DW not in love anymore

[Anonymous]

Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.

I'm sorry, but you may be right. Can you share some of the issues you're working through? Maybe we can help you. Sometimes when one partner is done, they're just done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dawned on me today. She has good cause (although not the typical cause) but never really struck me until now. We're in therapy ostensibly to get through a couple large issues, but I think she's decided that they are close to insurmountable. Even if we get over them, I don't see a path for her to love me like she did several years back. Her couple comments about that time and before in counseling have not been inspiring or particularly misty-eyed on her part, even though we were inseparable.

Her negative body language and thinly veiled attitude of "*sigh*I have better things to do" on the few occasions we have time alone together are telling. OTOH when she comes home from seeing friends or drinks with colleagues she, her happiness is clearly evident. But the rest of the week she's oh so tired.

We may stumble through therapy so we can be comfortable that we have explored that avenue, but the best I can see coming out the other side is more well adjusted roommates and co parents to our DDs than we are now. And then divorce in a couple years on her motion rather than near the end of this year. God I hope I'm wrong.

I'm sorry brother. Obviously I have no insight into your situation beyond what you've posted, but it doesn't paint a promising picture. I hope things work out for the best with DW, but keep in mind that life is too short to live in unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, OP. I'm sure it's been a very painful road for both of you, and I hope that wherever you end up, you can both find peace.

[Anonymous]

I could be your wife. We're in a similar situation, including counseling but I just don't know how to go back.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Trust is one big issue (her trusting me). The other is emotional and physical distance between us, which is more mutual. I love her dearly.

[Anonymous]

I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Surreal is a good word. Just at a complete loss of what to do almost, and it's not like those things I know she wants are really going to fix anything. I'd be thrilled if they did, but I think if we get there she will look up and be in the same place.

She might not even have admitted this to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

I think this is true for a lot of DWs, sadly. I went through a period of this, too. The only way we got over this hump was for us to change our lives and for DH to realize that he was not the only one who had to give up some things after kids came along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

I think this is true for a lot of DWs, sadly. I went through a period of this, too. The only way we got over this hump was for us to change our lives and for DH to realize that he was not the only one who had to give up some things after kids came along.

DW here. I am very resentful at my DH for the years of my shouldering the emotional burden of having a family. I woke up and realized that I do not have an equal partner. I don't want to lose my family, but I am questioningwhether this has sucked all of the love I ever had for DH. We are in therapy so only time will tell.

[Anonymous]

What did you do, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

I think this is true for a lot of DWs, sadly. I went through a period of this, too. The only way we got over this hump was for us to change our lives and for DH to realize that he was not the only one who had to give up some things after kids came along.

DW here. I am very resentful at my DH for the years of my shouldering the emotional burden of having a family. I woke up and realized that I do not have an equal partner. I don't want to lose my family, but I am questioningwhether this has sucked all of the love I ever had for DH. We are in therapy so only time will tell.

So many men do this. I am an unmarried, unpregnant young woman. But hearing about this happening time and time again seriously makes me wonder if the best route would be making a good amount of money and becoming a single mom. I cannot imagine the emotional loneliness of having to raise a child AND navigate the temper tantrums of a selfish DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

I think this is true for a lot of DWs, sadly. I went through a period of this, too. The only way we got over this hump was for us to change our lives and for DH to realize that he was not the only one who had to give up some things after kids came along.

DW here. I am very resentful at my DH for the years of my shouldering the emotional burden of having a family. I woke up and realized that I do not have an equal partner. I don't want to lose my family, but I am questioningwhether this has sucked all of the love I ever had for DH. We are in therapy so only time will tell.

Me too. It's been years of being the outlet for all his frustrations, him waffling between denying and apologizing for it, me struggling without help while I try to make everything perfect so he won't have a reason to be stressed etc. I just shit down. I have no more to give. He's finally coming around but I feel like a shell. I have nothing to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

I think this is true for a lot of DWs, sadly. I went through a period of this, too. The only way we got over this hump was for us to change our lives and for DH to realize that he was not the only one who had to give up some things after kids came along.

DW here. I am very resentful at my DH for the years of my shouldering the emotional burden of having a family. I woke up and realized that I do not have an equal partner. I don't want to lose my family, but I am questioningwhether this has sucked all of the love I ever had for DH. We are in therapy so only time will tell.

Me too. It's been years of being the outlet for all his frustrations, him waffling between denying and apologizing for it, me struggling without help while I try to make everything perfect so he won't have a reason to be stressed etc. I just shit down. I have no more to give. He's finally coming around but I feel like a shell. I have nothing to give.

I think a lot of men do this and then they are totally baffled when the wife finally has had enough and checks out herself. Honestly, it amuses me. You reap what you sow, you get what you give.

If you act like a shit and a spoiled brat for years, dont be surprised when no one wants to be around you anymore. That's how life works. A marriage certificate is not a carte blanche approval to act like a jerk and have your spouse put up with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife. We're in a similar situation, including counseling but I just don't know how to go back.

Go back to loving DH?