I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

Me as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

Same here. It never occurred to me to keep the pregnancy and I’ve never had regrets. I have two daughters and would recommend the same if they had an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

You knew you didn’t want to keep the baby and acted quickly. OP says her daughter appears to have become deliberately pregnant. How is she going to force her to have an abortion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

And me, except I was 19 and am 45 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

Same here. It never occurred to me to keep the pregnancy and I’ve never had regrets. I have two daughters and would recommend the same if they had an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

You knew you didn’t want to keep the baby and acted quickly. OP says her daughter appears to have become deliberately pregnant. How is she going to force her to have an abortion?

Not one person is suggesting OP “force” her daughter to have an abortion, whatever that even would mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

+1,000,001

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

OPs daughter, and no one, is a brood mare to provide children for the infertile. So stop. That people would like/need a baby is entirely irrelevant.

And, even if they went this route, you cannot guarantee that the adoptive home would be loving, stable, etc.

[Anonymous]

Two of my aunts had babies at a young age, lived at home and relied heavily on my grandmother to care for their children. One of my aunts stayed out to all hours of the night partying and my grandmother was really the mother figure to my cousin. I should add that my grandmother had already raised eight children of her own. She also watched me and my siblings during the day until we started school , but as she explained to her daughters when they complained that she favored her son (my father), we went home at night and the weekends and our parents paid her as an acknowledgement of what she was providing. My grandmother helped but was very resentful because she was raising two children in her 60s when she had already raised eight children and she was tired. She also could not understand why her dd's were not using readily available birth control, something her generation did not have access to. One aunt never left home and lived with my grandmother until she died. The partying aunt eventually married another man but my grandmother remained the central parent figure in that cousin's life. I know we are fortunate to have had such loving childcare but I also wish my grandmother could have had some much deserved peace and quiet in her older years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

OPs daughter, and no one, is a brood mare to provide children for the infertile. So stop. That people would like/need a baby is entirely irrelevant.

And, even if they went this route, you cannot guarantee that the adoptive home would be loving, stable, etc.

I agree with the last PP. Also, I am the child of an adopted parent. My parent’s experience was terrible with long lasting repercussions of depression and mental illness. You simply never know how things will turn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

OPs daughter, and no one, is a brood mare to provide children for the infertile. So stop. That people would like/need a baby is entirely irrelevant.

And, even if they went this route, you cannot guarantee that the adoptive home would be loving, stable, etc.

Oh, good grief. My last sentence is "Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision". There are many wonderful couples who long to give a baby a loving, stable home. No one is saying that a young woman (or man) should be forced to give up their baby, but adoption is absolutely a solid choice and it might be the best choice for all involved depending on the situation.

Calling a young woman who decides to place her baby for adoption a "brood mare" is just...so wrong. I can't believe you said that.

[Anonymous]

Oh, good grief. My last sentence is "Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision". There are many wonderful couples who long to give a baby a loving, stable home. No one is saying that a young woman (or man) should be forced to give up their baby, but adoption is absolutely a solid choice and it might be the best choice for all involved depending on the situation.

Calling a young woman who decides to place her baby for adoption a "brood mare" is just...so wrong. I can't believe you said that.

+1
A young teenage couple who have no education, no jobs, and realize that they are not mature enough to parent a child are absolutely doing the responsible thing to decide to place a baby for adoption. A baby is not a toy for a teenager who wants to have a baby so she can have a living being love her unconditionally. It is the height of selfishness for a teenager to decide to keep a baby when they do no have the ability to care for it---it is a selfish action towards the teenager's family, who is then expected to support and raise another child, it is a selfish action towards society---believing that public assistance should just pay for your bad choices, and it is a selfish action towards the baby--who deserves the best shot at a future that the teenage mother can provide. Since I was born pre Roe v. Wade, I have a number of friends who were adopted at birth, because in the late 60s society was not so cavalier about the real negative impacts of teenage single parenthood on a child's future. While each adoptee certainly has their own opinions and feelings, my friends have always recognized that their birth moms were looking out for their best long term interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, good grief. My last sentence is "Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision". There are many wonderful couples who long to give a baby a loving, stable home. No one is saying that a young woman (or man) should be forced to give up their baby, but adoption is absolutely a solid choice and it might be the best choice for all involved depending on the situation.

Calling a young woman who decides to place her baby for adoption a "brood mare" is just...so wrong. I can't believe you said that.

+1
A young teenage couple who have no education, no jobs, and realize that they are not mature enough to parent a child are absolutely doing the responsible thing to decide to place a baby for adoption. A baby is not a toy for a teenager who wants to have a baby so she can have a living being love her unconditionally. It is the height of selfishness for a teenager to decide to keep a baby when they do no have the ability to care for it---it is a selfish action towards the teenager's family, who is then expected to support and raise another child, it is a selfish action towards society---believing that public assistance should just pay for your bad choices, and it is a selfish action towards the baby--who deserves the best shot at a future that the teenage mother can provide. Since I was born pre Roe v. Wade, I have a number of friends who were adopted at birth, because in the late 60s society was not so cavalier about the real negative impacts of teenage single parenthood on a child's future. While each adoptee certainly has their own opinions and feelings, my friends have always recognized that their birth moms were looking out for their best long term interests.

next thing you'll be arguing for is a court order to hand that baby over to the family of your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

OPs daughter, and no one, is a brood mare to provide children for the infertile. So stop. That people would like/need a baby is entirely irrelevant.

And, even if they went this route, you cannot guarantee that the adoptive home would be loving, stable, etc.

Oh, good grief. My last sentence is "Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision". There are many wonderful couples who long to give a baby a loving, stable home. No one is saying that a young woman (or man) should be forced to give up their baby, but adoption is absolutely a solid choice and it might be the best choice for all involved depending on the situation.

Calling a young woman who decides to place her baby for adoption a "brood mare" is just...so wrong. I can't believe you said that.

OP is looking out for her daughter. No one cares about your wonderful couples. They should find their own solution to their own problem, not latch onto vulnerable teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

OPs daughter, and no one, is a brood mare to provide children for the infertile. So stop. That people would like/need a baby is entirely irrelevant.

And, even if they went this route, you cannot guarantee that the adoptive home would be loving, stable, etc.

Oh, good grief. My last sentence is "Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision". There are many wonderful couples who long to give a baby a loving, stable home. No one is saying that a young woman (or man) should be forced to give up their baby, but adoption is absolutely a solid choice and it might be the best choice for all involved depending on the situation.

Calling a young woman who decides to place her baby for adoption a "brood mare" is just...so wrong. I can't believe you said that.

Reading isn't your strong suit, is it? -I- am not calling her that or treating her that way. People like you are. The fact that there are adoptive families who want a baby is 1000% irrelevant to OP's DD's situation. ENTIRELY irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you weren't planning on settling into retirement OP. Make sure she gets child support, even if she doesn't need the money, set it aside for the child to have.

As a mom of a boy, I feel so bad for the father in this situation

Why, did she dupe him into having unprotected sex with her?

NP here and it's kinda like they both were stupid and decided to drive on the wrong side of the road. Now, they see a car coming and OP's DD is pressing down on the gas.

He made a stupid youthful mistake that he's going to have to deal with for the rest of his life. The DD does too, but at least she still has an eject button.

She can decide to keep the baby, he’s responsible for support, and has zero say in that decision. What if he wanted to keep it, but she didn’t? He can’t force her to and force her to pay child support, is that fair?

PP here and I'm not sure why you read my comment as not sympathetic to the father. It's a tough situation for him and to continue my analogy if she continues driving into oncoming traffic it's going to get a lot worse for everyone. It sucks for him that all he can do is sit in the passenger seat and await the outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

OPs daughter, and no one, is a brood mare to provide children for the infertile. So stop. That people would like/need a baby is entirely irrelevant.

And, even if they went this route, you cannot guarantee that the adoptive home would be loving, stable, etc.

Oh, good grief. My last sentence is "Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision". There are many wonderful couples who long to give a baby a loving, stable home. No one is saying that a young woman (or man) should be forced to give up their baby, but adoption is absolutely a solid choice and it might be the best choice for all involved depending on the situation.

Calling a young woman who decides to place her baby for adoption a "brood mare" is just...so wrong. I can't believe you said that.

OP is looking out for her daughter. No one cares about your wonderful couples. They should find their own solution to their own problem, not latch onto vulnerable teenagers.

As part of watching out for her daughter's AND her future grandchild's well being, Op might discuss the option of placing the baby for adoption. It is weird that you are so insanely negative about adoption. Sometimes it really is the best decision for ALL involved and it is an option that the young parents of this baby should at least give some consideration to doing.