SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Well, that is half of the point. Anyone that is a SAHM with a kids older than 10 is likely to be wealthy. Hence, no need to work for an income and weighing the non-income benefits of working versus the demands of home and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Well, that is half of the point. Anyone that is a SAHM with a kids older than 10 is likely to be wealthy. Hence, no need to work for an income and weighing the non-income benefits of working versus the demands of home and kids.

How to say you're out of touch and ignorant without saying you are out of touch and ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No one is defensive about being a SAHM. SAHMs are attacked on DCUM precisely because they are well educated and rich. Being a SAHM in DCUM is a status signal. You do understand that this is a bloody expensive place and most people are working to pay bills?

As far as kids are concerned, I don't know about most people but for my DH and I, having kids was the biggest blessing of our lives. For me, my kids are a great example of superior nature and nurture. I sometime wonder if I had kids who had average intellect, plain looks and annoying temperament, would I have stayed at home? Would I have breastfed them as long as I did? I know for sure if they were like many other children who I see in their school ...heck I would have fed them rice cereal at birth so that I could leave them with a care giver and gone back to work without a pang of guilt.

It takes real cajones to argue on the one hand that your children are the result of superior nature and nurture and then to immediately turn around and say that if your kids were less attractive or intelligent, you would have fed them rice cereal instead of breastfeeding them and dumped them with a sitter so you could go back to work. And you seem to think you could ascertain a child's future attractiveness, intelligence, and personality within the first few months of life, too, which is.... deranged.

You think you're making an argument for your superior genetics but you are actually just demonstrating that you are an idiot (and a pretty terrible and unloving parent, to boot). Good work.

I am hoping that is someone trying to satirize DCUMs wealthy SAHMs, not someone who actually has contact with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Uhmm...it's free time. I do what other people do with their free time. Read, exercise, see friends, do some housework and gardening, etc.
DH and I also spend "date days" together sometimes if he has a day off during the week, and we just hang out in the house with no kids for hours.

My husband probably has considerably more free time to read, golf, and hang out with our older kids and his friends than he did when I was also working FT. When we were both working, we had to do all of the household stuff and kid stuff evenings and weekends, and when that was finished, we had to split any available leisure time in half. So, maybe he could go for a bike ride for a couple of hours, and I could go to get my hair cut. Neither of us really had close friends.

Very few women in DC have close friends who live in DC. I am convinced it’s because most couples are dual income. There isn’t time for friends.

I think this is true for both men and women. I have noticed in my own life that friends are the first thing to go when I feel overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

All the women in my family were SAHMs ( in the 90s) and not rich. Still they managed to fill their days while the kids were in school. They took care of the house, meals, shopping etc like the poster above, but no exercise classes, nail appointments or lunches out. They checked in on their elderly parents several times a week. They all volunteered at their kids' schools on an almost daily basis. They also brought in a little money by reselling garage sale finds (this was when the internet was young and people didn't know what their stuff was worth) and raising chickens for eggs. Their husbands knew their own lives would be much less cushy if their wives were at work all day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Wealthy or not, the PP doesn’t have her own money and she would be vulnerable in the case of divorce. Do you think her husband would want to pay alimony for a lifetime for an able- bodied brown woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Wealthy or not, the PP doesn’t have her own money and she would be vulnerable in the case of divorce. Do you think her husband would want to pay alimony for a lifetime for an able- bodied brown woman?

Doesn’t matter if he wants to or not. If they’ve been married a long time, she’ll get it. Plus half their assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Wealthy or not, the PP doesn’t have her own money and she would be vulnerable in the case of divorce. Do you think her husband would want to pay alimony for a lifetime for an able- bodied brown woman?

Doesn’t matter if he wants to or not. If they’ve been married a long time, she’ll get it. Plus half their assets.

Typo…not brown but grown. I don’t know any divorced SAHM who got lifetime alimony. Half the assets yes, but to be “maintained” like a mistress for a lifetime is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Wealthy or not, the PP doesn’t have her own money and she would be vulnerable in the case of divorce. Do you think her husband would want to pay alimony for a lifetime for an able- bodied brown woman?

Doesn’t matter if he wants to or not. If they’ve been married a long time, she’ll get it. Plus half their assets.

Typo…not brown but grown. I don’t know any divorced SAHM who got lifetime alimony. Half the assets yes, but to be “maintained” like a mistress for a lifetime is laughable.

If she has a good lawyer, and they were married a long time, yes she will get alimony. The few former SAHMs I know that divorced wealthy men after 15+ yrs of marriage are doing just fine financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Wealthy or not, the PP doesn’t have her own money and she would be vulnerable in the case of divorce. Do you think her husband would want to pay alimony for a lifetime for an able- bodied brown woman?

Doesn’t matter if he wants to or not. If they’ve been married a long time, she’ll get it. Plus half their assets.

Typo…not brown but grown. I don’t know any divorced SAHM who got lifetime alimony. Half the assets yes, but to be “maintained” like a mistress for a lifetime is laughable.

If she has a good lawyer, and they were married a long time, yes she will get alimony. The few former SAHMs I know that divorced wealthy men after 15+ yrs of marriage are doing just fine financially.

DP. How is half of what you used to have access to doing fine financially?

[Anonymous]

Is OP planning on getting a job when the last kid is finally out of the house in a few years? If not, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Well, what kinds of things do you do on the weekends? Start there. I clean the house, run errands, go to the grocery store, prep meals, tidy up after kids, organize their wardrobes, do laundry, etc.

I work on obedience training our dog, organize our photos, spend some time on social media (including wasting time on DCUM clearly lol), go to exercise classes, take my dog on long walks while listening to podcasts. My husband and I do a lunch date once a week. Some weeks I meet up with my mom for lunch. I go to coffee with a group of friends after our barre class once a week. I do the usual personal upkeep stuff - hair, nails, bikini wax, occasionally a massage or facial. I occasionally go shopping with a friend or on my own. I read a lot and I'm in a book group. Before the pandemic, I volunteered in the kids' schools. Recently I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

My husband is semi retired. In the winter, we go skiing once a week. In the spring and fall we play tennis together. We love to travel and we do it as much as we can. I research and plan all of our trips (6-7 including long weekends).

Our afternoons are very busy because our kids are busy. I pick up the kids from school twice a week to get them to the tutor on time and I facilitate stuff with the tutor. I take the kids to their activities. Some I have to stay for. I usually take them to the library once a week to return and pick up new books. Then back home for dinner, homework, showers, bedtime routine.

Weekends we like to keep free so we can do fun stuff with the kids. Outings to their games, kid friendly museums, the zoo or aquarium, hikes, skiing in the winter, etc. Church on Sunday, brunch after with my in laws, and we have game night every Sunday night.

IDK, it feels like a nice life to me. It's privileged for sure, I admit that. Raising our kids to be good people gives me a sense of purpose. Noticing and appreciating life's little moments gives me meaning.

Sounds like you are rich (what with the constant lunches out, skiing and tennis, semi retired husband, etc.). Nice for you I guess but far from reality for most people.

Wealthy or not, the PP doesn’t have her own money and she would be vulnerable in the case of divorce. Do you think her husband would want to pay alimony for a lifetime for an able- bodied brown woman?

Doesn’t matter if he wants to or not. If they’ve been married a long time, she’ll get it. Plus half their assets.

Typo…not brown but grown. I don’t know any divorced SAHM who got lifetime alimony. Half the assets yes, but to be “maintained” like a mistress for a lifetime is laughable.

If she has a good lawyer, and they were married a long time, yes she will get alimony. The few former SAHMs I know that divorced wealthy men after 15+ yrs of marriage are doing just fine financially.

What if their ex dies? Their cash cow will be gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is OP planning on getting a job when the last kid is finally out of the house in a few years? If not, why not?

What job is she really going to get after 18 years out of the workforce? Even if she had a career before it's unlikely she's kept up with current trends and certifications etc. She's looking at a daycare assistant, retail cashier, or nanny. Perfectly fine jobs/careers but I doubt it's what her DH has in mind. In addition to that, she'll be the late 40s or even 50s, and age discrimination is a sad reality.

[Anonymous]

My husband persuaded me rather than other way around. I wanted a big job and individual identity. However our children had/ have special needs and would not thrive without lots of supports and advocacy, when the youngest is in college, i hope to return to
Grad School and a late in life vocation even if it is volunteer.

We are not wealthy but stable. We make choices to support our family as a whole - balancing pros and cons of being a single income family will be different for every family.