Who Is Most Out Of Bounds Here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has an old college room mate named Dave that is a bit of a wild card. Dave struggled with alcohol and substance abuse his whole life despite being incredibly successful professionally. I have suspected for two decades that he is undiagnosed BPD.

Anyway, this was graduation weekend and I posted some celebratory pics of my DD ("Audrey") and her friends. In one of the pics he comments:

"Congrats! Audrey is going to USC in the Fall, righ? Looks like she'll enjoy the food there!"

My DD is not fat but she is still carrying a little baby weight around her hips and she is naturally large chested. To say this was out of bounds is putting it mildly.

However, my DH went into a blind rage and replied with:

"Hey Dave, has Susan (Dave's wife) found out about your affair with Nicole (Dave's ex gf) that weekend you went to Chicago yet?"

The setting on the post were public so his wife saw all this. She has called my a dozen times and left horribly unkind VMs accusing me of 'sabotaging' her marriage. I replied with a text once stating take it up with Dave and do not contact me again. Then I blocked her.

I know my DH was wrong to stir the post but wasn't it fair game given Dave's intial insult?

No. Your husband should have taken the high road. If someone stabs you you don't get to stab them back "for free" because it's fair game. You both go to jail.

Uh isn't that called self defense?

If someone calls you a name, or in this case, makes an observation that you like food, you don't get to knife them. Only one goes to jail.

Are you responding to the correct poster? PP said if someone stabs you, you aren't allowed to stab them back. I think if my life is in danger from someone stabbing me you better believe I'd do it back and it would be self defense.

No I have it right. This wasn't an equal or proportionate response to the initial slight, there was no stabbing. It's not an eye for an eye or self defense. OP even says he was "blind with rage". Maybe the family needs to get over their shame and embarrassment over their daughter's size.

Yeah USUALLY when someone does something innocuous and a person near to them has an insanely overblown response it is because it is the 100th time something like this has happened not the first.

My dad was bullied in elementary school by a kid, constantly picked on in ways big and small for months. One day the kid comes up to him in the lunch room and makes a little dig and my dad grabbed the bottle of mustard on the table and doused the kid in it, squirted it everywhere. It was a totally out of proportion reaction to that one dig, but a perhaps underreaction when considering the totality of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll, people. Come on!
Show us the insta or troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has an old college room mate named Dave that is a bit of a wild card. Dave struggled with alcohol and substance abuse his whole life despite being incredibly successful professionally. I have suspected for two decades that he is undiagnosed BPD.

Anyway, this was graduation weekend and I posted some celebratory pics of my DD ("Audrey") and her friends. In one of the pics he comments:

"Congrats! Audrey is going to USC in the Fall, righ? Looks like she'll enjoy the food there!"

My DD is not fat but she is still carrying a little baby weight around her hips and she is naturally large chested. To say this was out of bounds is putting it mildly.

However, my DH went into a blind rage and replied with:

"Hey Dave, has Susan (Dave's wife) found out about your affair with Nicole (Dave's ex gf) that weekend you went to Chicago yet?"

The setting on the post were public so his wife saw all this. She has called my a dozen times and left horribly unkind VMs accusing me of 'sabotaging' her marriage. I replied with a text once stating take it up with Dave and do not contact me again. Then I blocked her.

I know my DH was wrong to stir the post but wasn't it fair game given Dave's intial insult?

No. Your husband should have taken the high road. If someone stabs you you don't get to stab them back "for free" because it's fair game. You both go to jail.

Uh isn't that called self defense?

If someone calls you a name, or in this case, makes an observation that you like food, you don't get to knife them. Only one goes to jail.

Are you responding to the correct poster? PP said if someone stabs you, you aren't allowed to stab them back. I think if my life is in danger from someone stabbing me you better believe I'd do it back and it would be self defense.

No I have it right. This wasn't an equal or proportionate response to the initial slight, there was no stabbing. It's not an eye for an eye or self defense. OP even says he was "blind with rage". Maybe the family needs to get over their shame and embarrassment over their daughter's size.

Yeah USUALLY when someone does something innocuous and a person near to them has an insanely overblown response it is because it is the 100th time something like this has happened not the first.

My dad was bullied in elementary school by a kid, constantly picked on in ways big and small for months. One day the kid comes up to him in the lunch room and makes a little dig and my dad grabbed the bottle of mustard on the table and doused the kid in it, squirted it everywhere. It was a totally out of proportion reaction to that one dig, but a perhaps underreaction when considering the totality of the relationship.

I'd like OP to provide at least ONE other example which doesn't require adding your own facts. But, alas, OP won't do that so don't presume you know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one guy insults family and fair game is to humiliate the other family?

Who raised you people?

People who don't humiliate other people's kids ...to ad insult, in a very public manner!

And frankly, when you go that low to publicly humiliating someone's kid, all bets are off.

Publicly humiliating the child of the person who knows that you had an affair no less. Dave is clearly a horrible idiot and it is difficult for me to muster sympathy for him.

Do you recognize that Dave also has a wife and kids? What about them?

I don't think its on OP or her DH to have to swallow Dave's horrific treatment of them and I don't think they owe the daughter and wife going out of their way to deny themselves an honest response.

I think the DH was over the line. I also think he was probably seeing red after Dave said something seemingly DESIGNED to make him see red. And IMO this is a lot of justification to get around to trying to protect Dave from the consequences of his actions.

Horrific treatment? You exaggerate a bit much.

I mean there have CLEARLY been other incidents! OP's wife has long suspected him of BPD! This is obviously not the first offense.

And I guess you think differently about your kids than I do because if someone called my teenage daughter fat in any way shape or form, let alone in a way clearly designed to mock her in a celebratory moment on my public Facebook page I would lose my ever loving sh*t. I would delete the person's post, unfriend them and excoriate them on text and not blow up their life because I wouldn't want that on MY page but I would lose my mind. And talk an incredible amount of crap about them to everyone who would listen. That is absolutely a horrific thing to do.

And all of that is fine. That would have been the correct way to handle. DH did not do this.

People can go a bit temporarily insane when kids are involved. And what you aren't acknowledging is that Dave poked this bear KNOWING the bear knew all this. KNOWING that this bear could in fact blow up his life. If someone in my life knew I had some life altering affair I would be VERY nice to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one guy insults family and fair game is to humiliate the other family?

Who raised you people?

People who don't humiliate other people's kids ...to ad insult, in a very public manner!

And frankly, when you go that low to publicly humiliating someone's kid, all bets are off.

Publicly humiliating the child of the person who knows that you had an affair no less. Dave is clearly a horrible idiot and it is difficult for me to muster sympathy for him.

Do you recognize that Dave also has a wife and kids? What about them?

I don't think its on OP or her DH to have to swallow Dave's horrific treatment of them and I don't think they owe the daughter and wife going out of their way to deny themselves an honest response.

I think the DH was over the line. I also think he was probably seeing red after Dave said something seemingly DESIGNED to make him see red. And IMO this is a lot of justification to get around to trying to protect Dave from the consequences of his actions.

Horrific treatment? You exaggerate a bit much.

I mean there have CLEARLY been other incidents! OP's wife has long suspected him of BPD! This is obviously not the first offense.

And I guess you think differently about your kids than I do because if someone called my teenage daughter fat in any way shape or form, let alone in a way clearly designed to mock her in a celebratory moment on my public Facebook page I would lose my ever loving sh*t. I would delete the person's post, unfriend them and excoriate them on text and not blow up their life because I wouldn't want that on MY page but I would lose my mind. And talk an incredible amount of crap about them to everyone who would listen. That is absolutely a horrific thing to do.

And all of that is fine. That would have been the correct way to handle. DH did not do this.

People can go a bit temporarily insane when kids are involved. And what you aren't acknowledging is that Dave poked this bear KNOWING the bear knew all this. KNOWING that this bear could in fact blow up his life. If someone in my life knew I had some life altering affair I would be VERY nice to them.

Everyone knows Dave messed up how many times does it need to be said? But this is NOT the way to handle it. At all. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has an old college room mate named Dave that is a bit of a wild card. Dave struggled with alcohol and substance abuse his whole life despite being incredibly successful professionally. I have suspected for two decades that he is undiagnosed BPD.

Anyway, this was graduation weekend and I posted some celebratory pics of my DD ("Audrey") and her friends. In one of the pics he comments:

"Congrats! Audrey is going to USC in the Fall, righ? Looks like she'll enjoy the food there!"

My DD is not fat but she is still carrying a little baby weight around her hips and she is naturally large chested. To say this was out of bounds is putting it mildly.

However, my DH went into a blind rage and replied with:

"Hey Dave, has Susan (Dave's wife) found out about your affair with Nicole (Dave's ex gf) that weekend you went to Chicago yet?"

The setting on the post were public so his wife saw all this. She has called my a dozen times and left horribly unkind VMs accusing me of 'sabotaging' her marriage. I replied with a text once stating take it up with Dave and do not contact me again. Then I blocked her.

I know my DH was wrong to stir the post but wasn't it fair game given Dave's intial insult?

No. Your husband should have taken the high road. If someone stabs you you don't get to stab them back "for free" because it's fair game. You both go to jail.

Uh isn't that called self defense?

If someone calls you a name, or in this case, makes an observation that you like food, you don't get to knife them. Only one goes to jail.

Are you responding to the correct poster? PP said if someone stabs you, you aren't allowed to stab them back. I think if my life is in danger from someone stabbing me you better believe I'd do it back and it would be self defense.

No I have it right. This wasn't an equal or proportionate response to the initial slight, there was no stabbing. It's not an eye for an eye or self defense. OP even says he was "blind with rage". Maybe the family needs to get over their shame and embarrassment over their daughter's size.

Yeah USUALLY when someone does something innocuous and a person near to them has an insanely overblown response it is because it is the 100th time something like this has happened not the first.

My dad was bullied in elementary school by a kid, constantly picked on in ways big and small for months. One day the kid comes up to him in the lunch room and makes a little dig and my dad grabbed the bottle of mustard on the table and doused the kid in it, squirted it everywhere. It was a totally out of proportion reaction to that one dig, but a perhaps underreaction when considering the totality of the relationship.

I'd like OP to provide at least ONE other example which doesn't require adding your own facts. But, alas, OP won't do that so don't presume you know this.

I didn't read all 30 pages of this but the bolded from the OP tells the tale:

My DH has an old college room mate named Dave that is a bit of a wild card. Dave struggled with alcohol and substance abuse his whole life despite being incredibly successful professionally. I have suspected for two decades that he is undiagnosed BPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one guy insults family and fair game is to humiliate the other family?

Who raised you people?

People who don't humiliate other people's kids ...to ad insult, in a very public manner!

And frankly, when you go that low to publicly humiliating someone's kid, all bets are off.

Publicly humiliating the child of the person who knows that you had an affair no less. Dave is clearly a horrible idiot and it is difficult for me to muster sympathy for him.

Do you recognize that Dave also has a wife and kids? What about them?

I don't think its on OP or her DH to have to swallow Dave's horrific treatment of them and I don't think they owe the daughter and wife going out of their way to deny themselves an honest response.

I think the DH was over the line. I also think he was probably seeing red after Dave said something seemingly DESIGNED to make him see red. And IMO this is a lot of justification to get around to trying to protect Dave from the consequences of his actions.

Horrific treatment? You exaggerate a bit much.

I mean there have CLEARLY been other incidents! OP's wife has long suspected him of BPD! This is obviously not the first offense.

And I guess you think differently about your kids than I do because if someone called my teenage daughter fat in any way shape or form, let alone in a way clearly designed to mock her in a celebratory moment on my public Facebook page I would lose my ever loving sh*t. I would delete the person's post, unfriend them and excoriate them on text and not blow up their life because I wouldn't want that on MY page but I would lose my mind. And talk an incredible amount of crap about them to everyone who would listen. That is absolutely a horrific thing to do.

And all of that is fine. That would have been the correct way to handle. DH did not do this.

People can go a bit temporarily insane when kids are involved. And what you aren't acknowledging is that Dave poked this bear KNOWING the bear knew all this. KNOWING that this bear could in fact blow up his life. If someone in my life knew I had some life altering affair I would be VERY nice to them.

Everyone knows Dave messed up how many times does it need to be said? But this is NOT the way to handle it. At all. Two wrongs don't make a right.

What if Dave killed someone in a hit and run drunk. And that was what DH blurted out? Why is it that victims of horrible cheating dbags should have the crimes perpetrated against them hidden? I honestly don't get this. It shouldn't have come out like that but if it were me I'd think the guy did me a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one guy insults family and fair game is to humiliate the other family?

Who raised you people?

People who don't humiliate other people's kids ...to ad insult, in a very public manner!

And frankly, when you go that low to publicly humiliating someone's kid, all bets are off.

Publicly humiliating the child of the person who knows that you had an affair no less. Dave is clearly a horrible idiot and it is difficult for me to muster sympathy for him.

Do you recognize that Dave also has a wife and kids? What about them?

I don't think its on OP or her DH to have to swallow Dave's horrific treatment of them and I don't think they owe the daughter and wife going out of their way to deny themselves an honest response.

I think the DH was over the line. I also think he was probably seeing red after Dave said something seemingly DESIGNED to make him see red. And IMO this is a lot of justification to get around to trying to protect Dave from the consequences of his actions.

Horrific treatment? You exaggerate a bit much.

I mean there have CLEARLY been other incidents! OP's wife has long suspected him of BPD! This is obviously not the first offense.

And I guess you think differently about your kids than I do because if someone called my teenage daughter fat in any way shape or form, let alone in a way clearly designed to mock her in a celebratory moment on my public Facebook page I would lose my ever loving sh*t. I would delete the person's post, unfriend them and excoriate them on text and not blow up their life because I wouldn't want that on MY page but I would lose my mind. And talk an incredible amount of crap about them to everyone who would listen. That is absolutely a horrific thing to do.

And all of that is fine. That would have been the correct way to handle. DH did not do this.

People can go a bit temporarily insane when kids are involved. And what you aren't acknowledging is that Dave poked this bear KNOWING the bear knew all this. KNOWING that this bear could in fact blow up his life. If someone in my life knew I had some life altering affair I would be VERY nice to them.

Everyone knows Dave messed up how many times does it need to be said? But this is NOT the way to handle it. At all. Two wrongs don't make a right.

What if Dave killed someone in a hit and run drunk. And that was what DH blurted out? Why is it that victims of horrible cheating dbags should have the crimes perpetrated against them hidden? I honestly don't get this. It shouldn't have come out like that but if it were me I'd think the guy did me a favor.

DH would be an accessory to murder. So, still a shit human being as he is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of message does it send to your dd that hinting that she’s a bit heavy is such an insult that her dad is going to go nuclear over it?

That is not being a protective papa bear, that is a recipe for an eating disorder.

If even the suggestion that she might be a bit overweight causes dad to fly off the handle, what does it tell the dd about how important her weight is to her father? This is not the win some of you are suggesting it is.

Correct.

Also, your husband humiliated Dave’s wife in public, and that was needlessly cruel. Je is worse than Dave. They are both aggressive and impulsive and terrible role models to their children.

Your husband must apologize to Dave’s wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one guy insults family and fair game is to humiliate the other family?

Who raised you people?

People who don't humiliate other people's kids ...to ad insult, in a very public manner!

And frankly, when you go that low to publicly humiliating someone's kid, all bets are off.

Publicly humiliating the child of the person who knows that you had an affair no less. Dave is clearly a horrible idiot and it is difficult for me to muster sympathy for him.

Do you recognize that Dave also has a wife and kids? What about them?

I don't think its on OP or her DH to have to swallow Dave's horrific treatment of them and I don't think they owe the daughter and wife going out of their way to deny themselves an honest response.

I think the DH was over the line. I also think he was probably seeing red after Dave said something seemingly DESIGNED to make him see red. And IMO this is a lot of justification to get around to trying to protect Dave from the consequences of his actions.

Horrific treatment? You exaggerate a bit much.

I mean there have CLEARLY been other incidents! OP's wife has long suspected him of BPD! This is obviously not the first offense.

And I guess you think differently about your kids than I do because if someone called my teenage daughter fat in any way shape or form, let alone in a way clearly designed to mock her in a celebratory moment on my public Facebook page I would lose my ever loving sh*t. I would delete the person's post, unfriend them and excoriate them on text and not blow up their life because I wouldn't want that on MY page but I would lose my mind. And talk an incredible amount of crap about them to everyone who would listen. That is absolutely a horrific thing to do.

And all of that is fine. That would have been the correct way to handle. DH did not do this.

People can go a bit temporarily insane when kids are involved. And what you aren't acknowledging is that Dave poked this bear KNOWING the bear knew all this. KNOWING that this bear could in fact blow up his life. If someone in my life knew I had some life altering affair I would be VERY nice to them.

But Dave is mentally not all there. Dave’s wife and OP’s daughter are the two victims here.

Notice that it’s always women who suffer. Men go after other men’s wives and daughters, unthinkingly, like they’re objects and property.

Both men are total scum here.

[Anonymous]

The DH over reacted but so what - I still have no sympathy for Dave. And whatever is the fallout to his family - that’s Dave’s responsibility and always was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The DH over reacted but so what - I still have no sympathy for Dave. And whatever is the fallout to his family - that’s Dave’s responsibility and always was.

Would it kill you to acknowledge Daves wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, people. Come on!
Show us the insta or troll.

Troll.

Only the infamous DCUM troll does this much sockpuppeting on their fake troll post for 30 pages..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, people. Come on!
Show us the insta or troll.

Troll.

Only the infamous DCUM troll does this much sockpuppeting on their fake troll post for 30 pages..

Jeff basically confirmed there was no sock puppeting on the blog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, people. Come on!
Show us the insta or troll.

Troll.

Only the infamous DCUM troll does this much sockpuppeting on their fake troll post for 30 pages..

Jeff basically confirmed there was no sock puppeting on the blog.

But OP posted and ran.