Opening presents during a birthday party versus after

[Anonymous]

Ever since our kids were little, if we host a birthday party, the kids open them after their guests are gone. Thank you notes are written, etc. etc.

Now my kids are in ES and we're starting to see more parties where kids sit and watch the birthday girl open presents in their presence. Thank yous are meted out right there; some follow up with cards, some do not.

I'm not hung up on the thank yous. But I'm surprised by the present-opening during the party. Is this just an individual family preference/custom or does it get more prevalent as kids get older and are more likely to behave appropriately even if they're disappointed by a gift?

[Anonymous]

In the West, presents are traditionally opened in front of the giver, despite the custom of party places with busy schedules to dump all gifts into a plastic bag, to be opened later, not on their time. In other places, like Japan, gifts are not opened in front of the giver.

My 9 year old DS just had a home birthday party and at the end of it opened his gifts, showed more enthusiasm for some, but thanked all his guests sincerely. He will also write thank you notes.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 9 and I still don't see kids open their presents at parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In the West, presents are traditionally opened in front of the giver, despite the custom of party places with busy schedules to dump all gifts into a plastic bag, to be opened later, not on their time. In other places, like Japan, gifts are not opened in front of the giver.

My 9 year old DS just had a home birthday party and at the end of it opened his gifts, showed more enthusiasm for some, but thanked all his guests sincerely. He will also write thank you notes.

By the West do you mean California/Oregon/Washington? I.e., the West Coast?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the West, presents are traditionally opened in front of the giver, despite the custom of party places with busy schedules to dump all gifts into a plastic bag, to be opened later, not on their time. In other places, like Japan, gifts are not opened in front of the giver.

My 9 year old DS just had a home birthday party and at the end of it opened his gifts, showed more enthusiasm for some, but thanked all his guests sincerely. He will also write thank you notes.

By the West do you mean California/Oregon/Washington? I.e., the West Coast?

Haha! No, I meant European countries and the US, vs. some countries in Asia like Japan or Vietnam. I have lived/given/received gifts in all these places, and it is important to be aware of the culture and not do a faux-pas. Of course for a kids' party it's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In the West, presents are traditionally opened in front of the giver, despite the custom of party places with busy schedules to dump all gifts into a plastic bag, to be opened later, not on their time. In other places, like Japan, gifts are not opened in front of the giver.

My 9 year old DS just had a home birthday party and at the end of it opened his gifts, showed more enthusiasm for some, but thanked all his guests sincerely. He will also write thank you notes.

TACKY!

[Anonymous]

I think you need to understand your motivation for hosting the party. Do you want the focus to be more on the guests (kids) or do you want more focus on the birthday child? If on the guests, don't open gifts (exception is usually girl parties, they like to see the gifts opened) and allow the kids the maxium time to play. If focus on the birthday child, have the guests sit around and watch the child open gifts for 25 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Please don't get me started on this. It is a REALLY big pet peeve of mine. Birthday parties are supposed to be about the birthday child but in this area it is about the kids coming to the party. People invite kids they aren't even close with, sometimes up to 20-30 people for kids as young as 5. Entertain them, give them tons of food and send them home with bags of goodies that cost at least $5 sometimes $10 of stuff. There is a focus on the child for 10 seconds to sing happy birthday and then off everyone leaves. You are hundreds of dollars out and half the time the birthday kid is overwhelmed.

I have house parties and while we do entertain and have fun things, I also make sure my children open every birthday present and thank their friends individually. It teaches kids watching patience, value of a gift making someone happy, and sense of self worth. It teaches the birthday child manners, appreciation, and friendship fulfillment. Many of these qualities are missing at these parties.

My rules for house parties. Child limit is no more than double their age. My 4yr old had 6 people for a Princess Tea Party this year, my 7yr old had 12 for his carnival themed party, and my 12yr old had 21 for her olympic games party. To her defense, she switched schools this past year and had about 10 close friends from each. I think my limit should be under 20 though

Once the number of kids get over 10, we do present games to keep everyone interested. Guess one thing besides your gift the child will get. Put it on a scrap of paper and if he opens it, you show me your slip and you get a little prize (2 hershey kisses.) The 7yr old boys LOVED that this year.

My older daughter did present BINGO. The board was 3x3 and it had options for gifts. Options were visa gift card, food item, store gift card, accessories, locker item, clothing, sport item, wrapping paper with red in it, gift bag. Each card was different. It was fun! I based it on years of gifts her friends tend to give her.

Anyway, the kids love it and they look forward to our house parties. My kids get very into planning and we do fun crazy games. Cost never goes above $100 except for the last one for my 12yr old.

We also do NOT do party bags. We burn CD's with the child's favorite 10-15 songs of the year. Cheap, fun and not a waste. Younger kids listen to them in the car, older kids burn them into their iPod.

[Anonymous]

pp, you protest too much. your "house parties" sound more elaborate and overwhelming than a destination theme. Really? 12 kids at a carnival-themed party?

I would just say that you have it backwards. One important lessons is to be a gracious host and think of your guests. Putting your child on a pedestal for their birthday? I disagree.

Same with the gift bags. Those CDs -- the license for distributing those must be more than a gift bag, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the West, presents are traditionally opened in front of the giver, despite the custom of party places with busy schedules to dump all gifts into a plastic bag, to be opened later, not on their time. In other places, like Japan, gifts are not opened in front of the giver.

My 9 year old DS just had a home birthday party and at the end of it opened his gifts, showed more enthusiasm for some, but thanked all his guests sincerely. He will also write thank you notes.

TACKY!

Not the PP but what is tacky about that?? I think it is tacky when a parent rips the present from my child's hand and throws it in a trash bag with the others never to be seen again. Half the time she gets a thank you note, half the time she doesn't. Buying gifts for people isn't even fun anymore. That is why you hear so many people re-gifting. They invite people that don't even know the child and there is no thought that went into a present.

Your form of tacky is a lot different than mine.

[Anonymous]

Funny you mentioned this. My oldest is on kindergarten and I was shocked how many invitations she received and how many people invite the whole class. I stuck with just close friends and we did open gifts. It was cute for her and the little girls handing them and saying "open mine!, open mine!" So I was nervous trying it but it worked out much better than I thought.

[Anonymous]

Tacky to open in front of all. Some parents cannot afford the latest or best gift. All the practice in the world will not make the birthday child as enthusiastic about opening that gift. Also, let's be blunt. Who wants to sit around and watch someone else open gifts. This isn't a hen party baby shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP but what is tacky about that?? I think it is tacky when a parent rips the present from my child's hand and throws it in a trash bag with the others never to be seen again. Half the time she gets a thank you note, half the time she doesn't. Buying gifts for people isn't even fun anymore. That is why you hear so many people re-gifting. They invite people that don't even know the child and there is no thought that went into a present.

Your form of tacky is a lot different than mine.

Wow, they really RIP the gift from your child's hands & THROW it?

[Anonymous]

My DD is in 5th grade and we still open presents after and I think all her friends do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pp, you protest too much. your "house parties" sound more elaborate and overwhelming than a destination theme. Really? 12 kids at a carnival-themed party?

I would just say that you have it backwards. One important lessons is to be a gracious host and think of your guests. Putting your child on a pedestal for their birthday? I disagree.

Same with the gift bags. Those CDs -- the license for distributing those must be more than a gift bag, right?

I agree. No one wants to watch your snowflake open gifts. Seriously. You're delusional.