Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I guess you are attacking me and my five hours. I am a high functioning person. I spent most of my life achieving. I have two masters, one from Harvard. I was ambitious and careeer oriented. My entire identity was with my achievements and I did achieve. Then I had children and I hated being at work. I wanted to be with my child. I mommy tracked and had another kid. I had a nanny. I was able to juggle work and kids but I did not feel like I spent enough time with my children. Those years when they were young are gone.

I used to make a lot of money while making money for others. DH also makes a lot of money. He makes a few million per year. While I stopped working before I hit seven figures, I earned high six figures. We don’t need both of us out there earning all this money.

I consider myself retired. I have my own money. I have family money. We have marital assets. The last thing I need to do is go out and get a job just to have a job. I certainly don’t need to get a job to prove to some internet strangers that I can manage my time.

DP
I couldn't get through your post because I was laughing too hard. Are you really trying to convince anonymously that you have 2 masters and a degree from Harvard?!?!? I mean I don't care about your choice to stay home or not, but your post doesn't read Harvard grad. Maybe you should get back out there and sharpen the saw, because you sound dumb and defensive. Alternatively just own where you are and stop defending yourself with lies.

I am not defensive at all. I don’t have to attack other people online.

If you love your work and job, good for you. I personally would rather be home than work. Instead of retiring when I’m old and gray, I can enjoy my life now.

She says "I'm not defensive at all."

She also says "I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left."

Is that being defensive, or is that a description of how she uses her time?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

I don’t think that you are reading this right.
They aren’t saying that they SAH because there is no other way to manage household chores. They are responding to people asking what they do all day, and they say “household chores.”

We are on page 25 There were definitely posters who said that they don't work because there was no other way to manage house and kids (like OP).

+100

One woman literally said she needs five hours a day to work out and shower and go to the spa.

She said that she uses the five hours she has while the kids are at school to work out, shower, clean her house, make dinner for that evening, and run any errands she needs to do.

Why are you making up the spa thing?

"DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week."

Who is making up what?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

Which part are people saying on this website that they wouldn't say in person? How busy their SAHM lives are? How busy they are raising children and keeping house while going to daytime book club and the spa? I guess I would normally think that on an anon website people would be more truthful about how they spend their days. Unless they feel insecure and attacked (which there is definitely some going on), why would they lie, anon, to make their days sound extra busy? Sorry, I'm a bit confused.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I guess you are attacking me and my five hours. I am a high functioning person. I spent most of my life achieving. I have two masters, one from Harvard. I was ambitious and careeer oriented. My entire identity was with my achievements and I did achieve. Then I had children and I hated being at work. I wanted to be with my child. I mommy tracked and had another kid. I had a nanny. I was able to juggle work and kids but I did not feel like I spent enough time with my children. Those years when they were young are gone.

I used to make a lot of money while making money for others. DH also makes a lot of money. He makes a few million per year. While I stopped working before I hit seven figures, I earned high six figures. We don’t need both of us out there earning all this money.

I consider myself retired. I have my own money. I have family money. We have marital assets. The last thing I need to do is go out and get a job just to have a job. I certainly don’t need to get a job to prove to some internet strangers that I can manage my time.

Your husband makes a salary in the millions and you have a degree from Harvard but you can't manage to outsource any household tasks? Uh huh, sure.

You are not thinking about this, pp.

She wants to be at home because she likes being with her children before and after school and on their days off. And when they are at home, she is busy.

When the kids are at school, she uses her down time doing stuff around the house. I’m sure she outsources some of it, but she probably would feel guilty or doesn’t want to outsource all of it.

[Anonymous]

People who went to Harvard love to tell everyone they went to Harvard. Even if theyre using that degree to wipe bonbon dust from their face these days

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

Which part are people saying on this website that they wouldn't say in person? How busy their SAHM lives are? How busy they are raising children and keeping house while going to daytime book club and the spa? I guess I would normally think that on an anon website people would be more truthful about how they spend their days. Unless they feel insecure and attacked (which there is definitely some going on), why would they lie, anon, to make their days sound extra busy? Sorry, I'm a bit confused.

I posted about going to daytime book club.
I didn’t say I was SO BUSY. I said that I do the same things that I did during the day when my youngest was still at home.

I can’t really work that much during the day because my oldest has SN and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave work. I work part time and typically work overnights and evenings.

I have been working day shift the last few days, and I did run out of milk and bread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Their husbands aren’t checked out of family life the same way it sounds like your husband is. So they have more help.

This is not universal, of course. DH is very involved and does as much as anyone around the house. But, my career left ME with no time to help around the house or be as involved with my kids as I wanted to be. We could afford to hire it all out, but it turned out that that wasn't the life I wanted after all. So for me, it was the nature of my career that caused me to make a different choice for myself and my family. I'm happier, they are happier, and DH is just as involved as he ever was. The difference it that now I am too. When I stepped back, I was earning more, but DH made more then enough, so we lost some gravy, but were still in the 5%. Now he makes way more than the two of us used to make combined. When the kids started to take up less time, I became involved in philanthropy and volunteer work for causes that are important to me.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

I used to be a working mom of two little boys. I once spoke to a friend who is always asking theoretical questions and is a wannabe therapist. I’m not sure how the topic even came up but I said I hoped that my sons would marry smart pretty nice girls but hopes the wives would stay home with my future grandchildren. I wouldn’t want a nanny. She asked why I didn’t do the same and it made me wonder why. We had a wonderful nanny who was good with infants and toddlers but she wasn’t an enriching type of nanny. I was interviewing well educated nannies and decided I wanted the job. I ended up having another child and have stayed home since.

Why would any self-respecting woman become a trophy wife to your sons?

Why would any self-respecting woman become a corporate cog?

Because then she can stand on her own two feet. (You really think this is some kind of gotcha? You stay home because your husband is a corporate cog).

Maybe she has tons and tons of family money and fulfills herself with exciting volunteer work? Or maybe she writes successful romance novels on the side?

Why do you care so much about somebody who isn’t requiring anything from you? I get being angry about welfare recipients, but as long as you’re not asking me to foot the bill, I couldn’t care less what you do.

This level of contempt for a stranger’s choices that have no effect on you, leads me to the conclusion that you are very, very jealous.

Most of the time it's not family money, it's husband's money and the difference between that and being a welfare recipent is a failed marriage.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

I don’t think that you are reading this right.
They aren’t saying that they SAH because there is no other way to manage household chores. They are responding to people asking what they do all day, and they say “household chores.”

We are on page 25 There were definitely posters who said that they don't work because there was no other way to manage house and kids (like OP).

+100

One woman literally said she needs five hours a day to work out and shower and go to the spa.

She said that she uses the five hours she has while the kids are at school to work out, shower, clean her house, make dinner for that evening, and run any errands she needs to do.

Why are you making up the spa thing?

"DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week."

Who is making up what?

You are.
I don’t see anywhere that she says that she needs to go to the spa or that this is a reason she is a SAHM.

It seems to me that she is a SAHM because she wants to take her kids to school and pick them up and be with them in the evenings. And it seems to me that she is fairly productive in her downtime.

So what if she goes to the spa or has lunch with a friend once a week? A lot of people do this.

[Anonymous]

We are older, late 40s with a teen and a tween. It wasn’t always this way when we first had babies in early 30s. It would’ve been theoretically possible for me to stay home but it would’ve been a lot of financial strain on us.

We made it work, I cut down to four days a week, and DH had a super short commute with great daycare in the office. We also had nearby grandparents, which was a lifesaver.

As the kids got older, we both started making more. By the time they were both in elementary school, his career really took off and it would have definitely made sense for me to quit if we had wanted it, but by then I was making such good money and had really great hybrid work options well before the pandemic.

I had a job that let me work from home 2 to 3 days a week and was very flexible and high pay. It just seemed easier for me to keep working.

Now, DH is making even more money, but so am I, and I work almost exclusively from home with one kid at m middle and one kid in high school. DH also only goes in like three days a week and has a lot of flexibility. at this point, it seems like we can just have a really great retirement and not have to worry about paying for both kids to go to whatever college they want and so there doesn’t seem to be any compelling reason for me to quit. It also helps that I like my job. I’m not going to say I love it, but I do like it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

I used to be a working mom of two little boys. I once spoke to a friend who is always asking theoretical questions and is a wannabe therapist. I’m not sure how the topic even came up but I said I hoped that my sons would marry smart pretty nice girls but hopes the wives would stay home with my future grandchildren. I wouldn’t want a nanny. She asked why I didn’t do the same and it made me wonder why. We had a wonderful nanny who was good with infants and toddlers but she wasn’t an enriching type of nanny. I was interviewing well educated nannies and decided I wanted the job. I ended up having another child and have stayed home since.

Why would any self-respecting woman become a trophy wife to your sons?

Why would any self-respecting woman become a corporate cog?

Because then she can stand on her own two feet. (You really think this is some kind of gotcha? You stay home because your husband is a corporate cog).

Maybe she has tons and tons of family money and fulfills herself with exciting volunteer work? Or maybe she writes successful romance novels on the side?

Why do you care so much about somebody who isn’t requiring anything from you? I get being angry about welfare recipients, but as long as you’re not asking me to foot the bill, I couldn’t care less what you do.

This level of contempt for a stranger’s choices that have no effect on you, leads me to the conclusion that you are very, very jealous.

Most of the time it's not family money, it's husband's money and the difference between that and being a welfare recipent is a failed marriage.

I don't think that's usually true on DCUM, but anyway, is that a reason to care so much about what someone else is doing, much less have contempt for their decisions? - DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?