MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP your responses make it clear how you feel about your MIL. Ask yourself would you be as bitter if it were your own mother? It's a long time you'll have this woman in your life, if you're lucky, so you'd better lose your attitude now if you want your child to have a relationship with her. (And no, I'm not a mother in law, but a mother who couldn't stand her own mother in law.)

My mom listens when I speak and respects my decisions. So there's that. That's what I am bothered by: we communicated before and during the trip. When someone doesn't listen to you or doesn't respect your decisions, it is irritating and hurtful.

I'm not "bitter," I am annoyed and hurt. DH felt the same way--"Why won't she listen?"

I think I'll take the PP's suggestion that we will only stay in a hotel when we visit them, and suggest they stay in a hotel if they don't want to risk hearing a little disturbance until baby is 100% STTN even on travel.

You really don't get it, do you?

You keep saying that she did not respect your decision... BUT you only get to decide what YOU do, not what other adults do.

She did not try to stop what you wanted to do with your baby. But you are mad because you could not stop what she did with her son/grandchild.

I predict that you will eventually driven a wedge between your husband and his mom.

Are you insane? No one gets do ANYTHING with my kids that I do not approve of.

+2. Plus, even if MIL was "allowed to" get up and being a pain, she should not have done so. She did not respect boundaries. That is not acceptable.

Without knowing more context it's hard to answer the WWYD question. Does MIL always do things like this? If so, how do you normally handle this? IF this is new, wouldn't you want to know more about what happened in this particular case? If this is a one off, flying off the handle seems a little over the top. The MIL didn't do anything to the kid at all. This is all about OP not knowing how to handle her annoyance. This has nothing to do with the baby.

Here’s the context: the MIL’s son and daughter-in-law are grown-ass adults who:
1) Offered to stay in a hotel, making it clear there were still night feedings for a 4yo—ILs said no, stay with us
2) OP and her husband told MIL/FIL before the trip even occurred that they would of course handle the night feeding
3) OP and her husband told her MIL every night for several nights—and during the day on the second day—to just leave them alone to handle it at night.

That’s the “context.” There’s nothing that justifies ignoring parents when it comes to their own child. And it by definition wasn’t a “one off” after the first night—do you get that? Do you get that several nights of telling MIL to lower her voice and leave them to it makes it inherently, be definition not a “one off”?

Welp, MIL’s prize for ignoring and disrespecting her son and DIL is that baby will no longer be staying with them.

You didn't answer the question nitwit. Has THIS MIL done this before? If you're not OP you can't answer that.

Yes, she’s “done it before,” in that it happened more than once.

The second time you ever had a glass of wine, even if it was 10 minutes after your first, you’d “done it before.”

So let’s say the first time MIL did this was on a Monday night, and then she did it again on Tuesday, she’d “done it before” by Tuesday.

Ok, Not OP, I'm not really interested in your take on what this MIL you have never met before has done or not done. If OP doesn't answer the questions, then this thread is at a dead end.

This is hilarious. It is literally in the original post that the MIL got up/loudly asked what was going on the first night: and the second night: and the third night: and the fourth night. So by definition of “doing something before,” she had…done it before by the second night.

Do you get that?

Do you get that there’s only ever one first time of anything, whether it’s having a cigarette, having sex, or eating a piece of chocolate cake?

So yes, by night two, MIL had “done it before.”

I don't agree. Take it or leave it. Do you get that? You can froth at the mouth all you like but we don't have to see eye to eye.

You “don’t agree” with the fact that there can literally only be one first time anyone does anything, and that by the second time they do it, they have “done it before”?! Ohhhhh, are you like someone who lives in the Alternative Facts universe? Got it.

Yes, lunatic, I'd like to know what type of behavior MIL has displayed before in other situations. My "WWYD" advice depends on that. Do you often have difficulties getting along with people who have different opinions? Life must be hard for you.

Why would you be “offering advice” when the OP said on page 3 or something that they’re going to take others up on their advice to simply stay in a hotel? How amusing.

I don't know, why are you still here arguing with people who see it differently? What are you trying to prove?

There’s nothing to “prove” when facts stand on their own. There’s literally only one first time of anything, including this MIL loudly talking and asking what was going on in the middle of the night. So by night two, yes, MIL had “done it before.”

Cool, but we can still agree to disagree. This is how this place works.

There’s no such thing as “disagreeing” with facts. That’s just called being wrong. That’s how this place—as in the world—works.

You really really need to be right, don't you? It's weird you're so invested in "winning".

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your responses make it clear how you feel about your MIL. Ask yourself would you be as bitter if it were your own mother? It's a long time you'll have this woman in your life, if you're lucky, so you'd better lose your attitude now if you want your child to have a relationship with her. (And no, I'm not a mother in law, but a mother who couldn't stand her own mother in law.)

My mom listens when I speak and respects my decisions. So there's that. That's what I am bothered by: we communicated before and during the trip. When someone doesn't listen to you or doesn't respect your decisions, it is irritating and hurtful.

I'm not "bitter," I am annoyed and hurt. DH felt the same way--"Why won't she listen?"

I think I'll take the PP's suggestion that we will only stay in a hotel when we visit them, and suggest they stay in a hotel if they don't want to risk hearing a little disturbance until baby is 100% STTN even on travel.

You really don't get it, do you?

You keep saying that she did not respect your decision... BUT you only get to decide what YOU do, not what other adults do.

She did not try to stop what you wanted to do with your baby. But you are mad because you could not stop what she did with her son/grandchild.

I predict that you will eventually driven a wedge between your husband and his mom.

Are you insane? No one gets do ANYTHING with my kids that I do not approve of.

+2. Plus, even if MIL was "allowed to" get up and being a pain, she should not have done so. She did not respect boundaries. That is not acceptable.

Without knowing more context it's hard to answer the WWYD question. Does MIL always do things like this? If so, how do you normally handle this? IF this is new, wouldn't you want to know more about what happened in this particular case? If this is a one off, flying off the handle seems a little over the top. The MIL didn't do anything to the kid at all. This is all about OP not knowing how to handle her annoyance. This has nothing to do with the baby.

Here’s the context: the MIL’s son and daughter-in-law are grown-ass adults who:
1) Offered to stay in a hotel, making it clear there were still night feedings for a 4yo—ILs said no, stay with us
2) OP and her husband told MIL/FIL before the trip even occurred that they would of course handle the night feeding
3) OP and her husband told her MIL every night for several nights—and during the day on the second day—to just leave them alone to handle it at night.

That’s the “context.” There’s nothing that justifies ignoring parents when it comes to their own child. And it by definition wasn’t a “one off” after the first night—do you get that? Do you get that several nights of telling MIL to lower her voice and leave them to it makes it inherently, be definition not a “one off”?

Welp, MIL’s prize for ignoring and disrespecting her son and DIL is that baby will no longer be staying with them.

You didn't answer the question nitwit. Has THIS MIL done this before? If you're not OP you can't answer that.

Yes, she’s “done it before,” in that it happened more than once.

The second time you ever had a glass of wine, even if it was 10 minutes after your first, you’d “done it before.”

So let’s say the first time MIL did this was on a Monday night, and then she did it again on Tuesday, she’d “done it before” by Tuesday.

Ok, Not OP, I'm not really interested in your take on what this MIL you have never met before has done or not done. If OP doesn't answer the questions, then this thread is at a dead end.

This is hilarious. It is literally in the original post that the MIL got up/loudly asked what was going on the first night: and the second night: and the third night: and the fourth night. So by definition of “doing something before,” she had…done it before by the second night.

Do you get that?

Do you get that there’s only ever one first time of anything, whether it’s having a cigarette, having sex, or eating a piece of chocolate cake?

So yes, by night two, MIL had “done it before.”

I don't agree. Take it or leave it. Do you get that? You can froth at the mouth all you like but we don't have to see eye to eye.

You “don’t agree” with the fact that there can literally only be one first time anyone does anything, and that by the second time they do it, they have “done it before”?! Ohhhhh, are you like someone who lives in the Alternative Facts universe? Got it.

Yes, lunatic, I'd like to know what type of behavior MIL has displayed before in other situations. My "WWYD" advice depends on that. Do you often have difficulties getting along with people who have different opinions? Life must be hard for you.

Why would you be “offering advice” when the OP said on page 3 or something that they’re going to take others up on their advice to simply stay in a hotel? How amusing.

I don't know, why are you still here arguing with people who see it differently? What are you trying to prove?

There’s nothing to “prove” when facts stand on their own. There’s literally only one first time of anything, including this MIL loudly talking and asking what was going on in the middle of the night. So by night two, yes, MIL had “done it before.”

Cool, but we can still agree to disagree. This is how this place works.

There’s no such thing as “disagreeing” with facts. That’s just called being wrong. That’s how this place—as in the world—works.

You really really need to be right, don't you? It's weird you're so invested in "winning".

I don’t need to be right: facts are facts. They are indisputable. You can rail against it all you like, but it’s an objective fact that there can only ever be one “first time” of anyone doing anything, and if you do anything more than once, you have “done it before.” It’s not a point to be won or lost: it’s just a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your responses make it clear how you feel about your MIL. Ask yourself would you be as bitter if it were your own mother? It's a long time you'll have this woman in your life, if you're lucky, so you'd better lose your attitude now if you want your child to have a relationship with her. (And no, I'm not a mother in law, but a mother who couldn't stand her own mother in law.)

My mom listens when I speak and respects my decisions. So there's that. That's what I am bothered by: we communicated before and during the trip. When someone doesn't listen to you or doesn't respect your decisions, it is irritating and hurtful.

I'm not "bitter," I am annoyed and hurt. DH felt the same way--"Why won't she listen?"

I think I'll take the PP's suggestion that we will only stay in a hotel when we visit them, and suggest they stay in a hotel if they don't want to risk hearing a little disturbance until baby is 100% STTN even on travel.

You really don't get it, do you?

You keep saying that she did not respect your decision... BUT you only get to decide what YOU do, not what other adults do.

She did not try to stop what you wanted to do with your baby. But you are mad because you could not stop what she did with her son/grandchild.

I predict that you will eventually driven a wedge between your husband and his mom.

Are you insane? No one gets do ANYTHING with my kids that I do not approve of.

+2. Plus, even if MIL was "allowed to" get up and being a pain, she should not have done so. She did not respect boundaries. That is not acceptable.

Without knowing more context it's hard to answer the WWYD question. Does MIL always do things like this? If so, how do you normally handle this? IF this is new, wouldn't you want to know more about what happened in this particular case? If this is a one off, flying off the handle seems a little over the top. The MIL didn't do anything to the kid at all. This is all about OP not knowing how to handle her annoyance. This has nothing to do with the baby.

Here’s the context: the MIL’s son and daughter-in-law are grown-ass adults who:
1) Offered to stay in a hotel, making it clear there were still night feedings for a 4yo—ILs said no, stay with us
2) OP and her husband told MIL/FIL before the trip even occurred that they would of course handle the night feeding
3) OP and her husband told her MIL every night for several nights—and during the day on the second day—to just leave them alone to handle it at night.

That’s the “context.” There’s nothing that justifies ignoring parents when it comes to their own child. And it by definition wasn’t a “one off” after the first night—do you get that? Do you get that several nights of telling MIL to lower her voice and leave them to it makes it inherently, be definition not a “one off”?

Welp, MIL’s prize for ignoring and disrespecting her son and DIL is that baby will no longer be staying with them.

You didn't answer the question nitwit. Has THIS MIL done this before? If you're not OP you can't answer that.

Yes, she’s “done it before,” in that it happened more than once.

The second time you ever had a glass of wine, even if it was 10 minutes after your first, you’d “done it before.”

So let’s say the first time MIL did this was on a Monday night, and then she did it again on Tuesday, she’d “done it before” by Tuesday.

Ok, Not OP, I'm not really interested in your take on what this MIL you have never met before has done or not done. If OP doesn't answer the questions, then this thread is at a dead end.

DP. This stuff is so funny and I’m seeing it a lot more today. If you are not interested in someone’s opinion, scroll on by.

You would think, but when people take it upon themselves to answer for OP you have to wonder why they felt the need to respond as well. It works both ways.

This entire thread - all 20 something pages— is full of conjecture. I laugh at taking the time to tell someone you don’t care about their opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your responses make it clear how you feel about your MIL. Ask yourself would you be as bitter if it were your own mother? It's a long time you'll have this woman in your life, if you're lucky, so you'd better lose your attitude now if you want your child to have a relationship with her. (And no, I'm not a mother in law, but a mother who couldn't stand her own mother in law.)

My mom listens when I speak and respects my decisions. So there's that. That's what I am bothered by: we communicated before and during the trip. When someone doesn't listen to you or doesn't respect your decisions, it is irritating and hurtful.

I'm not "bitter," I am annoyed and hurt. DH felt the same way--"Why won't she listen?"

I think I'll take the PP's suggestion that we will only stay in a hotel when we visit them, and suggest they stay in a hotel if they don't want to risk hearing a little disturbance until baby is 100% STTN even on travel.

You really don't get it, do you?

You keep saying that she did not respect your decision... BUT you only get to decide what YOU do, not what other adults do.

She did not try to stop what you wanted to do with your baby. But you are mad because you could not stop what she did with her son/grandchild.

I predict that you will eventually driven a wedge between your husband and his mom.

Are you insane? No one gets do ANYTHING with my kids that I do not approve of.

+2. Plus, even if MIL was "allowed to" get up and being a pain, she should not have done so. She did not respect boundaries. That is not acceptable.

Without knowing more context it's hard to answer the WWYD question. Does MIL always do things like this? If so, how do you normally handle this? IF this is new, wouldn't you want to know more about what happened in this particular case? If this is a one off, flying off the handle seems a little over the top. The MIL didn't do anything to the kid at all. This is all about OP not knowing how to handle her annoyance. This has nothing to do with the baby.

Here’s the context: the MIL’s son and daughter-in-law are grown-ass adults who:
1) Offered to stay in a hotel, making it clear there were still night feedings for a 4yo—ILs said no, stay with us
2) OP and her husband told MIL/FIL before the trip even occurred that they would of course handle the night feeding
3) OP and her husband told her MIL every night for several nights—and during the day on the second day—to just leave them alone to handle it at night.

That’s the “context.” There’s nothing that justifies ignoring parents when it comes to their own child. And it by definition wasn’t a “one off” after the first night—do you get that? Do you get that several nights of telling MIL to lower her voice and leave them to it makes it inherently, be definition not a “one off”?

Welp, MIL’s prize for ignoring and disrespecting her son and DIL is that baby will no longer be staying with them.

You didn't answer the question nitwit. Has THIS MIL done this before? If you're not OP you can't answer that.

Yes, she’s “done it before,” in that it happened more than once.

The second time you ever had a glass of wine, even if it was 10 minutes after your first, you’d “done it before.”

So let’s say the first time MIL did this was on a Monday night, and then she did it again on Tuesday, she’d “done it before” by Tuesday.

Ok, Not OP, I'm not really interested in your take on what this MIL you have never met before has done or not done. If OP doesn't answer the questions, then this thread is at a dead end.

DP. This stuff is so funny and I’m seeing it a lot more today. If you are not interested in someone’s opinion, scroll on by.

You would think, but when people take it upon themselves to answer for OP you have to wonder why they felt the need to respond as well. It works both ways.

This entire thread - all 20 something pages— is full of conjecture. I laugh at taking the time to tell someone you don’t care about their opinion.

Like you just did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to just lie there listening to a baby cry (which I would hear even with a closed door and noise machine). Should she have stayed In her room? Yes. But I can understand the urge to get up and do something since you are already awake.

Well, I guess MILs who cannot control their “urges” don’t get to have grandbabies stay overnight. What a pity!

I had the urge to help an elderly neighbor who uses a cane down from her front porch to her car on the street, and offered once. She said no thank you. The second time she offered, she explained to me that she truly prefers to do what she can for herself, and she will let me know if she needs help. Do you think I act on my urge to help her every time I see her in this situation, or do you think I respect her choices and her autonomy?

Yes, exactly what I said. She shouldn't have gotten up but I can understand the urge to do so. I wouldn't have acted on it myself but yes, people (like OP's MIL) can lack self control particularly when woken up in the middle of the middle of night. Wouldn't be my hill to die on but clearly for OP it was. Okay - to each her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to just lie there listening to a baby cry (which I would hear even with a closed door and noise machine). Should she have stayed In her room? Yes. But I can understand the urge to get up and do something since you are already awake.

Well, I guess MILs who cannot control their “urges” don’t get to have grandbabies stay overnight. What a pity!

I had the urge to help an elderly neighbor who uses a cane down from her front porch to her car on the street, and offered once. She said no thank you. The second time she offered, she explained to me that she truly prefers to do what she can for herself, and she will let me know if she needs help. Do you think I act on my urge to help her every time I see her in this situation, or do you think I respect her choices and her autonomy?

If I had DIL’s remotely like the ones who post here, I would be thrilled not to have you in my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to just lie there listening to a baby cry (which I would hear even with a closed door and noise machine). Should she have stayed In her room? Yes. But I can understand the urge to get up and do something since you are already awake.

Well, I guess MILs who cannot control their “urges” don’t get to have grandbabies stay overnight. What a pity!

I had the urge to help an elderly neighbor who uses a cane down from her front porch to her car on the street, and offered once. She said no thank you. The second time she offered, she explained to me that she truly prefers to do what she can for herself, and she will let me know if she needs help. Do you think I act on my urge to help her every time I see her in this situation, or do you think I respect her choices and her autonomy?

If I had DIL’s remotely like the ones who post here, I would be thrilled not to have you in my home.

OK, cool! You won’t be seeing much of your grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like she wanted to help. My mom spent the night with us when my oldest was about that age and after I fed him, she held him and rocked him for over an hour in the middle of the night. She said it was such a special moment...just her and her new grandson in a quiet moment in the dark. I get that you are the parent but this is her grandchild and she probably just wanted to feel needed and bond with the baby. And maybe give you a little extra sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your responses make it clear how you feel about your MIL. Ask yourself would you be as bitter if it were your own mother? It's a long time you'll have this woman in your life, if you're lucky, so you'd better lose your attitude now if you want your child to have a relationship with her. (And no, I'm not a mother in law, but a mother who couldn't stand her own mother in law.)

My mom listens when I speak and respects my decisions. So there's that. That's what I am bothered by: we communicated before and during the trip. When someone doesn't listen to you or doesn't respect your decisions, it is irritating and hurtful.

I'm not "bitter," I am annoyed and hurt. DH felt the same way--"Why won't she listen?"

I think I'll take the PP's suggestion that we will only stay in a hotel when we visit them, and suggest they stay in a hotel if they don't want to risk hearing a little disturbance until baby is 100% STTN even on travel.

You really don't get it, do you?

You keep saying that she did not respect your decision... BUT you only get to decide what YOU do, not what other adults do.

She did not try to stop what you wanted to do with your baby. But you are mad because you could not stop what she did with her son/grandchild.

I predict that you will eventually driven a wedge between your husband and his mom.

Are you insane? No one gets do ANYTHING with my kids that I do not approve of.

+2. Plus, even if MIL was "allowed to" get up and being a pain, she should not have done so. She did not respect boundaries. That is not acceptable.

Without knowing more context it's hard to answer the WWYD question. Does MIL always do things like this? If so, how do you normally handle this? IF this is new, wouldn't you want to know more about what happened in this particular case? If this is a one off, flying off the handle seems a little over the top. The MIL didn't do anything to the kid at all. This is all about OP not knowing how to handle her annoyance. This has nothing to do with the baby.

Here’s the context: the MIL’s son and daughter-in-law are grown-ass adults who:
1) Offered to stay in a hotel, making it clear there were still night feedings for a 4yo—ILs said no, stay with us
2) OP and her husband told MIL/FIL before the trip even occurred that they would of course handle the night feeding
3) OP and her husband told her MIL every night for several nights—and during the day on the second day—to just leave them alone to handle it at night.

That’s the “context.” There’s nothing that justifies ignoring parents when it comes to their own child. And it by definition wasn’t a “one off” after the first night—do you get that? Do you get that several nights of telling MIL to lower her voice and leave them to it makes it inherently, be definition not a “one off”?

Welp, MIL’s prize for ignoring and disrespecting her son and DIL is that baby will no longer be staying with them.

You didn't answer the question nitwit. Has THIS MIL done this before? If you're not OP you can't answer that.

Yes, she’s “done it before,” in that it happened more than once.

The second time you ever had a glass of wine, even if it was 10 minutes after your first, you’d “done it before.”

So let’s say the first time MIL did this was on a Monday night, and then she did it again on Tuesday, she’d “done it before” by Tuesday.

Ok, Not OP, I'm not really interested in your take on what this MIL you have never met before has done or not done. If OP doesn't answer the questions, then this thread is at a dead end.

DP. This stuff is so funny and I’m seeing it a lot more today. If you are not interested in someone’s opinion, scroll on by.

You would think, but when people take it upon themselves to answer for OP you have to wonder why they felt the need to respond as well. It works both ways.

This entire thread - all 20 something pages— is full of conjecture. I laugh at taking the time to tell someone you don’t care about their opinion.

Like you just did?

I explained my unclear post -- I assume your post is now more of the same.

[Anonymous]

Cool, but we can still agree to disagree. This is how this place works.

There’s no such thing as “disagreeing” with facts. That’s just called being wrong. That’s how this place—as in the world—works.

You really really need to be right, don't you? It's weird you're so invested in "winning".

NP

You sound just like my husband when he’s wrong about something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like she wanted to help. My mom spent the night with us when my oldest was about that age and after I fed him, she held him and rocked him for over an hour in the middle of the night. She said it was such a special moment...just her and her new grandson in a quiet moment in the dark. I get that you are the parent but this is her grandchild and she probably just wanted to feel needed and bond with the baby. And maybe give you a little extra sleep.

Grandparent-baby bonding hours are during the daytime, not at night, ***if that’s what the parents prefer,*** and clearly in this case, that’s what the parents prefer. That’s great that you enjoyed that “special moment,” but MIL railroading parental choices isn’t “special,” it’s rude and disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Oh my heavens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Walking around your own house isn’t “prowling”.

I questioned this too. She likely wanted to help butdidnt know how to. My mil would take my baby at night to let me sleep during visits.

[Anonymous]

Funny thing is, fast forward a few years and parents like this will wonder why the grandparents are so selfish and don’t come help them.

[Anonymous]

OP you can't complain about ILs in their OWN house. You were b*tchy to MIL. You are in the wrong here.