I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and his wife have a lot of financial options. Cutting back expenses, wife working full time etc.

However, they are not on the same page and I think the issue is primarily marital not financial. I am betting that OP is having an affair and wants the wife working so that he does have to pay a higher alimony.

And like fools we are indulging in Dave Ramsey kind of advice and WOHM-SAHM wars. This is a cheater who wants to bail on his family, especially the wife. He is balking with not having a nest egg to attract another female.

Im the recent PP saying the same thing — the problem is more marital and not financial. OP sees only a financial problem.

I’m not sold on the affair theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lay out the budget and show her that there's a shortage and that you're living very tight. Maybe then she'll get the picture

This, but not exactly.

Stop telling your wife anything. Lay out the budget. Lead her to (better yet, just let her see) the shortfall. Discuss the shortfall. "What should we do about this shortfall, DW?" Don't give any potential solutions.

She's not thinking of solutions because you are giving her solutions (basically your position--get back to work) so just present her with the problem. Right now, you give solution-->she nixes the solution.

I doubt OP would be happy if there was a spend less solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lay out the budget and show her that there's a shortage and that you're living very tight. Maybe then she'll get the picture

This, but not exactly.

Stop telling your wife anything. Lay out the budget. Lead her to (better yet, just let her see) the shortfall. Discuss the shortfall. "What should we do about this shortfall, DW?" Don't give any potential solutions.

She's not thinking of solutions because you are giving her solutions (basically your position--get back to work) so just present her with the problem. Right now, you give solution-->she nixes the solution.

I doubt OP would be happy if there was a spend less solution.

Why should he have to spend less if she's not contributing financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made these strawberry white chocolate cupcakes on sunday: https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/white-chocolate-strawberry-cupcakes/

On Monday, I made french lentils with moroccan spiced salmon.

Last night, I heated up tomato soup but made amazing buttermilk biscuits.

I make around $500k a year.

Love you!

Hey if people are happy I'm in. I made Italian Wedding Soup last night, and banana bread if anyone wants to know. Kids are grown, and I am home with the Jack Russel. Sign Happy Underachiever, lol!

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is OPs situation

https://youtu.be/1Tpr6gC2GjU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got made fun of for wanting to stay home with my 14 year old daughter with pneumonia.
Only on DCUM would a WOHM go crazy on that one.
Yikes.

Huh, where did you see that? I know people disparaged staying home with ‘sick’ teenagers, but most people sick doesn’t mean pneumonia, and 14 is barely a high schooler, so unless you said pneumonia I suspect you are stretching.

My teen son had pneumonia and he basically slept 24x7 for a week and I worked the whole time. Was I going to stand over him and watch him sleep?

Told ya! See above post

But really what did you do the whole time? Maybe I’m neglectful ...

Thanks for proving her point!



For the record, my DH stayed home with me when I had pneumonia a long time ago - before we were married - that’s one of the many reasons I knew he was a keeper!

[Anonymous]

Why did you "tell" her, not ask her, per the title of your thread?

Why can't you get a better paying job? In this economy, you can't find a better paying job? What's wrong with you?

She's working PT already. Could she really be pulling the salary you think after taking all those FT years off to raise your kids? Sacrificing her career?

[Anonymous]

The wife can work full time

[Anonymous]

What did she tell you in return?

[Anonymous]

OP needs to step up and make more money. Wanting to stay a lazy Gs15 is a sad excuse for demanding wife work full time after so many years out of the industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said it before and will say it again -- by very conservative estimates, OP's wife is working no more than 4 hours a week (assuming she doesn't work most school holidays and breaks). I came up with 4 hours a week, assuming she only charges $100 an hour -- which is really low for SLPs in DC.

It would be SO EASY for OP's wife to make $50k and still have school holidays off and control over her schedule without working a lot of hours.

You assume she’s in private practice. The SLPs I work with at a private school are FT and make way less than that. Salaries start in the $40s FT.

Yes, i assume she currently is in private practice - because she only made $18,000 last year! By definition, that's private practice and not working for a school district.

Yes, i assumed she would stay in private practice - because if she increases her work load to 12 hours a week, and works 45 weeks a year (lots of vacay and summers off), charging $100 an hour, she clears $54,000. And this assumes she only makes $100 an hour - which is way under what we paid for a private speech therapist. And i had to call 4 therapists before i found one who would take us, because they were all so busy. So i don't think any of these numbers are unreasonable.

My friends who start working for the school district take a big pay cut -- but they only work 40 weeks a year, don't have to worry about managing a business, finding clients, etc, and get pension, health insurance etc in addition to that pay. I think they're also allowed to work in the summer - so you could easily make another $5000 working only 4-5 hours a week in summer. My friends in those roles were okay taking the pay tradeoff for these upsides, because they had young children -- so their primary concern was a flexible schedule. They just have to show up at the job and not worry about any "extra" stuff that comes with running your own business. But if you're 50 with HS aged kids, there is no reason you can't put slightly more effort in and run a business.

Basically, with a minimal amount of effort (which is reasonable, because it IS a job) she can clear $50k. If she hustled just a bit, she can easily clear $60k.

Did OP state if she was in private practice or with an agency? If the salary is after an agency takes their cut or business expenses are deducted she could be working quite a bit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you approached the conversation more diplomatically than your post title suggests. Your feelings are valid, but your tone and wording implies that you are the boss and you're telling your wife what she needs to do.

If I were in her shoes, I would resist going back to work being approached like that.

On the other hand, if you said you had concerns about family finances and asked me when it would be a good time to discuss it, I'd happily be involved with the conversation and coming up with a plan. That plan may be too look for a job. It may be to cut expenses. It may be a combination of the two. But I'd want the conversation to center on the fact that we are the team.

She may be feeling insecure about her career and current marketability. She may also be feeling undervalued for the effort she put into raising kids and making home life run smoother. I'm almost certain that expressing your appreciation for what she's done will go a long way in helping you achieve your objective. Otherwise it's too easy for her to end up feeling defensive.

This is incredibly good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and make more money. Wanting to stay a lazy Gs15 is a sad excuse for demanding wife work full time after so many years out of the industry.

This x1000000. OP is a loser male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you "tell" her, not ask her, per the title of your thread?

Why can't you get a better paying job? In this economy, you can't find a better paying job? What's wrong with you?

She's working PT already. Could she really be pulling the salary you think after taking all those FT years off to raise your kids? Sacrificing her career?

Read. The. Thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and make more money. Wanting to stay a lazy Gs15 is a sad excuse for demanding wife work full time after so many years out of the industry.

Read. The. Thread.