Opening presents during a birthday party versus after

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pp, you protest too much. your "house parties" sound more elaborate and overwhelming than a destination theme. Really? 12 kids at a carnival-themed party?

I would just say that you have it backwards. One important lessons is to be a gracious host and think of your guests. Putting your child on a pedestal for their birthday? I disagree.

Same with the gift bags. Those CDs -- the license for distributing those must be more than a gift bag, right?

I agree. No one wants to watch your snowflake open gifts. Seriously. You're delusional.

Also the bingo thing is extremely weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to open in front of all. Some parents cannot afford the latest or best gift. All the practice in the world will not make the birthday child as enthusiastic about opening that gift. Also, let's be blunt. Who wants to sit around and watch someone else open gifts. This isn't a hen party baby shower.

Like I said, your form of tacky is different than mine. And my child doesn't know what the latest and greatest is. She is 8 and is happy with the things she gets and has the manners to open them and say thank you. We also still send thank you cards too. Not my problem your kid is only interested in certain gifts and must act like an ass when he/she opens them. I don't blame you for waiting until he/she is all alone. I guess they can just sit there and complain about who gave them the better present?? Classy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever since our kids were little, if we host a birthday party, the kids open them after their guests are gone. Thank you notes are written, etc. etc.

Now my kids are in ES and we're starting to see more parties where kids sit and watch the birthday girl open presents in their presence. Thank yous are meted out right there; some follow up with cards, some do not.

I'm not hung up on the thank yous. But I'm surprised by the present-opening during the party. Is this just an individual family preference/custom or does it get more prevalent as kids get older and are more likely to behave appropriately even if they're disappointed by a gift?

Do you mean they hand you a thank you there or just say thank you? We open gifts in front but still mail out thank you cards. I see a mix. Open and no thank yous, not open and thank yous, even not open and no thank yous. I guess it just depends on the type of the party and how many people. I would ask your child. It is their birthday party after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't get me started on this. It is a REALLY big pet peeve of mine. Birthday parties are supposed to be about the birthday child but in this area it is about the kids coming to the party. People invite kids they aren't even close with, sometimes up to 20-30 people for kids as young as 5. Entertain them, give them tons of food and send them home with bags of goodies that cost at least $5 sometimes $10 of stuff. There is a focus on the child for 10 seconds to sing happy birthday and then off everyone leaves. You are hundreds of dollars out and half the time the birthday kid is overwhelmed.

I have house parties and while we do entertain and have fun things, I also make sure my children open every birthday present and thank their friends individually. It teaches kids watching patience, value of a gift making someone happy, and sense of self worth. It teaches the birthday child manners, appreciation, and friendship fulfillment. Many of these qualities are missing at these parties.

My rules for house parties. Child limit is no more than double their age. My 4yr old had 6 people for a Princess Tea Party this year, my 7yr old had 12 for his carnival themed party, and my 12yr old had 21 for her olympic games party. To her defense, she switched schools this past year and had about 10 close friends from each. I think my limit should be under 20 though

Once the number of kids get over 10, we do present games to keep everyone interested. Guess one thing besides your gift the child will get. Put it on a scrap of paper and if he opens it, you show me your slip and you get a little prize (2 hershey kisses.) The 7yr old boys LOVED that this year.

My older daughter did present BINGO. The board was 3x3 and it had options for gifts. Options were visa gift card, food item, store gift card, accessories, locker item, clothing, sport item, wrapping paper with red in it, gift bag. Each card was different. It was fun! I based it on years of gifts her friends tend to give her.

Anyway, the kids love it and they look forward to our house parties. My kids get very into planning and we do fun crazy games. Cost never goes above $100 except for the last one for my 12yr old.

We also do NOT do party bags. We burn CD's with the child's favorite 10-15 songs of the year. Cheap, fun and not a waste. Younger kids listen to them in the car, older kids burn them into their iPod.

Your way doesn't sound any more about the birthday than destination party. In fact, it sounds even more obnoxious and over the top.

As for opening gifts, my daughter is 10 and yes, the opening of gifts is being done more often because the parties are much smaller.

[Anonymous]

My dd is 11 and her friends open gifts at parties. The girls are very involved in picking out the gifts for their friends and all enjoy seeing what was given. Same goes for our ds who is 9. We even opened gifts at my 6 yr old ds bowling party this year. The boys loved it and it only took 15 min. We make a point of taking a picture of the birthday kid and the gift giver after each gift is opened. This helps keep the other kids moving around and makes for a great Thank you note sent after the party.

We tend to have smaller parties with 10 or less guests which make this more manageable. Teaching kids to be gracious is important. So is teaching them that when they go to a party they are there to celebrate someone elses birthday and that child will be getting the gifts.

[Anonymous]

My son is in 2nd grade and just attended a party last week with no gift opening. As we left he said "I wanted to see him open his present" and was quite disappointed.
I think at some point it is good for kids to see others opening gifts and see the pleasure the gift giving brings to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the West, presents are traditionally opened in front of the giver, despite the custom of party places with busy schedules to dump all gifts into a plastic bag, to be opened later, not on their time. In other places, like Japan, gifts are not opened in front of the giver.

My 9 year old DS just had a home birthday party and at the end of it opened his gifts, showed more enthusiasm for some, but thanked all his guests sincerely. He will also write thank you notes.

TACKY!

I'm the PP you quoted. In your culture, perhaps. In ours, it's actually polite. My Asian family would NEVER open gifts in front of us. My European family would never NOT open gifts in front of us. Do what is right for you, and respect the traditions of others please. Etiquette is all about making others feel comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Every party I attended growing up had gifts opened at the party.

The opposite seems to be the custom in my kid's circle of friends here, so now we open gifts after and make sure to send a thank you note with a picture.

I think the most important thing is to do what is most commonly accepted in your culture or social circle so you don't make your guests feel awkward if they were expecting one thing and you did another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to open in front of all. Some parents cannot afford the latest or best gift. All the practice in the world will not make the birthday child as enthusiastic about opening that gift. Also, let's be blunt. Who wants to sit around and watch someone else open gifts. This isn't a hen party baby shower.

Whatever. When I was a kid, presents were opened during the party. I can't think of a time when it was otherwise. I suspect putting them aside for later is a practice that has sprung up in recent years.

[Anonymous]

My kid is always disappointed when the gifts aren't opened because she either picked it out herself or had a good bit of say about what we brought. But following with what everyone in our circle seems to do, we don't open at the party.

Growing up we always opened at the party, but my mother always limited my parties to 8 or fewer kids, so it wasn't a marathon opening session and for years almost every gift was one of those trolls with the wild hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tacky to open in front of all. Some parents cannot afford the latest or best gift. All the practice in the world will not make the birthday child as enthusiastic about opening that gift. Also, let's be blunt. Who wants to sit around and watch someone else open gifts. This isn't a hen party baby shower.

Like I said, your form of tacky is different than mine. And my child doesn't know what the latest and greatest is. She is 8 and is happy with the things she gets and has the manners to open them and say thank you. We also still send thank you cards too. Not my problem your kid is only interested in certain gifts and must act like an ass when he/she opens them. I don't blame you for waiting until he/she is all alone. I guess they can just sit there and complain about who gave them the better present?? Classy.

Only child?

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hijack the thread, but I have one question. In "no gifts" parties, do people send thank you cards for attending even if no gifts were received? I'm not from the US, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every party I attended growing up had gifts opened at the party.

The opposite seems to be the custom in my kid's circle of friends here, so now we open gifts after and make sure to send a thank you note with a picture.

I think the most important thing is to do what is most commonly accepted in your culture or social circle so you don't make your guests feel awkward if they were expecting one thing and you did another.

+1

I wonder if it is regional or era. FWIW, I grew up in Chicago and am 42. As early as nursery school we opened gifts at the party in front of guests. I think it was generally between lunch (or dinner when we were older) and cake.

The requirement of many schools to invite the whole class (or all of one gender) is probably a contributing factor, too. Almost all parties when we were kids were held in homes and only for a reasonable number of kids.

[Anonymous]

Indian parent here. We do not open presents at birthday parties. In my culture it is considered tacky. Mainly because it puts emphasis on my own child and the gifts he got vs. showing appreciation to the fact that guests took time off from their day to participate in the birthday.

My child's gift is that he got a fabulous party, apart from that, he needs to be a good host, making sure that his friends are enjoying the party.

We always include parents and siblings, provide ample food and drink, pay for some kind of entertainment show, have more party games planned than we will need, have prizes and include goody bags and balloons. There is so much to do at the party and the kids enjoy playing so much that none of the kids are ever clamoring for the gifts to be opened. Opening gifts is not entertainment for other kids.

The years when I did not have the energy, time or the money to host such a party, I did not. A few close friends were invited for take out dinner and cake, without being informed that we were celebrating my kid's birthday. They got presents from parents and family.

When they were a bit grown up - they wanted to take their friends for lunch and movies etc. - and that is what we did. They still did not open the gifts, but send thank you cards with a personal note.

It is tacky, in my opinion. I have accepted this from non-Indians, chalking it up on cultural differences. I know that I will judge other Indians who open gifts as being uncouth.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's the socioeconomic level of the area you grew up in. I grew up in a rural community in the rust belt were lotsof people struggled. If you were lucky enough to have a party, you never opened gifts in front of guests because you didn't want to invite comparison of gifts - and gifts weren't expected (although much appreciated). Some kids weren't able to give gifts and no one wanted to embarass them about it.