What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did not read all the posts ...oh my...this became "DCUM"y very quickly....

One thing that I did different was that my kids bedrooms were never set up as a nursery, since the kids were sleeping in the crib and bed in our master bedroom at night.

Instead of kid-sized furniture in the bedroom, we put in queen-sized bed, normal sized dressers and love-seat. We decorated the bedrooms in cute colors, bedspreads, art that was more specific to children, but the furniture itself was adult-sized.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why does it bother people if other parents don’t want their underage children having sex? Thats disgusting. They are children. This is the United States. People should have the freedom to believe and do whatever they want.

10 years from now your kid is going to be sitting in therapy because their parent called them disgusting when they found out they had sex at 17 with their also 17 year old boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s was teenagers do. It’s normal, it’s healthy and it’s parents like you that cause kids to grow up having intimacy issues.

NP. No, teenagers having sex is not healthy (unless they’re married, and most teens are not mature enough for that). Sex is a huge commitment that involves emotional intimacy and physical risks as well (STDs, pregnancy). Even if you have no religious or moral objection to teen sex, consider this: no birth control is 100%. If your son gets a girl pregnant, he has zero say in what happens next. None. She might abort a baby he wanted to raise. He may spend the rest of his life paying for a baby he didn’t want. I tell my son not to have sex with anyone he wouldn’t want to co-parent with for the rest of his life.

And causal sex is more likely to lead to intimacy issues than avoiding it is. DH and I dated for many years without having sex and eventually got married. Very close with each other and our families of origin.

I was a teenager once. And I was having sex. So was literally every other teenager I knew. I was extremely responsible-I was on BC and we always used condoms as well every single time. Saying “don’t have sex” actually causes more teenage pregnancies then making sure your teenagers are safe, have the facts and know to they can come to you about birth control.

I am not a fan of teens having sex but once you are a young adult, maybe with degree in hand, say 21 years old, and can have a real job it’s fair game to enjoy being young regardless of married or not.

Haha, you are hilarious. A young person has to have a degree and a job before they can have sex? Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

I don't allow loads of sugar and junk on a daily basis. I have never in my life ordered chicken nuggets or McDonalds for my kids for example. I obviously don't control that at their friends' houses and at parties, but they are intelligent kids who know how bad these types of "foods" are and rarely eat it now anyways.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I waited to have sex until marriage. I think it let me enjoy sex with fewer hang ups. It really wasn't that hard for me to wait. Teenage boys are kind of gross and I thought so as a teen too.

Well I mean, that’s great. But you don’t know any different. Which is not necessarily a bad thing but also doesn’t mean it’s any better than not waiting either.

One of the risks of waiting until you are married is finding out you are not sexually compatible. Two people can be compatible in so many ways but not sexually. You are lucky that it’s worked out for you.

Sexual compatibility is a scam and the reason so many people on this board have terrible sex lives. Sex is a physical act and the body changes drastically through the phases of adulthood. You have to change along with your partner and it’s extremely difficult for people who didn’t wait to understand that.

DP. Agree. I’ve only had sex with my DH (& vice versa). Still have a great sex life after 20+ years. If you’re in love, you will enjoy sex together. There’s nothing magical that makes you “sexually compatible” or not.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

They are probably too nerdy for dating

[Anonymous]

This whole topic is mostly crazy parents. I do agree with no pitbulls and no guns but other things are crazy. Way to ruin your kids’ childhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hate to think my kids weren’t having sex in college. What a waste!

My kids are both in healthy monogamous relationships and I would be sad if they missed out on this very important part of life at an age when it is so vital and fun.

Exactly. I had a lot of fun in college and in my 20s and was happy to settle down at 30. Now at 50 I am divorced but I don’t feel compelled to find a man at any cost, unlike many of my friends who didn’t have that when they were young and are running wild in their 40s which looks ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not be poor or uneducated. America is for the rich.

I’d say it’s sometimes advantageous to be poor if you know how to work it. But being reasonably educated is necessary in order to find loopholes in policies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

This whole thread is very bizarre and truly divorced from reality.

Unfortunately such parents exist and screw up their kids. I grew up in a family that didn’t allow us to do things other kids did and it was a bad experience which imho contributed to my going wild in college. Did some pretty dangerous stuff just because I didn’t have immunity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents “forbid” dating and I can say I pretty much followed their expectation. I didn’t see the point in getting attached to a boyfriend when we were all going to college in different places. Plus the boys in my school were kind of gross for the most part. I knew other kids with similar parents who dated anyway. I guess it depends on the kid and how much they buy in to your beliefs.

But did you have any proposals from cute guys you liked? It’s easy to resist temptation when no one’s tempting you

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

Did you go to school with your kids? Did you go with them to socialize with friends? You have no idea of they acted upon romantic interests.

Yes, I did. I was very involved in the school so I knew what was happening at the school. Plus, dropping them, picking them up, being at home with them, tutoring them. They were socializing mainly with same gender friends within their programs and the parents were also those that prioritized education. I know it is hard for you to believe but there is a group of immigrant kids (you know those who play the violin, win robotics, hackathons and Math competitions, program apps, have perfect GPA and ace SAT, win spelling bees and science competitions, write research papers and start non-profits) - who just have a different aim in life. Also, they are leaning on parents for logistical support and so they are always under the watchful eyes of parents.

These poor kids! No one wants to date them anyway so one less danger for their weird parents

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have to start by addressing the pitbulls. Mine is currently laying on me and snoring as my laptop uses him as a desk. Only pitbulls bred to be aggressive will be aggressive; most pitbulls are big cuddle buddies! Mine's incredibly chill and the reason we adopted him from a shelter is because I've met so many loving pitbulls in the past.

Regarding not dating in high school: I didn't have a rule set by my parents but was raised with good morals. I chose not to be intimate until I met the man I eventually married. I'm not a conservative and I didn't grow up going to church. I also choose not to drink alcohol. It's possible to raise a child to have an innate sense of propriety and right vs wrong without laying down the law on them; my parents actually had very few rules and trusted me to do the right thing. I therefore had nothing to rebel against.

100% of pitbulls were bred to be aggressive. That is how the pitbull breed came into existence, people intentionally wanted to create an aggressive bread.

I realize it's a typo but I love the idea of an aggressive bread.

lol! A special American bread which we just can’t condone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not be poor or uneducated. America is for the rich.

I’d say it’s sometimes advantageous to be poor if you know how to work it. But being reasonably educated is necessary in order to find loopholes in policies.

WTF no you are way off base. Nobody wants to be poor for the “advantages” you seem like a bigot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Why does it bother people if other parents don’t want their underage children having sex? Thats disgusting. They are children. This is the United States. People should have the freedom to believe and do whatever they want.

10 years from now your kid is going to be sitting in therapy because their parent called them disgusting when they found out they had sex at 17 with their also 17 year old boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s was teenagers do. It’s normal, it’s healthy and it’s parents like you that cause kids to grow up having intimacy issues.

NP. No, teenagers having sex is not healthy (unless they’re married, and most teens are not mature enough for that). Sex is a huge commitment that involves emotional intimacy and physical risks as well (STDs, pregnancy). Even if you have no religious or moral objection to teen sex, consider this: no birth control is 100%. If your son gets a girl pregnant, he has zero say in what happens next. None. She might abort a baby he wanted to raise. He may spend the rest of his life paying for a baby he didn’t want. I tell my son not to have sex with anyone he wouldn’t want to co-parent with for the rest of his life.

And causal sex is more likely to lead to intimacy issues than avoiding it is. DH and I dated for many years without having sex and eventually got married. Very close with each other and our families of origin.

I was a teenager once. And I was having sex. So was literally every other teenager I knew. I was extremely responsible-I was on BC and we always used condoms as well every single time. Saying “don’t have sex” actually causes more teenage pregnancies then making sure your teenagers are safe, have the facts and know to they can come to you about birth control.

I am not a fan of teens having sex but once you are a young adult, maybe with degree in hand, say 21 years old, and can have a real job it’s fair game to enjoy being young regardless of married or not.

So glad you are here to set us all straight about when it’s appropriate!

Guess what? Teenagers typically don’t care if their parents are “fans of it” or not. Have you ever met a teenager? Also, to the pp who said “my son isn’t pressuring any girls because he has not dated yet” I’ll be laughing at this one all night. I would hope nobody is pressuring anybody to do anything they aren’t comfortable with, but to imply your child hasn’t had sex just because they haven’t dated is naive.

If her son is “a typical spelling bee winner” or however it was described upthread then I believe her. He probably didn’t have sex yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not be poor or uneducated. America is for the rich.

I’d say it’s sometimes advantageous to be poor if you know how to work it. But being reasonably educated is necessary in order to find loopholes in policies.

WTF no you are way off base. Nobody wants to be poor for the “advantages” you seem like a bigot.

I don’t mean truly poor as in there’s no $400 for emergencies (a common test for poverty). I mean someone with a modest income that qualifies them for section 8, Medicaid, maybe even food stamps, and some assets that don’t disqualify them. Someone with a cash side gig and well off relatives to help if needed.
They get financial assistance for college and pay very little for their housing but they aren’t hungry and they travel and go out. There no house with a picket fence but it’s not a bad life.