreements, at least not now. I have decided to stand down. The data on kids is somewhat reassuring and I believe they will most likely be ok without vaccines. The fed mandate will take at least a little time to implement and I'm sure will have lawsuits and such. My dh may fall unde a dod loophole because they seem to be treated differently. I'll wait and see what he decides to do and try to let him make the decision. In the meantime I'm seeking out a new therapist and working on the things I can control. If he did decide to quit with no other options, I think we would move to a lower col area and I would continue working remotely or possibly seek out a new job. Honestly that doesn't sound like a bad option to me either. I'm sure others here would call me crazy for trying to be accommodating but this is what I'm trying. My kids are younger so I might feel different if they were older. But in the meantime my priority is to keep my kids close and to try to be a supportive, understanding and forgiving spouse. God help us all.

I'm OP -- yes, this sounds familiar. I appreciate your feedback because you clearly understand what I am going through. No judgement here because I have been trying the same strategy so far.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He is probably fully vaccinated beyond the covid vaccine and its his choice. If you want to divorce, go for it. You sound really difficult. Just file for divorce, agree to 50/50 custody, move out and find housing for yourself and be done with it. If you threaten divorce, be prepared to follow through. If my spouse filed, there would be no turning back.

Your spouse should file.

My spouse had to take care of everything for three months after I got sick with the second vaccine shot after he pushed me into taking it. He doesn't want to do everything again and values our marriage. If he wants a divorce, he can have one.

You were sick for 3 months because of the vaccine? I call utter bullsheet

I believe them. It sounds like a mental illness and it seems to be ongoing…

[Anonymous]

My friend had to divorce a mentally ill husband.

You need to talk to a lawyer and get everything ready to go if he follows through with his inane plan.

Have a place to go with the kids if needed.

Get a therapist ready for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll post, troll thread?

This is OP -- nope, I'm real and have posted on and off for years. Not a troll, feel free to ask Jeff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just let him know that when someone voluntarily quits their job the family court imputes that income on them for child support. Let him read between the lines!

Fwiw my BIL refuses vaccination. It's too bad he won't be seeing us all that much!

I'm OP and thanks for this information. Will family court see this the same if my DH chooses not to get vaxxed and then gets fired because of it? I guess this also is a possibility.

[Anonymous]

This feels like a troll post. But, I'll say that it's up to a man to put aside his ego and do what he needs to do to take care of his family. Running from the vaccine out of a sense of pride and at the expense of one's family is selfish, immature, and unmanly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is probably fully vaccinated beyond the covid vaccine and its his choice. If you want to divorce, go for it. You sound really difficult. Just file for divorce, agree to 50/50 custody, move out and find housing for yourself and be done with it. If you threaten divorce, be prepared to follow through. If my spouse filed, there would be no turning back.

Your spouse should file.

+100

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would tell him if he quits his job over Covid he will lose both his job and his marriage. And if he says fine I’m quitting, start divorce proceedings. I know an anti-Vaxer who convinced his parents to not get vaccinated and they both died this summer from Covid. I wonder how he lives with that?

Probably waiting on inheritance.

Don’t you mean sick of waiting?

Covid denial is legal and given their ages it was a good bet to expedite the process.

What were their ages?

I was extrapolating. Obviously the parents are old enough to have an adult child. That puts them solidly into a higher risk category.

40 year olds can have adult children. So can 80 year olds.

[Anonymous]

This pandemic has shattered the illusion of control for many - especially those with underlying mental health issues or, more often, insecurity. The kind of weakness that attracts to a "strong" dictator-lite figure like Trump is challenged by this sense of helplessness and the illusion of freedom being taken away.

The real solution here is to work out why a happily married GS-15 supposedly reasonably high-functioning adult is feeling the need to regain control by acting out like this. You can't be married to a toddler having tantrums - but some work to find the cause of the underlying insecurity may be worth the investment.

Agree you should massively increase his life insurance though. The standard 5x GS-15 salary policy isn't nearly enough if he "dies to prove his point" like these other anti-vaccers are doing... get an additional $2M policy on him ASAP before they start asking for vaccination status.

[Anonymous]

Stop looking for an excuse to divorce. Move out, split everything in half and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no question in my mind that I would divorce him. Unless he has some legitimate PEG allergy or something but you have not mentioned

You have lost all grip on reality. WOW.

[Anonymous]

White male problems

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Principles? lol Your husband is mentally ill. You need to get him mental health help.

This is ridiculous. DH, DC and I are all fully vaxed. I agree with the mandate and wish Biden would have included all interstate travel by public transport but someone not wanting to be vaxxed does not mean they are mentally ill.

OP, I'm sorry. There is no easy answer on this but if he does quit his job without another comparable job that would be a dealbreaker for me.

Believing covid testing is harmful to people? Behaving increasingly erratically?

Agreed. He is mentally ill. Mental illness is a grounds for divorce. Financial suicide is a grounds for divorce. That you have thought to divorce him even before this...it is ground for divorce. Protect yourself and your kids and make sure that he is out of the house.

Hi ! It’s not the 1950s any more! Women don’t need “grounds for divorce”. They can just decide, “I do not wnat to live with this person any more.”

OP. You can handle this however you like. Personally, I would tell my DH - the evidence is clear that vaccination is safer than being unvaccinated. Your being unvaccinated is a risk to me both physically and financially and to the kids who need a dad. If you get sick with COVID, I will not take care of you. If you go to the hospital with COVID, I will not visit you or call you. In fact, if you refuse to get vaccinated and quit your job, I will file for divorce and full custody of the kids. I love you, and I am asking you to get vaccinated, because we all want you around. You are an adult who is free to make his own choices, but I am also free to make my choices.

He is not mentally ill. He is allowing himself to be brain-washed. For whatever reason he is choosing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take out extra life insurance on him, in addition to consulting a lawyer. Maybe ask him about his plans? Has he started applying for non fed jobs already?

It's probable kids will eventually bring Covid home from school and he will be much more susceptible than if he was vaccinated.

You can’t take life insurance out on another person.

[Anonymous]

Why is he refusing testing? I don't get it.