DH called our nanny hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

You act like OP's husband and his best friend spent hours discussing, objectifying, and researching OP's nanny. Instead, an offhand comment about how the nanny is hot was said. I honestly don't know how you people manage to function in the real world, with as spun up about this as you're getting.

I function just fine, thanks.

And I’m not acting like I think these people were dissecting this woman’s looks for hours. I responded to the OP exactly how it was written. I don’t know why you are reading so much into my comment.

No, you said there was a "group of people" that were "discussing the appearance" of the nanny. OP's husband saying the nanny is hot to his best friend isn't what happened. You seriously don't think it's different than saying that someone would be great in bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

Yes. The nanny’s job prospects are not OP’s problem.

Yes, you should definitely fire anyone who makes you feel insecure.

OP needs to work on her self esteem, not fire the nanny, who is probably the only well adjusted one in the bunch.

If you are overly attractive, 28, and a nanny- I would venture you are not well adjusted

Genuinely curious - why is the nanny not well adjusted?

Not me personally no but i can see why it would be a good choice with someone with a nurturing kind personality who genuinely loves children.

Would being a nanny be your career of choice at 28?

I can’t. Any job with benefits dealing with kids would be a better choice

Our nanny has health insurance, a retirement account, and a phone stipend, in addition to being reimbursed for mileage. She's 28, attractive, and loves kids. I think most of you people have never had a nanny.

Do you provide her health insurance and contribute to her retirement account?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

Yes. The nanny’s job prospects are not OP’s problem.

Yes, you should definitely fire anyone who makes you feel insecure.

OP needs to work on her self esteem, not fire the nanny, who is probably the only well adjusted one in the bunch.

If you are overly attractive, 28, and a nanny- I would venture you are not well adjusted

Genuinely curious - why is the nanny not well adjusted?

Not me personally no but i can see why it would be a good choice with someone with a nurturing kind personality who genuinely loves children.

Would being a nanny be your career of choice at 28?

I can’t. Any job with benefits dealing with kids would be a better choice

Our nanny has health insurance, a retirement account, and a phone stipend, in addition to being reimbursed for mileage. She's 28, attractive, and loves kids. I think most of you people have never had a nanny.

Do you provide her health insurance and contribute to her retirement account?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

You act like OP's husband and his best friend spent hours discussing, objectifying, and researching OP's nanny. Instead, an offhand comment about how the nanny is hot was said. I honestly don't know how you people manage to function in the real world, with as spun up about this as you're getting.

I function just fine, thanks.

And I’m not acting like I think these people were dissecting this woman’s looks for hours. I responded to the OP exactly how it was written. I don’t know why you are reading so much into my comment.

No, you said there was a "group of people" that were "discussing the appearance" of the nanny. OP's husband saying the nanny is hot to his best friend isn't what happened. You seriously don't think it's different than saying that someone would be great in bed?

Okay fair. If you had looked at my other comments, you would have seen that somebody pointed out my error and I still feel the same way: two older married guys commenting the sexual attractiveness of one of their nannies is just icky to me. So I still feel the same way. And I do think it is different from saying how good they would be in bed but only to a degree and not by much. The term “hot” in reference to a person specifically refers to their sexual desirability.

I don’t think this is the worst thing in the world but I definitely don’t think it’s completely appropriate as a lot of these commenters do. Again, sitting around with friends discussing the sexual appeal of our employees just isn’t my jam.

[Anonymous]

One of my DH's friends/colleagues texted him when he saw our then-new nanny out with our kids about how hot our nanny was. DH told me about the text, but didn't mention his reply... but I have no doubt he agreed. She is hot. If you're insecure enough for it to bother you or if you actually have a potential DH problem, don't hire a hot nanny. It didn't bother me because my DH is not going to have an affair with the nanny, and I'm not particularly insecure. But if it does bother you, you either need to get over it or let her go... you can't just let it fester indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my DH's friends/colleagues texted him when he saw our then-new nanny out with our kids about how hot our nanny was. DH told me about the text, but didn't mention his reply... but I have no doubt he agreed. She is hot. If you're insecure enough for it to bother you or if you actually have a potential DH problem, don't hire a hot nanny. It didn't bother me because my DH is not going to have an affair with the nanny, and I'm not particularly insecure. But if it does bother you, you either need to get over it or let her go... you can't just let it fester indefinitely.

Honestly, how do you know your husband won't have an affair with the nanny? I can see your point about not letting it affect you but potential for cheating isn't something you know.

[Anonymous]

Let’s look at this another way. Lots of women replying to this thread claim they are very secure in their relationships with their husband and have healthy self-esteem, so this comment wouldn’t bother them in the slightest. Fine, that’s totally fair. What is NOT fair is to refuse to acknowledge that not everyone is as secure in their sexual desirability to their spouse as you are (and really, we all have stuff we feel insecure about). Feeling insecure is not some moral failing, nor is it indicative of poor character or being pathetic or any other insult some of you have hurled. Insecurity is part of human nature just as much as sexual attraction is.

That being said, OP is clearly insecure about this comment, which indicates she is most likely inclined to feeling insecure about her relationship and/or her own attractiveness. And do you know who should have known this about her? HER HUSBAND. He could maybe have stopped to think “you know, I really love Larla but I know she’s feeling down about her recent weight gain/age/whatever, so I probably shouldn’t go around commenting on how hot the nanny is, because if larla heard that she’d probably feel really down...”

Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s look at this another way. Lots of women replying to this thread claim they are very secure in their relationships with their husband and have healthy self-esteem, so this comment wouldn’t bother them in the slightest. Fine, that’s totally fair. What is NOT fair is to refuse to acknowledge that not everyone is as secure in their sexual desirability to their spouse as you are (and really, we all have stuff we feel insecure about). Feeling insecure is not some moral failing, nor is it indicative of poor character or being pathetic or any other insult some of you have hurled. Insecurity is part of human nature just as much as sexual attraction is.

That being said, OP is clearly insecure about this comment, which indicates she is most likely inclined to feeling insecure about her relationship and/or her own attractiveness. And do you know who should have known this about her? HER HUSBAND. He could maybe have stopped to think “you know, I really love Larla but I know she’s feeling down about her recent weight gain/age/whatever, so I probably shouldn’t go around commenting on how hot the nanny is, because if larla heard that she’d probably feel really down...”

Just a thought.

+1. Thank you for saying that. I love my DH and we have a stable loving marriage. I, however, am not secure enough in my own body image to have this type of situation in my house, which is why I would never hire a hot nanny. While office employment is another matter, I would never invite someone into my home who would cause issues. So many women on here saying it's not the nanny's fault, which is true, but it is my home and sanctuary. I need it to be a place where I can be comfortable so I'll only invite people here who I can be comfortable and at ease with. This would never come up anyway as I've never considered hiring anyone under the age of 40 or childless to take care of the kids. Just personal preference for other mothers to take care of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s look at this another way. Lots of women replying to this thread claim they are very secure in their relationships with their husband and have healthy self-esteem, so this comment wouldn’t bother them in the slightest. Fine, that’s totally fair. What is NOT fair is to refuse to acknowledge that not everyone is as secure in their sexual desirability to their spouse as you are (and really, we all have stuff we feel insecure about). Feeling insecure is not some moral failing, nor is it indicative of poor character or being pathetic or any other insult some of you have hurled. Insecurity is part of human nature just as much as sexual attraction is.

That being said, OP is clearly insecure about this comment, which indicates she is most likely inclined to feeling insecure about her relationship and/or her own attractiveness. And do you know who should have known this about her? HER HUSBAND. He could maybe have stopped to think “you know, I really love Larla but I know she’s feeling down about her recent weight gain/age/whatever, so I probably shouldn’t go around commenting on how hot the nanny is, because if larla heard that she’d probably feel really down...”

Just a thought.

I love this comment!

[Anonymous]

Insecure and petty boss fires nanny because she’s pretty. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insecure and petty boss fires nanny because she’s pretty. Wow.

Did OP even mention during the nanny? Pretty sure she did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s look at this another way. Lots of women replying to this thread claim they are very secure in their relationships with their husband and have healthy self-esteem, so this comment wouldn’t bother them in the slightest. Fine, that’s totally fair. What is NOT fair is to refuse to acknowledge that not everyone is as secure in their sexual desirability to their spouse as you are (and really, we all have stuff we feel insecure about). Feeling insecure is not some moral failing, nor is it indicative of poor character or being pathetic or any other insult some of you have hurled. Insecurity is part of human nature just as much as sexual attraction is.

That being said, OP is clearly insecure about this comment, which indicates she is most likely inclined to feeling insecure about her relationship and/or her own attractiveness. And do you know who should have known this about her? HER HUSBAND. He could maybe have stopped to think “you know, I really love Larla but I know she’s feeling down about her recent weight gain/age/whatever, so I probably shouldn’t go around commenting on how hot the nanny is, because if larla heard that she’d probably feel really down...”

Just a thought.

+1. Thank you for saying that. I love my DH and we have a stable loving marriage. I, however, am not secure enough in my own body image to have this type of situation in my house, which is why I would never hire a hot nanny. While office employment is another matter, I would never invite someone into my home who would cause issues. So many women on here saying it's not the nanny's fault, which is true, but it is my home and sanctuary. I need it to be a place where I can be comfortable so I'll only invite people here who I can be comfortable and at ease with. This would never come up anyway as I've never considered hiring anyone under the age of 40 or childless to take care of the kids. Just personal preference for other mothers to take care of kids.

So you can ding a candidate because she is good looking, in your view. Would you feel the same if someone refused to hire a nanny because she is ugly? If not, and I hope not, then it all comes down to insecurities. Say whatever nonsense you want about your home being a sanctuary for your insecurities, it strikes me as pretty crappy to refuse to hire someone based on looks.

Also, I strongly suspect that the office is not a different matter for you, and that your insecurities probably intrude there, too. In fact, unless the nanny is living at your house, your DH probably spends more time with the hot secretary than a hot nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s look at this another way. Lots of women replying to this thread claim they are very secure in their relationships with their husband and have healthy self-esteem, so this comment wouldn’t bother them in the slightest. Fine, that’s totally fair. What is NOT fair is to refuse to acknowledge that not everyone is as secure in their sexual desirability to their spouse as you are (and really, we all have stuff we feel insecure about). Feeling insecure is not some moral failing, nor is it indicative of poor character or being pathetic or any other insult some of you have hurled. Insecurity is part of human nature just as much as sexual attraction is.

That being said, OP is clearly insecure about this comment, which indicates she is most likely inclined to feeling insecure about her relationship and/or her own attractiveness. And do you know who should have known this about her? HER HUSBAND. He could maybe have stopped to think “you know, I really love Larla but I know she’s feeling down about her recent weight gain/age/whatever, so I probably shouldn’t go around commenting on how hot the nanny is, because if larla heard that she’d probably feel really down...”

Just a thought.

+1. Thank you for saying that. I love my DH and we have a stable loving marriage. I, however, am not secure enough in my own body image to have this type of situation in my house, which is why I would never hire a hot nanny. While office employment is another matter, I would never invite someone into my home who would cause issues. So many women on here saying it's not the nanny's fault, which is true, but it is my home and sanctuary. I need it to be a place where I can be comfortable so I'll only invite people here who I can be comfortable and at ease with. This would never come up anyway as I've never considered hiring anyone under the age of 40 or childless to take care of the kids. Just personal preference for other mothers to take care of kids.

So you can ding a candidate because she is good looking, in your view. Would you feel the same if someone refused to hire a nanny because she is ugly? If not, and I hope not, then it all comes down to insecurities. Say whatever nonsense you want about your home being a sanctuary for your insecurities, it strikes me as pretty crappy to refuse to hire someone based on looks.

Also, I strongly suspect that the office is not a different matter for you, and that your insecurities probably intrude there, too. In fact, unless the nanny is living at your house, your DH probably spends more time with the hot secretary than a hot nanny.

People get hired or passed over all the time for positions at all levels based on their attractiveness, to some degree. Of course no one out right admits this but we all know it. Let’s not pretend looks is never factored in to getting a job- or not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

You act like OP's husband and his best friend spent hours discussing, objectifying, and researching OP's nanny. Instead, an offhand comment about how the nanny is hot was said. I honestly don't know how you people manage to function in the real world, with as spun up about this as you're getting.

I function just fine, thanks.

And I’m not acting like I think these people were dissecting this woman’s looks for hours. I responded to the OP exactly how it was written. I don’t know why you are reading so much into my comment.

No, you said there was a "group of people" that were "discussing the appearance" of the nanny. OP's husband saying the nanny is hot to his best friend isn't what happened. You seriously don't think it's different than saying that someone would be great in bed?

Okay fair. If you had looked at my other comments, you would have seen that somebody pointed out my error and I still feel the same way: two older married guys commenting the sexual attractiveness of one of their nannies is just icky to me. So I still feel the same way. And I do think it is different from saying how good they would be in bed but only to a degree and not by much. The term “hot” in reference to a person specifically refers to their sexual desirability.

I don’t think this is the worst thing in the world but I definitely don’t think it’s completely appropriate as a lot of these commenters do. Again, sitting around with friends discussing the sexual appeal of our employees just isn’t my jam.

I can comment on another woman being hot but I am in no way sexually attracted to her. You are putting WAY too much stake in your feeling for the word. Remember Paris Hilton's "that's hot"? The word is not always used with the scientific precision you are assuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the comments but am chiming as a 36 year old mother of 4 with a objectively hot, dancer/actress nanny who is late twenties and a very sexual husband.

She is a great nanny to our kids and they love her. I’m sure my husband looks at her amazing butt from time to time, but I trust him 100% and wouldn’t have had all these kids with him or hiring a younger hot nanny if I didn’t trust him.

Also, if the tables were turned it would be totally normal for my besties and I to mention the hot lawn guy or pool boy or whatever to each other. I don’t see the issue in this as long as there is no action or much disrespectful talk. We are humans, we have eyes!

Just my opinion but I am confident in my sex life and my intuition.

This is the most sane comment on the whole thread.

+1

Poster of the comment here. Thank you. I will take a bow now !