Quick thinking! I agree no more kids. My DH was the same way and I stopped at one. |
Op here. 10000% if he had said hey I’m super tired do you mind handling lunch and nap- I would’ve said yes. It’s the assumption. The expectation. |
Right on, OP. I think what you both agreed on is great. However, I'm not sure you're both on the same wavelength and maybe a little marriage counseling is in order before this becomes just the tip of the iceberg. |
That’s a great idea, wish I would’ve thought of it on the spot. |
Ok that is more reasonable (I see now you were venting in the OP). If you care to repair the relationship, I would go to him and explain this once you are both calmed. |
But it sounds like he took dd over to his mom's house and i bet you his mom entertained dd all morning. |
He does disrespect my time, generally. It’s an overall vibe attitude that when he’s solo with dd he is doing something special or like it’s a favor to me that I get solo tune. Unless I specifically ask, he will not give a bath, cut her nails, do dishes, vacuum something he or dd spills, etc. If I don’t speak up he just exists, with no regard to his wake. Expecting assuming that I will clean it up, handle it, register for this, buy the gift for that, etc |
Op here and he wonders why I’m not enthusiastic about a second. |
My experience is that rigidity/firm boundaries is a result of always being the one who is flexible and giving grace without receiving the same in turn. I don’t know about OP, but I had to insist that my DH pick the day he was going to do mornings with the kids because when it was just, well, we’ll figure it out and things should work out approximately evenly, things were very uneven. If I said, I woke up early Sat and Sun for the last 5 weeks, I was accused of bean-counting. I don’t even think he was doing it on purpose, he just vastly overestimated what he was doing compared to what I was doing. So it had to be a schedule so everyone had the same expectations. And, like OP, deviating from the schedule is fine, so long as it’s arranged and asked for, not an assumption that I was available anytime he was tired or wanted to do something else. |
Because it IS a chore. Young kids aren’t always easy and it’s not 100% unicorn farts and rainbows. It’s hard work. |
I’d be willing to bet that’s EXACTLY what happened. |
Op here. I’m rigid about my time bc if I’m not, he will walk all over it.I generally physically leave for the am so I can BREATHE and have time for me. If I’m in the garage doing a workout on a sat am, do you know how many times dh has walked in to ask things like “do we have food for lunch, where is dd’s this, where is her that, do you know where this is” Flexibility and grace can’t only go to his benefit. |
He knew what the deal was. I would respond that he should not have put you on the spot like that in front of her. He set you up to either hold you ground and look bad, or cave to his wishes. |
Op here. YES. I feel so seen. I actually suggested the sat schedule after looking up day and realizing I was the only one getting up with dd every weekend morning as he snored sound asleep. And yes, when I point out things that are grossly unfair or not equitable in terms of domestic labor- he says I’m tit for tat. I’m so tired of it. ALMOST EVERYTHING is easier when he’s not around, frankly. |
Great for you, but this is why some people choose not to have 3 kids. |