Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious. You sound like someone on 90 Day Fiancé

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how the OP is conveniently avoiding talking about her sockpuppeting. She has no credibility, and to be perfectly honest, comes off as incredibly stupid, and posting to simply create more waves (she couldn’t tell DH’s twin sisters apart? Couldn’t tell that the maid was not a member of the family? WTF?).

Op here. I had to look up sockpuppet because I am unfamiliar with what that means in online forums. I may not have included I am the OP sometimes when I answer questions, but I haven't been saying I am Indian or Bangladeshi or identifying myself as a completely different person. I have two young kids and have been posting while being very distracted. I don't post or read this forum often. I found it five or so years ago when we were looking for a PT nanny. I came back for advice before this trip. There aren't as many Bangladeshi communities in the US as Indians, so it's hard to get basic details. Most of DH's family doesn't speak English, and none of his family lives in the US. I have been shocked and saddened by how condescending and disrespectful people are on this forum.

For people who are supposed to be highly educated, I am surprised they can't come up with an informed, intelligent, and sensible response. This is one of the things I love about Bangladesh. People do not seem mean-spirited at all. It doesn't make them feel good to put others down. They aren't spending their time looking for trouble online or obsessively looking at Facebook selfies of themselves. I think I will join them and live my life offline as much as possible because people say and do strange things when no one is around. Bangladesh may be underdeveloped in many ways, but they seem to have the happiness thing down, and I think it's because they understand a very fundamental thing, i.e., not to put others down. Isn't that all what we are seeking anyway? This is a huge difference my husband has tried to make me understand. According to him, Bangladeshi people are more humble and simple, and I don't think they sit around gossiping about others, putting people down. I see that with my sisters-in-law. It's not in their culture to do that. They try to think the best about others.

And for the people interested in Aarong, please know they ship to the US, and shipping is free if you spend more than $120. They have some really neat t-shirts and sweaters for kids, and the quality is really good!! They have spunky looks and also lots of polos that are preppy. You could have an entire wardrobe for your kids, probably minus maybe jeans and shorts for less than $100. Their collared shirts are also really fun... I love the prints for boys!! I don't have girls, but I am sure their clothing is also nice. I am referring to Western clothes for kids, but the website has both.

Oh come on now! You got called out by Jeff for sockpuppeting!

"However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work." ...

"Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection."

You have posted over 60 times in a 24 hour period! Often pretending to be someone supportive of your whining. And you had to look up sockpuppeting, huh?

I am NOT OP but it makes sense if she’s bored out of her mind and can’t speak the language why she’s posting 60x a day here and even apparently befriending herself via third person posts. Isolation will do that to people

She will have to explain that very strong Wi-Fi or 5G connection though. Are they heating the water because of pathogens or because there’s no electricity/ water heater for hot water?

No doubt the family hates her probably because she is isolating herself and typing on her phone or laptop all day . I bet the younger kids do speak English. Kids all around the world learn English in primary school these days. They just don’t want to talk to her. They would definitely welcome her and show her American food spots to make her comfortable if they liked her . They also Pocket watch her husband heavily and certainly guilt him for over spending on his spoiled, cold, and rude American wife. They think she’s an ice queen for not smiling or having tea or hanging with them or even trying to learn one or two phrases in their language just as a kind gesture /greeting. There’s a way you have to be in intercultural relationships . Transactional is the word. The family and her don’t have that bond. They won’t make her comfortable by speaking some English or showing her American esque spots because she doesn’t make them comfortable .

Husband doesn’t want to upset his wife so he doesn’t tell her the family doesn’t like her . Hopefully, they aren’t arranging him to marry another local wife . I’ve seen it happen before

[Anonymous]

Bangladesh was a British colony and English is spoken by many and at the very least understood by the vast majority there. They probably overheard OP say some not very nice things and to be passive aggressive are making life hell for her. Her husband needs to stand up to his family and defend his wife

[Anonymous]

Jesus, I can’t believe how mean people are being on this thread. And Jeff’s coverage of it just made it worse. It’s really unpleasant and definitely not Jeff’s best foot forward when he does that.
Whenever I see these nasty threads I really question why I frequent this site. I need a better way to waste time that is not so mean spirited.
Op, I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how the OP is conveniently avoiding talking about her sockpuppeting. She has no credibility, and to be perfectly honest, comes off as incredibly stupid, and posting to simply create more waves (she couldn’t tell DH’s twin sisters apart? Couldn’t tell that the maid was not a member of the family? WTF?).

Op here. I had to look up sockpuppet because I am unfamiliar with what that means in online forums. I may not have included I am the OP sometimes when I answer questions, but I haven't been saying I am Indian or Bangladeshi or identifying myself as a completely different person. I have two young kids and have been posting while being very distracted. I don't post or read this forum often. I found it five or so years ago when we were looking for a PT nanny. I came back for advice before this trip. There aren't as many Bangladeshi communities in the US as Indians, so it's hard to get basic details. Most of DH's family doesn't speak English, and none of his family lives in the US. I have been shocked and saddened by how condescending and disrespectful people are on this forum.

For people who are supposed to be highly educated, I am surprised they can't come up with an informed, intelligent, and sensible response. This is one of the things I love about Bangladesh. People do not seem mean-spirited at all. It doesn't make them feel good to put others down. They aren't spending their time looking for trouble online or obsessively looking at Facebook selfies of themselves. I think I will join them and live my life offline as much as possible because people say and do strange things when no one is around. Bangladesh may be underdeveloped in many ways, but they seem to have the happiness thing down, and I think it's because they understand a very fundamental thing, i.e., not to put others down. Isn't that all what we are seeking anyway? This is a huge difference my husband has tried to make me understand. According to him, Bangladeshi people are more humble and simple, and I don't think they sit around gossiping about others, putting people down. I see that with my sisters-in-law. It's not in their culture to do that. They try to think the best about others.

And for the people interested in Aarong, please know they ship to the US, and shipping is free if you spend more than $120. They have some really neat t-shirts and sweaters for kids, and the quality is really good!! They have spunky looks and also lots of polos that are preppy. You could have an entire wardrobe for your kids, probably minus maybe jeans and shorts for less than $100. Their collared shirts are also really fun... I love the prints for boys!! I don't have girls, but I am sure their clothing is also nice. I am referring to Western clothes for kids, but the website has both.

Oh come on now! You got called out by Jeff for sockpuppeting!

"However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work." ...

"Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection."

You have posted over 60 times in a 24 hour period! Often pretending to be someone supportive of your whining. And you had to look up sockpuppeting, huh?

I am NOT OP but it makes sense if she’s bored out of her mind and can’t speak the language why she’s posting 60x a day here and even apparently befriending herself via third person posts. Isolation will do that to people

She will have to explain that very strong Wi-Fi or 5G connection though. Are they heating the water because of pathogens or because there’s no electricity/ water heater for hot water?

No doubt the family hates her probably because she is isolating herself and typing on her phone or laptop all day . I bet the younger kids do speak English. Kids all around the world learn English in primary school these days. They just don’t want to talk to her. They would definitely welcome her and show her American food spots to make her comfortable if they liked her . They also Pocket watch her husband heavily and certainly guilt him for over spending on his spoiled, cold, and rude American wife. They think she’s an ice queen for not smiling or having tea or hanging with them or even trying to learn one or two phrases in their language just as a kind gesture /greeting. There’s a way you have to be in intercultural relationships . Transactional is the word. The family and her don’t have that bond. They won’t make her comfortable by speaking some English or showing her American esque spots because she doesn’t make them comfortable .

Husband doesn’t want to upset his wife so he doesn’t tell her the family doesn’t like her . Hopefully, they aren’t arranging him to marry another local wife . I’ve seen it happen before

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how the OP is conveniently avoiding talking about her sockpuppeting. She has no credibility, and to be perfectly honest, comes off as incredibly stupid, and posting to simply create more waves (she couldn’t tell DH’s twin sisters apart? Couldn’t tell that the maid was not a member of the family? WTF?).

Op here. I had to look up sockpuppet because I am unfamiliar with what that means in online forums. I may not have included I am the OP sometimes when I answer questions, but I haven't been saying I am Indian or Bangladeshi or identifying myself as a completely different person. I have two young kids and have been posting while being very distracted. I don't post or read this forum often. I found it five or so years ago when we were looking for a PT nanny. I came back for advice before this trip. There aren't as many Bangladeshi communities in the US as Indians, so it's hard to get basic details. Most of DH's family doesn't speak English, and none of his family lives in the US. I have been shocked and saddened by how condescending and disrespectful people are on this forum.

For people who are supposed to be highly educated, I am surprised they can't come up with an informed, intelligent, and sensible response. This is one of the things I love about Bangladesh. People do not seem mean-spirited at all. It doesn't make them feel good to put others down. They aren't spending their time looking for trouble online or obsessively looking at Facebook selfies of themselves. I think I will join them and live my life offline as much as possible because people say and do strange things when no one is around. Bangladesh may be underdeveloped in many ways, but they seem to have the happiness thing down, and I think it's because they understand a very fundamental thing, i.e., not to put others down. Isn't that all what we are seeking anyway? This is a huge difference my husband has tried to make me understand. According to him, Bangladeshi people are more humble and simple, and I don't think they sit around gossiping about others, putting people down. I see that with my sisters-in-law. It's not in their culture to do that. They try to think the best about others.

And for the people interested in Aarong, please know they ship to the US, and shipping is free if you spend more than $120. They have some really neat t-shirts and sweaters for kids, and the quality is really good!! They have spunky looks and also lots of polos that are preppy. You could have an entire wardrobe for your kids, probably minus maybe jeans and shorts for less than $100. Their collared shirts are also really fun... I love the prints for boys!! I don't have girls, but I am sure their clothing is also nice. I am referring to Western clothes for kids, but the website has both.

Oh come on now! You got called out by Jeff for sockpuppeting!

"However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work." ...

"Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection."

You have posted over 60 times in a 24 hour period! Often pretending to be someone supportive of your whining. And you had to look up sockpuppeting, huh?

I am NOT OP but it makes sense if she’s bored out of her mind and can’t speak the language why she’s posting 60x a day here and even apparently befriending herself via third person posts. Isolation will do that to people

She will have to explain that very strong Wi-Fi or 5G connection though. Are they heating the water because of pathogens or because there’s no electricity/ water heater for hot water?

No doubt the family hates her probably because she is isolating herself and typing on her phone or laptop all day . I bet the younger kids do speak English. Kids all around the world learn English in primary school these days. They just don’t want to talk to her. They would definitely welcome her and show her American food spots to make her comfortable if they liked her . They also Pocket watch her husband heavily and certainly guilt him for over spending on his spoiled, cold, and rude American wife. They think she’s an ice queen for not smiling or having tea or hanging with them or even trying to learn one or two phrases in their language just as a kind gesture /greeting. There’s a way you have to be in intercultural relationships . Transactional is the word. The family and her don’t have that bond. They won’t make her comfortable by speaking some English or showing her American esque spots because she doesn’t make them comfortable .

Husband doesn’t want to upset his wife so he doesn’t tell her the family doesn’t like her . Hopefully, they aren’t arranging him to marry another local wife . I’ve seen it happen before

Op here. You know absolutely nothing about the family dynamic. It's as if you're accusing me of lying. Your situation in India doesn't equal mine. Very few people in his family speak English. There isn't some kind of conspiracy against me. Even though my sister in law barely speaks English I feel close to her. We do video chat when we are in the US. On the last trip, she was crying as I was leaving because she said she would miss me. My husband's family isn't sitting around drinking tea or doing other stuff while there are a ton of servants. Their lifestyle seems modest. Right now dh took the kids out to ride rickshaws and visit their family garden. I think they own several small garden farms and they check on them every day. They sell vegetables at the market or someone else buys them wholesale from them. I am very bored here but I am not miserable or anything. There's just not much to do. Right now only thing I could be doing is being outside with sister in law watching her cook. I also have to work PT from home while I am here. The internet is fast but at night for about an hour the government shuts off the electricity to save energy and they don't officially announce when that will happen. I have a few Zoom meetings coming up next week so I am hoping the internet will be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how the OP is conveniently avoiding talking about her sockpuppeting. She has no credibility, and to be perfectly honest, comes off as incredibly stupid, and posting to simply create more waves (she couldn’t tell DH’s twin sisters apart? Couldn’t tell that the maid was not a member of the family? WTF?).

Op here. I had to look up sockpuppet because I am unfamiliar with what that means in online forums. I may not have included I am the OP sometimes when I answer questions, but I haven't been saying I am Indian or Bangladeshi or identifying myself as a completely different person. I have two young kids and have been posting while being very distracted. I don't post or read this forum often. I found it five or so years ago when we were looking for a PT nanny. I came back for advice before this trip. There aren't as many Bangladeshi communities in the US as Indians, so it's hard to get basic details. Most of DH's family doesn't speak English, and none of his family lives in the US. I have been shocked and saddened by how condescending and disrespectful people are on this forum.

For people who are supposed to be highly educated, I am surprised they can't come up with an informed, intelligent, and sensible response. This is one of the things I love about Bangladesh. People do not seem mean-spirited at all. It doesn't make them feel good to put others down. They aren't spending their time looking for trouble online or obsessively looking at Facebook selfies of themselves. I think I will join them and live my life offline as much as possible because people say and do strange things when no one is around. Bangladesh may be underdeveloped in many ways, but they seem to have the happiness thing down, and I think it's because they understand a very fundamental thing, i.e., not to put others down. Isn't that all what we are seeking anyway? This is a huge difference my husband has tried to make me understand. According to him, Bangladeshi people are more humble and simple, and I don't think they sit around gossiping about others, putting people down. I see that with my sisters-in-law. It's not in their culture to do that. They try to think the best about others.

And for the people interested in Aarong, please know they ship to the US, and shipping is free if you spend more than $120. They have some really neat t-shirts and sweaters for kids, and the quality is really good!! They have spunky looks and also lots of polos that are preppy. You could have an entire wardrobe for your kids, probably minus maybe jeans and shorts for less than $100. Their collared shirts are also really fun... I love the prints for boys!! I don't have girls, but I am sure their clothing is also nice. I am referring to Western clothes for kids, but the website has both.

Oh come on now! You got called out by Jeff for sockpuppeting!

"However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work." ...

"Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection."

You have posted over 60 times in a 24 hour period! Often pretending to be someone supportive of your whining. And you had to look up sockpuppeting, huh?

I am NOT OP but it makes sense if she’s bored out of her mind and can’t speak the language why she’s posting 60x a day here and even apparently befriending herself via third person posts. Isolation will do that to people

She will have to explain that very strong Wi-Fi or 5G connection though. Are they heating the water because of pathogens or because there’s no electricity/ water heater for hot water?

No doubt the family hates her probably because she is isolating herself and typing on her phone or laptop all day . I bet the younger kids do speak English. Kids all around the world learn English in primary school these days. They just don’t want to talk to her. They would definitely welcome her and show her American food spots to make her comfortable if they liked her . They also Pocket watch her husband heavily and certainly guilt him for over spending on his spoiled, cold, and rude American wife. They think she’s an ice queen for not smiling or having tea or hanging with them or even trying to learn one or two phrases in their language just as a kind gesture /greeting. There’s a way you have to be in intercultural relationships . Transactional is the word. The family and her don’t have that bond. They won’t make her comfortable by speaking some English or showing her American esque spots because she doesn’t make them comfortable .

Husband doesn’t want to upset his wife so he doesn’t tell her the family doesn’t like her . Hopefully, they aren’t arranging him to marry another local wife . I’ve seen it happen before

Op here. You know absolutely nothing about the family dynamic. It's as if you're accusing me of lying. Your situation in India doesn't equal mine. Very few people in his family speak English. There isn't some kind of conspiracy against me. Even though my sister in law barely speaks English I feel close to her. We do video chat when we are in the US. On the last trip, she was crying as I was leaving because she said she would miss me. My husband's family isn't sitting around drinking tea or doing other stuff while there are a ton of servants. Their lifestyle seems modest. Right now dh took the kids out to ride rickshaws and visit their family garden. I think they own several small garden farms and they check on them every day. They sell vegetables at the market or someone else buys them wholesale from them. I am very bored here but I am not miserable or anything. There's just not much to do. Right now only thing I could be doing is being outside with sister in law watching her cook. I also have to work PT from home while I am here. The internet is fast but at night for about an hour the government shuts off the electricity to save energy and they don't officially announce when that will happen. I have a few Zoom meetings coming up next week so I am hoping the internet will be okay.

Op here. Just to be clear the sister in law I am referring to is married to DHs brother who is a year older than DH so I think she was genuinely sad and not missing her husbands brother (my dh) but me. His family just doesn't do stuff we think as typical restaurants, sports etc. I actually insist on going shopping and treating them to gifts. I spent a lot of money on gifts for them. I try my best to give them a break and take them out so they can enjoy time without the kids. I am very polite with his family. His mom smiles at me a lot and pats my head lol I use Google Translate to communicate with her. I do know some Bengali. I don't think they hate me but you never know. I can only be myself and be polite and that's the best I can do. There are things about this culture I will never know and DH has told me not to learn too much Bengali. Yesterday his mom still had my photos from when DH and I were dating. She has very few photos but kept them. If the hated me I would assume those photos would have been burned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She will have to explain that very strong Wi-Fi or 5G connection though.

This is how a lot of developing countries were able to leap ahead. It's a lot easier to throw up some towers in the hills then run phone lines down every street and to every house. A lot of countries like this have better mobile internet than we have in the US, because that's their only internet. No Verizon FIOS lines.

[Anonymous]

OP, you had me curious about the places you mentioned so I checked youtube.

Aarong looks like any retail store you would find in India. It looks similar to one in my village. Serene Gardens looks okay. Not the best, but for that place I bet it is.

If anyone else was curious, here it is:

Aarong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA7rXXJ45fc

Serene Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7eOBoIruW0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She will have to explain that very strong Wi-Fi or 5G connection though.

This is how a lot of developing countries were able to leap ahead. It's a lot easier to throw up some towers in the hills then run phone lines down every street and to every house. A lot of countries like this have better mobile internet than we have in the US, because that's their only internet. No Verizon FIOS lines.

Agree with this. In 3rd world countries, if you pay enough money to the government you could up cell towers wherever you want.

[Anonymous]

OP, is this you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xh0PfTwu_EM

[Anonymous]

Op use this time to chat with your MIL even via google translate. Ask about your DH and how he was growing up. Ask about MIL’s life, her parents etc. It’s good family history to know and you’ll learn a lot about DH but also bc south Asian elders love when people actually talk TO them, ask ABOUT them. So often mothers in those cultures are just seen as cooking machines there to take care of everyone else that I’ve seen them be really touched when an in-law - esp a cultural outsider - takes an interest in them.

Also at some point go with your DH to the family vegetable farm and go see where/how they sell wholesale. Why not? It’s an experience.

How many days left? Are you just starting your trip or halfway thru etc?

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you're for real. Sorry you're going through this. I hope it's over soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you had me curious about the places you mentioned so I checked youtube.

Aarong looks like any retail store you would find in India. It looks similar to one in my village. Serene Gardens looks okay. Not the best, but for that place I bet it is.

If anyone else was curious, here it is:

Aarong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA7rXXJ45fc

Serene Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7eOBoIruW0

Op here but it was only recently built here and there aren't any other shops that look this modern. There aren't any other restaurants like Serene Garden around. Those are considered fancy places and they only go there occasionally. My MIl has probably only been one time. I would love to go there again to have coffee but they just aren't interested in going. I'm going to post pictures of those house. It's surrounded by concrete walls. It feels sort of like a prison compared to US living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you had me curious about the places you mentioned so I checked youtube.

Aarong looks like any retail store you would find in India. It looks similar to one in my village. Serene Gardens looks okay. Not the best, but for that place I bet it is.

If anyone else was curious, here it is:

Aarong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA7rXXJ45fc

Serene Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7eOBoIruW0

Op here but it was only recently built here and there aren't any other shops that look this modern. There aren't any other restaurants like Serene Garden around. Those are considered fancy places and they only go there occasionally. My MIl has probably only been one time. I would love to go there again to have coffee but they just aren't interested in going. I'm going to post pictures of those house. It's surrounded by concrete walls. It feels sort of like a prison compared to US living.

https://ibb.co/KsKHjtJ
https://ibb.co/NtxW994
https://ibb.co/j8XjFWh
https://ibb.co/jw4g775

Op here. The green house is around 6-7 years old. The other one is DHs family house... Where he grew up and stayed before coming to the US. For US standards it seems very bad but the poor people here live in Bamboo houses. Dh clarified today that they do indeed only pay the cleaning who does the dishes and cleans the floor $7 a month. There aren't any servants making anyone tea. No one has drank any tea while I am here. I will post a picture of where the dishes are done and a picture of my MILs room. We sleep with a mosquito net. I will also show a picture of the door and how it's very different from US standards. It lets air in even when closed. I can't be certain but I feel like Bangladesh is an ancient version on India.. Maybe India like 20 years ago?