Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

Right? Meal prep. And are you cleaning your bathrooms every day? How many packages do you need to return? No one's saying you can't fill up as many hours as you need to fill, but come on.

Yes, I clean my bathrooms every day. Every single day. With three small children they get dirty fast. From reading this thread I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has the same standards. We pick and choose what matters to us, in addition to heavily judging those who have different standards. Men don’t do this to each other. This is why women will always be the second sex. We’re the problem.

Try having your husband tell his friends he cleans five bathrooms every day and see how that goes. You don't think they're going to have anything to say about that, really?

Most men don’t care if their acquaintance has a string of lovers on the side, do you really think they’ll care about him cleaning his bathrooms everyday? Men aren’t in each others business like that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

Right? Meal prep. And are you cleaning your bathrooms every day? How many packages do you need to return? No one's saying you can't fill up as many hours as you need to fill, but come on.

Yes, I clean my bathrooms every day. Every single day. With three small children they get dirty fast. From reading this thread I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has the same standards. We pick and choose what matters to us, in addition to heavily judging those who have different standards. Men don’t do this to each other. This is why women will always be the second sex. We’re the problem.

No one is responding negatively to you saying "yeah, I have leisure time and it's great." Own that if you want to own it. It's the elaborate justifications of how surely women with jobs have messy hair and messy houses, and also how their jobs aren't actually important.

Very, very few jobs are important. Most people work to make money so that they can live. I have known only a handful of people who are passionate about their work. Consider yourself very lucky if you are one of those lucky few who loves her job. I would quit mine in a heartbeat if I could.

I saw one poster raking in 500k+ and another with good hours working as a children's librarian. Those two jobs I would hang onto for dear life, others I'd take a pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

Right? Meal prep. And are you cleaning your bathrooms every day? How many packages do you need to return? No one's saying you can't fill up as many hours as you need to fill, but come on.

Yes, I clean my bathrooms every day. Every single day. With three small children they get dirty fast. From reading this thread I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has the same standards. We pick and choose what matters to us, in addition to heavily judging those who have different standards. Men don’t do this to each other. This is why women will always be the second sex. We’re the problem.

No one is responding negatively to you saying "yeah, I have leisure time and it's great." Own that if you want to own it. It's the elaborate justifications of how surely women with jobs have messy hair and messy houses, and also how their jobs aren't actually important.

Very, very few jobs are important. Most people work to make money so that they can live. I have known only a handful of people who are passionate about their work. Consider yourself very lucky if you are one of those lucky few who loves her job. I would quit mine in a heartbeat if I could.

As a former SAHM who works part time and not for the money, I don’t do it because the job is “important” or is my “passion.” I do it because I enjoy the companionship during the day, the adult conversation and the structure to my day. I used to get all of that from other SAHMs and my children’s activities before they were school-aged, but none of my friends still SAHM and the people I know who don’t work, I dislike. I only work school days (at a school) so it works well for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

Well, if there were no kids to take care of, I imagine they'd work. It's just that the logistics involved in having kids makes the difference between whether or not it's worth it to work.

And I think you only see laundry lists of the things SAHMs do in response to comments like "I have no idea what SAHMs do all day!" or "SAHMs just sit around all day." I don't think that any SAHM thinks she is actually as busy as a working mom (barring special circumstances), it's just that it's also not a life of leisure like that of a socialite. Nuance, you know?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

Right? Meal prep. And are you cleaning your bathrooms every day? How many packages do you need to return? No one's saying you can't fill up as many hours as you need to fill, but come on.

Yes, I clean my bathrooms every day. Every single day. With three small children they get dirty fast. From reading this thread I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has the same standards. We pick and choose what matters to us, in addition to heavily judging those who have different standards. Men don’t do this to each other. This is why women will always be the second sex. We’re the problem.

Yes but I think you have it wrong. Men don’t clean bathrooms and they don’t judge dirty bathrooms. Women will be the second sex because you think they should clean bathrooms everyday.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

Some folks were very offended by comments on management skills and that we are all different. At this point this thread is a dumpster fire, so I will just type without worrying about smoothing out my language. I am a woman with a stressful job. The idea of running out of milk/bread and clean clothes is unfathomable to me. So when evite lady talks about how working moms miss important details, I’m puzzled because you are defending not having a career kind of job and cannot seem to get an actual dinner on the table. That seems like an important detail to me.

Okay.
If you have never run out of milk, then you are more organized than I am.

I mean, I did work 10 hours yesterday, and I did feed my family and take the kids to scouts and ballet and piano and help with homework. I’m not a total schlub.

Did you not think to look in the fridge on Saturday or Sunday, knowing you would have limited bandwidth on Monday? That’s what I mean by organizational skills. What I just said is so completely basic. Like the pre-k of organizational skills.

+1
PPs brain has turned to mush. She really needed to be around adults more if she cannot manage to get groceries AND feed the family without the imposition of work on top of that. Some people shouldn't have children - she is probably one of them.

Whatever. I had the day off today and my house is now fully stocked with groceries.

Tomorrow, my husband will be home late morning, and I will probably hang out with him most of the afternoon.

I like my life. I feel like I have stuff to do most of the time, but I’m not overwhelmed or exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

Well, if there were no kids to take care of, I imagine they'd work. It's just that the logistics involved in having kids makes the difference between whether or not it's worth it to work.

And I think you only see laundry lists of the things SAHMs do in response to comments like "I have no idea what SAHMs do all day!" or "SAHMs just sit around all day." I don't think that any SAHM thinks she is actually as busy as a working mom (barring special circumstances), it's just that it's also not a life of leisure like that of a socialite. Nuance, you know?

I agree.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

Right? Meal prep. And are you cleaning your bathrooms every day? How many packages do you need to return? No one's saying you can't fill up as many hours as you need to fill, but come on.

Yes, I clean my bathrooms every day. Every single day. With three small children they get dirty fast. From reading this thread I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has the same standards. We pick and choose what matters to us, in addition to heavily judging those who have different standards. Men don’t do this to each other. This is why women will always be the second sex. We’re the problem.

Yes but I think you have it wrong. Men don’t clean bathrooms and they don’t judge dirty bathrooms. Women will be the second sex because you think they should clean bathrooms everyday.

+1
I highly doubt many men would notice if his bathroom wasnt cleaned every day. But thank goodness this wife has such high "standards" that cleaning a bathroom 7x a week is more important than working. And apparently a super important part of being a sahp.

[Anonymous]

No one on this board is in a position to judge whether or not my decision to work or not work is justified.

period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

I don’t think that you are reading this right.
They aren’t saying that they SAH because there is no other way to manage household chores. They are responding to people asking what they do all day, and they say “household chores.”

We are on page 25 There were definitely posters who said that they don't work because there was no other way to manage house and kids (like OP).

+100

One woman literally said she needs five hours a day to work out and shower and go to the spa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I posted about going to book club whether my child is with me or not. I didn’t say that I was “so busy.” Literally no one says this.

[Anonymous]

I am highly educated and credentialed. Had my kid at age 38. I love domestic things and I'm really good at them, but I see those things as hobbies, as opposed to a vocation. I'm lucky enough to do work that I'd volunteer to do even if I weren't paid. I also married someone who is very into cooking and cleaning, so there was never a question about him not carrying his share of the household load. Also, I'm quite a perfectionist and enjoy being really good at things, including my career. By the time I had my child, I was earning at least 3-4X gross what it would cost to hire a nanny. So, even if I hadn't been married, working would still have made more sense than staying home obsessing over getting the cloth diapers bright white.