DW not in love anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

I think this is true for a lot of DWs, sadly. I went through a period of this, too. The only way we got over this hump was for us to change our lives and for DH to realize that he was not the only one who had to give up some things after kids came along.

DW here. I am very resentful at my DH for the years of my shouldering the emotional burden of having a family. I woke up and realized that I do not have an equal partner. I don't want to lose my family, but I am questioningwhether this has sucked all of the love I ever had for DH. We are in therapy so only time will tell.

So many men do this. I am an unmarried, unpregnant young woman. But hearing about this happening time and time again seriously makes me wonder if the best route would be making a good amount of money and becoming a single mom. I cannot imagine the emotional loneliness of having to raise a child AND navigate the temper tantrums of a selfish DH.

Don't spend too much time on this forum. Mostly you'll hear from the unhappily marrieds. There are plenty of us with awesome DHs who don't post because we have nothing to complain about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through the same thing. It is actually surreal to say the least. We had such great times and she was so in love. After three kids and life over the last ten years she has so much bottled up resentment and can only focus on the negative. So sad.

I think this is true for a lot of DWs, sadly. I went through a period of this, too. The only way we got over this hump was for us to change our lives and for DH to realize that he was not the only one who had to give up some things after kids came along.

DW here. I am very resentful at my DH for the years of my shouldering the emotional burden of having a family. I woke up and realized that I do not have an equal partner. I don't want to lose my family, but I am questioningwhether this has sucked all of the love I ever had for DH. We are in therapy so only time will tell.

Me too. It's been years of being the outlet for all his frustrations, him waffling between denying and apologizing for it, me struggling without help while I try to make everything perfect so he won't have a reason to be stressed etc. I just shit down. I have no more to give. He's finally coming around but I feel like a shell. I have nothing to give.

I think a lot of men do this and then they are totally baffled when the wife finally has had enough and checks out herself. Honestly, it amuses me. You reap what you sow, you get what you give.

If you act like a shit and a spoiled brat for years, dont be surprised when no one wants to be around you anymore. That's how life works. A marriage certificate is not a carte blanche approval to act like a jerk and have your spouse put up with it.

My husband also relied on me to maintain his social life, which I could no longer shoulder after a couple years with a young child. He really has no one now. I feel bad for him but there's only so much I can do in a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife. We're in a similar situation, including counseling but I just don't know how to go back.

Go back to loving DH?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Surreal is a good word. Just at a complete loss of what to do almost, and it's not like those things I know she wants are really going to fix anything. I'd be thrilled if they did, but I think if we get there she will look up and be in the same place.

She might not even have admitted this to herself.

Why not try doing those things she wants? I know you don't think they will help, and maybe they won't, but if you want your fix your marriage as much as you say you do, isn't it worth a try? It kind of feels like you're telling yourself this as an excuse so you don't have to actually do anything differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Surreal is a good word. Just at a complete loss of what to do almost, and it's not like those things I know she wants are really going to fix anything. I'd be thrilled if they did, but I think if we get there she will look up and be in the same place.

She might not even have admitted this to herself.

Why not try doing those things she wants? I know you don't think they will help, and maybe they won't, but if you want your fix your marriage as much as you say you do, isn't it worth a try? It kind of feels like you're telling yourself this as an excuse so you don't have to actually do anything differently.

This. Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife. We're in a similar situation, including counseling but I just don't know how to go back.

Go back to loving DH?

Yes

Have you told him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Surreal is a good word. Just at a complete loss of what to do almost, and it's not like those things I know she wants are really going to fix anything. I'd be thrilled if they did, but I think if we get there she will look up and be in the same place.

She might not even have admitted this to herself.

Why not try doing those things she wants? I know you don't think they will help, and maybe they won't, but if you want your fix your marriage as much as you say you do, isn't it worth a try? It kind of feels like you're telling yourself this as an excuse so you don't have to actually do anything differently.

OP here. I will and more. It just hit me with a ton of bricks that even if I do everything she needs/wants to be in a position to get past things, there may not be any love waiting at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Surreal is a good word. Just at a complete loss of what to do almost, and it's not like those things I know she wants are really going to fix anything. I'd be thrilled if they did, but I think if we get there she will look up and be in the same place.

She might not even have admitted this to herself.

Why not try doing those things she wants? I know you don't think they will help, and maybe they won't, but if you want your fix your marriage as much as you say you do, isn't it worth a try? It kind of feels like you're telling yourself this as an excuse so you don't have to actually do anything differently.

OP here. I will and more. It just hit me with a ton of bricks that even if I do everything she needs/wants to be in a position to get past things, there may not be any love waiting at the end.

Good. About time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife. We're in a similar situation, including counseling but I just don't know how to go back.

Go back to loving DH?

Yes

Have you told him?

Yes. We're in counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Surreal is a good word. Just at a complete loss of what to do almost, and it's not like those things I know she wants are really going to fix anything. I'd be thrilled if they did, but I think if we get there she will look up and be in the same place.

She might not even have admitted this to herself.

Why not try doing those things she wants? I know you don't think they will help, and maybe they won't, but if you want your fix your marriage as much as you say you do, isn't it worth a try? It kind of feels like you're telling yourself this as an excuse so you don't have to actually do anything differently.

OP here. I will and more. It just hit me with a ton of bricks that even if I do everything she needs/wants to be in a position to get past things, there may not be any love waiting at the end.

That's the problem with neglecting people and treating them poorly, there is no sure fix. Hopefully your efforts will be helpful and she can work on being a better partner to you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife. We're in a similar situation, including counseling but I just don't know how to go back.

Go back to loving DH?

Yes

Have you told him?

Yes. We're in counseling.

Well at least your DH knows you're no longer in love with him. I hope my DW is open like that with me.

[Anonymous]

My sister checked out of her marriage like this. For ten years, prior to their divorce. She doesn't sound emotionally engaged. That's a bad sign for women. A good therapist would catch on to that instead of taking your money. When a woman won't engage to fix things, she's already gone.

I'm sorry, but that's how it is most the time. Ask another therapist by yourself - or make an appointment with this one and be frank.

I'm very sorry.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't she trust you? What is it you're concerned she can't move on from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't she trust you? What is it you're concerned she can't move on from?

OP here. It's not really that I'm concerned she can't move on from it (I'm concerned about that - but if she can't move on it probably will be my own failing), it's that I'm concerned that even if she does move on, it won't matter. She will be in a better place, reasonably happy, and.... still not love me. I guess I'm not really looking for advice, just crying out. But it seems I'm not the only one in this boat, which itself is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't she trust you? What is it you're concerned she can't move on from?

OP here. It's not really that I'm concerned she can't move on from it (I'm concerned about that - but if she can't move on it probably will be my own failing), it's that I'm concerned that even if she does move on, it won't matter. She will be in a better place, reasonably happy, and.... still not love me. I guess I'm not really looking for advice, just crying out. But it seems I'm not the only one in this boat, which itself is helpful.

But why the lack of trust? Did you lie to her? Cheat on her?