Holding my boundary. Let him be mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, can your MIL handle your DD solo for a few hours every weekend? That way, you and DH both get solo time at once, and the rest of the weekend you spend together as a family? I agree solo time is important, but when both parents work FT, there is not a lot of quality time during the week, so weekends are precious.

I also don’t think your solo time should be spent on home organization or grocery shopping or working. Do the errands together, the three of you. And keep weekends free of work (or alternatively designate 3 weeknights to keep free of work). Spend your solo time in r&r mode.

I said the same as above. Look around the grocery store and Target on a Saturday morning, it's all kids with their parents. Why waste your time alone doing what could be done with the kid. My kids all loved going to Target, by the way. And do grocery delivery. Order school crap from Amazon. This doesn't have to be as hard as OP is making it out to be. But she really seems to want to maximize the victimhood. Her precious Saturday morning time is being squandered this way.

So let dad take over the shopping and child errands and take his daughter shopping with him. Done.

[Anonymous]

OP, If you divorce you will have your kids some days from sunup until sundown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, If you divorce you will have your kids some days from sunup until sundown.

And? She’ll also have many hours where — gasp! — the father has to actually PARENT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sweet lord don’t have any more kids. We have 3 kids and both of us were up at 6:45 this morning so we could get to an 8am game for our middle child. One of us got up to get her there and the other one got up to get the other 2 kids ready and meet them at the game.

I can’t imagine tit for tat every weekend.

You can’t imagine parents agreeing to have a couple of hours to themselves each week (obviously not at the same time as a game) and one parent insisting that the other stick to the arrangement they made? Really?

DP, no I cannot imagine being that rigid for the gym and a shower just because it was "MY 4 HOURS!". If my agreed to personal time was being disrespected on a regular basis, then we would have a discussion. I wouldn't be so rigid though, I'd give him the grace that I want in return. Life happens, especially as you have more kids and it becomes more complicated.

He does disrespect my time, generally.
It’s an overall vibe attitude that when he’s solo with dd he is doing something special or like it’s a favor to me that I get solo tune.
Unless I specifically ask, he will not give a bath, cut her nails, do dishes, vacuum something he or dd spills, etc.
If I don’t speak up he just exists, with no regard to his wake.
Expecting assuming that I will clean it up, handle it, register for this, buy the gift for that, etc

Why don't you get a weekend Nanny since neither of you seem to want to do your daughter's care? I'd get a week day Nanny too.

You seem to have plenty of money. Outsource your daughter's care since you are so angry over it and you don't want to do it yourself.

This is the saddest thread I've ever read on this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Things of note:
-I would never quit my job. For one, I like making my own money. I would never make myself financial dependent on a man. Also, I have carried the health benefits for our family for the last 6 years. And I don’t trust my husband in terms of job stability
-Guess what I also often do on my “sat am free time”…other than working out for an hour and maybe reading for 30min or so. Grocery shopping. Trader Joe’s. Amazon returns to the ups store. Target runs for earth day items for dd’s school. Aka things for my f-ing family that aren’t even on dh’s radar or he assumes/expects that I will handle. Because I always have.
- I didn’t throw a tantrum or yell in front of dd. I literally said: “excited to play with you all afternoon after your nap” I told my dh: “you got nap and lunch” it was my dh who said “me? Why would I do it?” And I said why wouldn’t you. What did I do after dd got up from her nap? Took her to the museum, had a wonderful day. What did dh do? Pack for his work trip, leave the house for a few hours, and didn’t see dd for the rest of the day. He left in the morning for a week long trip. And didn’t see dd after giving her lunch and putting her down for nap. Dd woke up asking where daddy was. I said he went on an airplane for work and will come back. “Why didn’t he kiss me goodnight?” Now talk to me about parental engagement and involvement.
- as he packed, I told dh I was sorry his feelings were hurt but that I needed to talk to him about what happened. His reply “I vented and I think I’m good now.” He has texted me from his work trip as if nothing happened. Sending pictures of meals at restaurants and telling me about the weather. Literally as if nothing happened.

I haven’t left bc I think custody wouid be a nightmare and the finances of two homes an even bigger one.

OP, you clearly LOATHE your husband. Everything you’ve said about him reeks of bitterness and dislike. I think you should stop complaining and just get a divorce

+1

DH didn’t think it was a big deal because it wasn’t a big deal. OP is a high maintenance drama queen who acts like spending time with her daughter is like scrubbing toilets.

DH didn’t want to spend that time with his daughter either after passing her off to his mom all morning. Yet you only bash the OP.

But OP was mad at what he didn't do on her time. He didn't even kiss her goodnight! It cuts both ways. She didn't tuck her kid in for nap either, or fix her lunch, or want to spend time before getting the daughter handed off on her time. The kid wants both her parents involved not just one or the other. Instead she has these two yahoos playing hot potato.

There’s a huge difference between lunch and a goodnight kiss. No one really loves to make lunch for their kid—we do it because we have to. But a goodnight kiss? I want to kiss my kids goodnight, and miss it terribly when I’m traveling. The fact that he doesn’t want to…well, it says something about his relationship to his child.

That's what I think about a mother who shoos her kid away and tells her she will see her after the nap. Poor kid to end up with these two parents. Peas in a pod.

But she has a parent who will make her lunch. Anyone can make a kid lunch. Lunch isn’t a kiss. Mom’s kiss isn’t the same as Dad’s kiss.

Oh stop it. Both people can be wrong here. Dad may be slightly more wrong but neither look good. And the kiss stuff is just ick. No need to go there.

I have no idea what you mean by the kiss stuff being “ick.” Are you reading something sexual into this? If so, you’re the pervert, not me. What a disgusting person you are.

Go on then weirdo, tell us why mom's kiss is better than dad's kiss?

If you actually read for comprehension, you would see that I said mom’s kiss and dad’s kiss aren’t the same. Like, you can’t just substitute one or the other—you need both. Whereas who TF cares who makes the tuna fish sandwich. It’s just a sandwich, it’s not a personal expression of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wow to some posters on this thread.
As a former teacher I was often aghast at how little time/attention some parents gave their children. OP does not sound like that at all though. Shame on those who are trying to shame moms who need a few hours to themselves once a week.

My mom was one of those martyr types and it was completely unhealthy, she was absolutely miserable, and my parents ended up divorced.... but hey, at least we never had to have a babysitter, right?

Read again. OP got more than “a few hours” to herself. She’s upset that she’s getting 4.5 hours instead of 5 or wherever they agreed to with their rigid contract. She just CAN’T function without that bit of “her” time and thinks it’s unjust that her husband gets a bit of extra “him” time on one day. OP really doesn’t want to spend an additional half hour with her kid AND really doesn’t want her husband “winning” that prized extra alone time (like that poor kid is a chore). It’s petty and self centered. I bet OP was a bridezilla.

+1 to me it's that it's a LOT of "me time" (esp if every weekend) and having his conversation in front of DD so it's clear neither parent wants to be with her. Having a sep conversation between adults afterward about how the schedule is working and repeated issues with DH etc would be different.

OP is just not that into being mom. Which is her prerogative. But let's not pretend that getting 5 hrs of time to yourself every wknd when you also work FT during the week is the mark of someone who really wants to spend time with their one child.

This nails it.

You see this all the time. Two selfish people can survive marriage because you can continue to be pretty selfish, especially if you are reasonably well off. But add a kid into the mix, and everything falls apart because you have to be so much less selfish. But also, come on, I'm not sure what OP's job is, but even jobs that require a lot of work still afford ample "me time" -- just not many hours in a row.

F you. I’m a lawyer. I kept my family single-handedly afloat when my husband lost his job. I still make more money. I am the source of health benefits. I work hard for my clients and I have busted my @ss to keep my family stable.

-op

Who cares? You are a failure as a parent and as a spouse. You have a sucky marriage and you got a kid in it who will grow up to be an adult who needs a lot of therapy.

If your personal family life is terrible and you are playing a role in that - then who cares what job you do? Probably you suck at your job too. Tell me who likes you? (AP or Work Husband excluded)

-DP

Well, it’s quite obvious that no one likes you, else why would you attack a perfect stranger on the internet? What a miserable shrew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I have always split Saturday. He gets up with dd and has her for the am, lunch and puts her down for nap. I have dd after naptime thru dinner and bed. I get a free am, dh gets a free afternoon.

Dh took dd to his moms house this morning. They walked in the door around noon. He announced that he was exhausted, dd needed lunch and a nap and he was going to relax. I was standing in a towel with wet hair from the shower after a great workout. Sat am is My time.

I said, cool dd, excited to play with you after nap! Maybe we can go to the museum.
Dh: “wait you’re not handling lunch and nap?”
Me: “why would I, it’s Sat am?”
Dh: shooting me dirty looks glares.

This is not the first time he’s done this. To me this says, He believes his time to be more important. He can walk in the door and just throw everything on me bc- I’m the mom? I let this dynamic go on for a long time and slowly I’ve started implementing boundaries. If I didn’t speak up for myself, I’d do 100% of the cooking cleaning and childcare. If I don’t speak up for myself, he would never wash a dish. Spill something on the counter and leave it.

As predicted, he sent me a rambling nasty text message of how unloved and unappreciated he felt. And that dd (who is 3) also felt unloved by the cold welcome. He said I need to stop being competitive selfish and petty about childcare.

Now what do you think his reaction would be if I walked in the door and announced I was tired and our daughter needed to eat and sleep. He would say to me exactly what I said to him. That this chunk of time is his free time. He’s a hypocrite.

If he had asked or communicated a change in schedule I would have more likely than not been accommodating. But walking in the door like that? No way.

What makes it more absurd is that he’s about to leave tomorrow for a week long work trip. I’ll be solo with dd for a week, and yes, I work. I’m tact I make more f-ing money than him.

If I don’t stand up for myself , my time, and my boundaries, he will walk all over me.

It was afternoon. Per your agreement, it was you time to take over.

Did you not read directly before you bolded? It literally says her dh handles lunch and naptime and the op
Handles dinner time and bed.

This is exactly why rigid agreements don’t work. How do they handle days that are off-schedule, which are inevitable? Who gets the “extra work”? It’s healthy to be flexible in your time to account for life’s surprises, to speak to your spouse with respect, and to not hold salaries over anyone’s head. OP and her spouse sound like they’re harboring a whole lot of resentment and both would need to mage changes.

What if the child has explosive diarrhea or vomits everywhere when it's "your watch" and creates a huge mess? Is it just "sucks to be you, babe!" as you watch the other person clean up a huge mess and tend to a sick child? So glad my spouse and I can work as a team. I can remember having just one kid and thinking this was a big deal but then we had 3 and it was pretty much all hands on deck until the youngest was at least 4 and we just rolled with it.

Of course I would help. We were “flexible” on hands on deck for the first 2 years or so. And then I looked up one day and realized flexibility meant me doing basically all of the cleaning child care AND making more money.

You know, that's your big problem. You have no respect for your DH because he is a beta and low earning to boot. Maybe divorce that POS. You must be feeling horrible having a kid with that loser, no?

Op here. Dh always preached feminism and that he saw no problem with being a house husband/his dream wouid be to be a stay at home dad etc. professed no issue with traditional values that men must make money and women stay at home. YET when he lost his job, had a long period of unemployment and I became the breadwinner, in turn asking him to pick up extra load at home/ I think his theory of feminism and a stay at home dad became a reality he didn’t actually like or want. He did eventually find a job but has made less than me for 6 years now. I think it bothers him. I do think if he went back to the high earning status he had before things might be different. Not sure if better, but I think he feels emasculated. Frankly, if I have to put up with a jerk and someone not willing to pull weight at home, I’d MUCH prefer dh be making much better money and feeling financially secure and able to outsource some things. Basically I don’t think I’d put up as much of a fuss about doing 90% of the housework if he were making more money.

Man or woman. You can’t be making less money AND doing less work at home.

OP, it is rare that people in marriages make the same amount of money in a marriage. The anger that you have for him earning less than you
for 6 years is palpable.

Understand that for a woman who is a high wage earning it is unrealistic to find someone in the dating field making the same or more than you.

[Anonymous]

The amount of deflection on this thread makes my head spin. She's not mad that he makes less. She's mad that he's makes less *and*:

- does less around the house and
- does less childcare and
- lets her pick up his slack and finally
- sends ragey texts that she doesn't love her kid

Mess less money, or do less around the house, but not both.

- Single mom who does it all so I know exactly what's involved with doing both

[Anonymous]

Multiple typos but you get my drift. Apparently this topic makes me ragey as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, can your MIL handle your DD solo for a few hours every weekend? That way, you and DH both get solo time at once, and the rest of the weekend you spend together as a family? I agree solo time is important, but when both parents work FT, there is not a lot of quality time during the week, so weekends are precious.

I also don’t think your solo time should be spent on home organization or grocery shopping or working. Do the errands together, the three of you. And keep weekends free of work (or alternatively designate 3 weeknights to keep free of work). Spend your solo time in r&r mode.

I said the same as above. Look around the grocery store and Target on a Saturday morning, it's all kids with their parents. Why waste your time alone doing what could be done with the kid. My kids all loved going to Target, by the way. And do grocery delivery. Order school crap from Amazon. This doesn't have to be as hard as OP is making it out to be. But she really seems to want to maximize the victimhood. Her precious Saturday morning time is being squandered this way.

So let dad take over the shopping and child errands and take his daughter shopping with him. Done.

Sure why not. But op probably realizes she already gets the better shift maybe she thought it was the right thing to do. The morning person has a longer day. There are other ways to get the chores done so it’s weird that op wastes her “me” time doing them. Get the groceries delivered, Amazon, but she is a glutton for punishment and takes the hard road. None of this makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

It is always very telling how quickly this board will step up to 1) bash an OP, regardless of OP's situation and, sometimes paradoxically, 2) demonize any mom who isn't accepting of the status quo. This is definitely the most brazen example I can think of on this board.

28 pages of people insisting that by saying "I'll see you after lunch, I'm gonna go dry my hair!" the OP was communicating dislike for spending time with her daughter and selfishness. I think that many of you are maybe not reading the OP's posts clearly for logistical details like "I was standing in a towel with wet hair from the shower..." This is not a person who is just sitting around on a couch scrolling DCUM. She is literally wet and naked and her husband walked in the door and told her that she was on duty. No "when you get dressed, could you..." or "hey, I know you need to dry your hair, but..."

The people condemning the OP, calling her selfish, suggesting she should put her kid up for adoption, etc. cannot even concede that his "request" wasn't a request at all and was poorly timed and executed. Why is that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is always very telling how quickly this board will step up to 1) bash an OP, regardless of OP's situation and, sometimes paradoxically, 2) demonize any mom who isn't accepting of the status quo. This is definitely the most brazen example I can think of on this board.

28 pages of people insisting that by saying "I'll see you after lunch, I'm gonna go dry my hair!" the OP was communicating dislike for spending time with her daughter and selfishness. I think that many of you are maybe not reading the OP's posts clearly for logistical details like "I was standing in a towel with wet hair from the shower..." This is not a person who is just sitting around on a couch scrolling DCUM. She is literally wet and naked and her husband walked in the door and told her that she was on duty. No "when you get dressed, could you..." or "hey, I know you need to dry your hair, but..."

The people condemning the OP, calling her selfish, suggesting she should put her kid up for adoption, etc. cannot even concede that his "request" wasn't a request at all and was poorly timed and executed. Why is that??

Telling her to dump the husband is piling on OP? Have you read any other replies or are you just here to scold other women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Things of note:
-I would never quit my job. For one, I like making my own money. I would never make myself financial dependent on a man. Also, I have carried the health benefits for our family for the last 6 years. And I don’t trust my husband in terms of job stability
-Guess what I also often do on my “sat am free time”…other than working out for an hour and maybe reading for 30min or so. Grocery shopping. Trader Joe’s. Amazon returns to the ups store. Target runs for earth day items for dd’s school. Aka things for my f-ing family that aren’t even on dh’s radar or he assumes/expects that I will handle. Because I always have.
- I didn’t throw a tantrum or yell in front of dd. I literally said: “excited to play with you all afternoon after your nap” I told my dh: “you got nap and lunch” it was my dh who said “me? Why would I do it?” And I said why wouldn’t you. What did I do after dd got up from her nap? Took her to the museum, had a wonderful day. What did dh do? Pack for his work trip, leave the house for a few hours, and didn’t see dd for the rest of the day. He left in the morning for a week long trip. And didn’t see dd after giving her lunch and putting her down for nap. Dd woke up asking where daddy was. I said he went on an airplane for work and will come back. “Why didn’t he kiss me goodnight?” Now talk to me about parental engagement and involvement.
- as he packed, I told dh I was sorry his feelings were hurt but that I needed to talk to him about what happened. His reply “I vented and I think I’m good now.” He has texted me from his work trip as if nothing happened. Sending pictures of meals at restaurants and telling me about the weather. Literally as if nothing happened.

I haven’t left bc I think custody wouid be a nightmare and the finances of two homes an even bigger one.

You're not wrong. But it's interesting that you think nothing of telling your kid it's not your turn for lunch and nap and you'll see here when it's your shift. And then you criticize your husband for not kissing her goodnight on your shift. You can't have it both ways. Maybe she was sad you didn't want to see her either?

Are you being deliberately stupid? the DH left FOR A WEEK without saying goodbye to his DD. The OP told her DH to honor their agreement for a couple of hours. In NO WAY is this the same thing.

Idiot.

DP. But the schedule has OP in charge of bed time on Saturdays. That's the way they set it up. I think it's weird but it is what it is. So I think you're being a bit hypocritical about how one spouse should follow the rules to a T but then also bend them in the same day.

That's the part that made me most sad. Bedtime is sometimes the best part of the day. Clean from the bath. In warm PJs. Mom & Dad in bed reading the book together to the kid. It's so warm and loving. I get that sometimes one parent has to miss it because of work or other commitments, but to alternate bedtime because you don't want to do it just feels sad.

It's one of the most intimate and loving daily "ceremonies" we have with our kids.

Omg some of you are such drama queens. DH and I go through periods where one or the other of us is busy with work or whatever, so the one with more free time at the moment does bedtime alone. NBD. Stop acting like other people’s situations are “sad” just bc they don’t fit your mold. I am sure I would find 10,000 things about your life “sad” too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Things of note:
-I would never quit my job. For one, I like making my own money. I would never make myself financial dependent on a man. Also, I have carried the health benefits for our family for the last 6 years. And I don’t trust my husband in terms of job stability
-Guess what I also often do on my “sat am free time”…other than working out for an hour and maybe reading for 30min or so. Grocery shopping. Trader Joe’s. Amazon returns to the ups store. Target runs for earth day items for dd’s school. Aka things for my f-ing family that aren’t even on dh’s radar or he assumes/expects that I will handle. Because I always have.
- I didn’t throw a tantrum or yell in front of dd. I literally said: “excited to play with you all afternoon after your nap” I told my dh: “you got nap and lunch” it was my dh who said “me? Why would I do it?” And I said why wouldn’t you. What did I do after dd got up from her nap? Took her to the museum, had a wonderful day. What did dh do? Pack for his work trip, leave the house for a few hours, and didn’t see dd for the rest of the day. He left in the morning for a week long trip. And didn’t see dd after giving her lunch and putting her down for nap. Dd woke up asking where daddy was. I said he went on an airplane for work and will come back. “Why didn’t he kiss me goodnight?” Now talk to me about parental engagement and involvement.
- as he packed, I told dh I was sorry his feelings were hurt but that I needed to talk to him about what happened. His reply “I vented and I think I’m good now.” He has texted me from his work trip as if nothing happened. Sending pictures of meals at restaurants and telling me about the weather. Literally as if nothing happened.

I haven’t left bc I think custody wouid be a nightmare and the finances of two homes an even bigger one.

OP, you clearly LOATHE your husband. Everything you’ve said about him reeks of bitterness and dislike. I think you should stop complaining and just get a divorce

+1

DH didn’t think it was a big deal because it wasn’t a big deal. OP is a high maintenance drama queen who acts like spending time with her daughter is like scrubbing toilets.

DH didn’t want to spend that time with his daughter either after passing her off to his mom all morning. Yet you only bash the OP.

But OP was mad at what he didn't do on her time. He didn't even kiss her goodnight! It cuts both ways. She didn't tuck her kid in for nap either, or fix her lunch, or want to spend time before getting the daughter handed off on her time. The kid wants both her parents involved not just one or the other. Instead she has these two yahoos playing hot potato.

There’s a huge difference between lunch and a goodnight kiss. No one really loves to make lunch for their kid—we do it because we have to. But a goodnight kiss? I want to kiss my kids goodnight, and miss it terribly when I’m traveling. The fact that he doesn’t want to…well, it says something about his relationship to his child.

That's what I think about a mother who shoos her kid away and tells her she will see her after the nap. Poor kid to end up with these two parents. Peas in a pod.

But she has a parent who will make her lunch. Anyone can make a kid lunch. Lunch isn’t a kiss. Mom’s kiss isn’t the same as Dad’s kiss.

Oh stop it. Both people can be wrong here. Dad may be slightly more wrong but neither look good. And the kiss stuff is just ick. No need to go there.

I have no idea what you mean by the kiss stuff being “ick.” Are you reading something sexual into this? If so, you’re the pervert, not me. What a disgusting person you are.

Go on then weirdo, tell us why mom's kiss is better than dad's kiss?

If you actually read for comprehension, you would see that I said mom’s kiss and dad’s kiss aren’t the same. Like, you can’t just substitute one or the other—you need both. Whereas who TF cares who makes the tuna fish sandwich. It’s just a sandwich, it’s not a personal expression of love.

Disagree. At that age, time and proximity is what they want - those are acts of love. Choosing not to see your kid until 3pm+ each Saturday is not an act of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Things of note:
-I would never quit my job. For one, I like making my own money. I would never make myself financial dependent on a man. Also, I have carried the health benefits for our family for the last 6 years. And I don’t trust my husband in terms of job stability
-Guess what I also often do on my “sat am free time”…other than working out for an hour and maybe reading for 30min or so. Grocery shopping. Trader Joe’s. Amazon returns to the ups store. Target runs for earth day items for dd’s school. Aka things for my f-ing family that aren’t even on dh’s radar or he assumes/expects that I will handle. Because I always have.
- I didn’t throw a tantrum or yell in front of dd. I literally said: “excited to play with you all afternoon after your nap” I told my dh: “you got nap and lunch” it was my dh who said “me? Why would I do it?” And I said why wouldn’t you. What did I do after dd got up from her nap? Took her to the museum, had a wonderful day. What did dh do? Pack for his work trip, leave the house for a few hours, and didn’t see dd for the rest of the day. He left in the morning for a week long trip. And didn’t see dd after giving her lunch and putting her down for nap. Dd woke up asking where daddy was. I said he went on an airplane for work and will come back. “Why didn’t he kiss me goodnight?” Now talk to me about parental engagement and involvement.
- as he packed, I told dh I was sorry his feelings were hurt but that I needed to talk to him about what happened. His reply “I vented and I think I’m good now.” He has texted me from his work trip as if nothing happened. Sending pictures of meals at restaurants and telling me about the weather. Literally as if nothing happened.

I haven’t left bc I think custody wouid be a nightmare and the finances of two homes an even bigger one.

OP, you clearly LOATHE your husband. Everything you’ve said about him reeks of bitterness and dislike. I think you should stop complaining and just get a divorce

+1

DH didn’t think it was a big deal because it wasn’t a big deal. OP is a high maintenance drama queen who acts like spending time with her daughter is like scrubbing toilets.

DH didn’t want to spend that time with his daughter either after passing her off to his mom all morning. Yet you only bash the OP.

But OP was mad at what he didn't do on her time. He didn't even kiss her goodnight! It cuts both ways. She didn't tuck her kid in for nap either, or fix her lunch, or want to spend time before getting the daughter handed off on her time. The kid wants both her parents involved not just one or the other. Instead she has these two yahoos playing hot potato.

There’s a huge difference between lunch and a goodnight kiss. No one really loves to make lunch for their kid—we do it because we have to. But a goodnight kiss? I want to kiss my kids goodnight, and miss it terribly when I’m traveling. The fact that he doesn’t want to…well, it says something about his relationship to his child.

That's what I think about a mother who shoos her kid away and tells her she will see her after the nap. Poor kid to end up with these two parents. Peas in a pod.

But she has a parent who will make her lunch. Anyone can make a kid lunch. Lunch isn’t a kiss. Mom’s kiss isn’t the same as Dad’s kiss.

Oh stop it. Both people can be wrong here. Dad may be slightly more wrong but neither look good. And the kiss stuff is just ick. No need to go there.

I have no idea what you mean by the kiss stuff being “ick.” Are you reading something sexual into this? If so, you’re the pervert, not me. What a disgusting person you are.

Go on then weirdo, tell us why mom's kiss is better than dad's kiss?

If you actually read for comprehension, you would see that I said mom’s kiss and dad’s kiss aren’t the same. Like, you can’t just substitute one or the other—you need both. Whereas who TF cares who makes the tuna fish sandwich. It’s just a sandwich, it’s not a personal expression of love.

Moron, most people don't live in some perfect world where mom and dad are both available to read, cuddle, simultaneously kiss, and snuggle one child in an elaborate bedtime routine every night. Come out of the clouds and focus on the bigger picture here.