Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

Right? Meal prep. And are you cleaning your bathrooms every day? How many packages do you need to return? No one's saying you can't fill up as many hours as you need to fill, but come on.

Yes, I clean my bathrooms every day. Every single day. With three small children they get dirty fast. From reading this thread I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has the same standards. We pick and choose what matters to us, in addition to heavily judging those who have different standards. Men don’t do this to each other. This is why women will always be the second sex. We’re the problem.

Try having your husband tell his friends he cleans five bathrooms every day and see how that goes. You don't think they're going to have anything to say about that, really?

Most men don’t care if their acquaintance has a string of lovers on the side, do you really think they’ll care about him cleaning his bathrooms everyday? Men aren’t in each others business like that.

Really? Have him try it next time he's golfing with his friends. Have him mention it to his boss or clients or whoever. When they they're chatting about what they did over the weekend, he can bring it up. Or have him leave something early and say it's because he's got five bathrooms to clean because, you know, standards. Or just suggest it to him and see how he responds. You implicitly think because you are a woman, your time is less valuable. You think this about other women, your husband thinks this about you, and the men in his life would think much less of him if he spent his time the way you spend yours.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

I don’t think that you are reading this right.
They aren’t saying that they SAH because there is no other way to manage household chores. They are responding to people asking what they do all day, and they say “household chores.”

We are on page 25 There were definitely posters who said that they don't work because there was no other way to manage house and kids (like OP).

+100

One woman literally said she needs five hours a day to work out and shower and go to the spa.

She said that she uses the five hours she has while the kids are at school to work out, shower, clean her house, make dinner for that evening, and run any errands she needs to do.

Why are you making up the spa thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am highly educated and credentialed. Had my kid at age 38. I love domestic things and I'm really good at them, but I see those things as hobbies, as opposed to a vocation. I'm lucky enough to do work that I'd volunteer to do even if I weren't paid. I also married someone who is very into cooking and cleaning, so there was never a question about him not carrying his share of the household load. Also, I'm quite a perfectionist and enjoy being really good at things, including my career. By the time I had my child, I was earning at least 3-4X gross what it would cost to hire a nanny. So, even if I hadn't been married, working would still have made more sense than staying home obsessing over getting the cloth diapers bright white.

The OP was asking about people who had children. Not a single child.
This isn’t directed at you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

So, for a woman who said she has three kids at three different schools, you think she's scrubbing toilets? If so, she's doing something wrong.

I have a 5,000 square foot five bedroom six bathroom house and it gets cleaned once a week by a team of two people in four hours, which is eight total hours of cleaning. Again, if you're spending 14 hours a week cleaning your house, you're doing something wrong.

I'm not going to argue with you because that PP isn't the only who who has protested about how BUSY they are as a SAHM with kids in school. If that's how they feel, fine. But there are plenty of people who don't need that much time to get those things done. So clearly she needs to stay home since she can't figure out another way to do it. That's fine, but own it. Stop trying to justify spending two hours a day chopping vegetables while your kids are at school as a reason why you can't work. No one is buying it. (Except you, I guess).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

So, for a woman who said she has three kids at three different schools, you think she's scrubbing toilets? If so, she's doing something wrong.

I have a 5,000 square foot five bedroom six bathroom house and it gets cleaned once a week by a team of two people in four hours, which is eight total hours of cleaning. Again, if you're spending 14 hours a week cleaning your house, you're doing something wrong.

I'm not going to argue with you because that PP isn't the only who who has protested about how BUSY they are as a SAHM with kids in school. If that's how they feel, fine. But there are plenty of people who don't need that much time to get those things done. So clearly she needs to stay home since she can't figure out another way to do it. That's fine, but own it. Stop trying to justify spending two hours a day chopping vegetables while your kids are at school as a reason why you can't work. No one is buying it. (Except you, I guess).

Literally zero people are saying this.

She doesn’t want to work because she wants to take her kids to and from school and be a present parent in the evenings.

No one asked her what she did when she was busy with her split schedule. They only ask what she does during her down time while the kids are at school.

Do you think that mothers cannot possibly justify having ANY downtime? Even if they use it to exercise and chop vegetables?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I guess you are attacking me and my five hours. I am a high functioning person. I spent most of my life achieving. I have two masters, one from Harvard. I was ambitious and careeer oriented. My entire identity was with my achievements and I did achieve. Then I had children and I hated being at work. I wanted to be with my child. I mommy tracked and had another kid. I had a nanny. I was able to juggle work and kids but I did not feel like I spent enough time with my children. Those years when they were young are gone.

I used to make a lot of money while making money for others. DH also makes a lot of money. He makes a few million per year. While I stopped working before I hit seven figures, I earned high six figures. We don’t need both of us out there earning all this money.

I consider myself retired. I have my own money. I have family money. We have marital assets. The last thing I need to do is go out and get a job just to have a job. I certainly don’t need to get a job to prove to some internet strangers that I can manage my time.

Well at least in all your spare time you can stare at your Ivy League diploma on the wall. That would take up at least an hour or two a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

I don’t think that you are reading this right.
They aren’t saying that they SAH because there is no other way to manage household chores. They are responding to people asking what they do all day, and they say “household chores.”

We are on page 25 There were definitely posters who said that they don't work because there was no other way to manage house and kids (like OP).

+100

One woman literally said she needs five hours a day to work out and shower and go to the spa.

I need that too, I don't get that, but I need it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

Right? Meal prep. And are you cleaning your bathrooms every day? How many packages do you need to return? No one's saying you can't fill up as many hours as you need to fill, but come on.

Yes, I clean my bathrooms every day. Every single day. With three small children they get dirty fast. From reading this thread I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has the same standards. We pick and choose what matters to us, in addition to heavily judging those who have different standards. Men don’t do this to each other. This is why women will always be the second sex. We’re the problem.

Yes but I think you have it wrong. Men don’t clean bathrooms and they don’t judge dirty bathrooms. Women will be the second sex because you think they should clean bathrooms everyday.

+1
I highly doubt many men would notice if his bathroom wasnt cleaned every day. But thank goodness this wife has such high "standards" that cleaning a bathroom 7x a week is more important than working. And apparently a super important part of being a sahp.

My DH notices if something is not clean, especially the bathroom. He is always on me to put my shoes on the rack in the closet instead of in front of the rack - our only disagreements over household chores are small things like this. There are men out there who have high standards of cleanliness and chances are they are married to similar women, and chances are they both work and outsource the cleaning to meet their standards.

[Anonymous]

lol I don't prefer working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I guess you are attacking me and my five hours. I am a high functioning person. I spent most of my life achieving. I have two masters, one from Harvard. I was ambitious and careeer oriented. My entire identity was with my achievements and I did achieve. Then I had children and I hated being at work. I wanted to be with my child. I mommy tracked and had another kid. I had a nanny. I was able to juggle work and kids but I did not feel like I spent enough time with my children. Those years when they were young are gone.

I used to make a lot of money while making money for others. DH also makes a lot of money. He makes a few million per year. While I stopped working before I hit seven figures, I earned high six figures. We don’t need both of us out there earning all this money.

I consider myself retired. I have my own money. I have family money. We have marital assets. The last thing I need to do is go out and get a job just to have a job. I certainly don’t need to get a job to prove to some internet strangers that I can manage my time.

Your husband makes a salary in the millions and you have a degree from Harvard but you can't manage to outsource any household tasks? Uh huh, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I guess you are attacking me and my five hours. I am a high functioning person. I spent most of my life achieving. I have two masters, one from Harvard. I was ambitious and careeer oriented. My entire identity was with my achievements and I did achieve. Then I had children and I hated being at work. I wanted to be with my child. I mommy tracked and had another kid. I had a nanny. I was able to juggle work and kids but I did not feel like I spent enough time with my children. Those years when they were young are gone.

I used to make a lot of money while making money for others. DH also makes a lot of money. He makes a few million per year. While I stopped working before I hit seven figures, I earned high six figures. We don’t need both of us out there earning all this money.

I consider myself retired. I have my own money. I have family money. We have marital assets. The last thing I need to do is go out and get a job just to have a job. I certainly don’t need to get a job to prove to some internet strangers that I can manage my time.

DP
I couldn't get through your post because I was laughing too hard. Are you really trying to convince anonymously that you have 2 masters and a degree from Harvard?!?!? I mean I don't care about your choice to stay home or not, but your post doesn't read Harvard grad. Maybe you should get back out there and sharpen the saw, because you sound dumb and defensive. Alternatively just own where you are and stop defending yourself with lies.

I am not defensive at all. I don’t have to attack other people online.

If you love your work and job, good for you. I personally would rather be home than work. Instead of retiring when I’m old and gray, I can enjoy my life now.

She says "I'm not defensive at all."

She also says "I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

Well, if there were no kids to take care of, I imagine they'd work. It's just that the logistics involved in having kids makes the difference between whether or not it's worth it to work.

And I think you only see laundry lists of the things SAHMs do in response to comments like "I have no idea what SAHMs do all day!" or "SAHMs just sit around all day." I don't think that any SAHM thinks she is actually as busy as a working mom (barring special circumstances), it's just that it's also not a life of leisure like that of a socialite. Nuance, you know?

Are you new here?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

Well, if there were no kids to take care of, I imagine they'd work. It's just that the logistics involved in having kids makes the difference between whether or not it's worth it to work.

And I think you only see laundry lists of the things SAHMs do in response to comments like "I have no idea what SAHMs do all day!" or "SAHMs just sit around all day." I don't think that any SAHM thinks she is actually as busy as a working mom (barring special circumstances), it's just that it's also not a life of leisure like that of a socialite. Nuance, you know?

Are you new here?!?

Ha, no. I meant a SAHM with kids in school, though.