Told the wife she has no right to demand an answer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, what I'm hearing is that there are a lot of men out there who are angry that they aren't getting laid on demand and thought that was part of the marriage contract? Interesting. I think if you go into it with this attitude, you will most assuredly wind up in a sexless marriage (this is not directed at the OP).

OP, I think you said there is a known issue that caused this but that it can't be resolved. What is it? A medical issue? A past trauma? Did you ever have a fulfilling sex life together (from your standpoint)?

Where have you read any angry men expecting sex on demand? Not really, just maybe twice per see would do the job. Fortunately, as you have pointed out, there is no marriage contact per se, and we need not worry about meaningless stuff like forsaking all others. The great thing about this approach to marital bliss is that any guy in decent shape can easily find a hotter/younger/thinner woman who actually wants sex.

Lol!! This has to be the most hilariously stupid statement of this thread.

Not really. I found a woman two years older than my wife and she’s in better shape and she’s very sexy. And the sexy is absolutely amazing

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you man. I don't know how you do it. I can related to a certain degree but not to the extreme.

I work from home and am mainly the go to parent most days/nights. My DW spends long hours at work and tries to prioritize our kids as best as she can. Our communication could be better. I built resentment over time for a variety of different issues and we did counseling too. Like you, some was together, some was apart (for me, not her). I am higher drive and she is lower drive. I don't want to step out on my marriage and my kids but I do want sex so what's a guy to do? The options just really suck out there.

Not sure I have much for you but here's what I think...you posted this on an anonymous forum not only to gauge if you are being reasonable on your approach with your DW, you are probably looking for hope in your marriage. You are discouraged and tired. You want things to change but you know your DW isn't willing to do things to make things better for you in your marriage (work less, more sex, etc). So you're making a change - spending more you time to fill that hole that is left by your DW.

The only advice I have for you, and I would be interested to know what you think, is to change your perspective on your DW. Treat her like a queen. Don't treat her as you think she deserves but give her what she doesn't deserve - patience, kindness, and encouragement. Pursue her with these good things. The difficulty will be changing your attitude and your mindset to do this. I don't have any secrets here but if you make it a point to do it, your feelings will soon follow. You will go from a vicious cycle to a virtuous cycle because inevitably, she will respond positively. Maybe not as positive as you may want but something small is better than nothing at all.

I wish the best for you and hope you find the hope that you are looking for. By the way, I would not recommend the above if I didn't do it myself. My marriage is certainly not perfect but it's better today than it was before and that's because I took my own advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you man. I don't know how you do it. I can related to a certain degree but not to the extreme.

I work from home and am mainly the go to parent most days/nights. My DW spends long hours at work and tries to prioritize our kids as best as she can. Our communication could be better. I built resentment over time for a variety of different issues and we did counseling too. Like you, some was together, some was apart (for me, not her). I am higher drive and she is lower drive. I don't want to step out on my marriage and my kids but I do want sex so what's a guy to do? The options just really suck out there.

Not sure I have much for you but here's what I think...you posted this on an anonymous forum not only to gauge if you are being reasonable on your approach with your DW, you are probably looking for hope in your marriage. You are discouraged and tired. You want things to change but you know your DW isn't willing to do things to make things better for you in your marriage (work less, more sex, etc). So you're making a change - spending more you time to fill that hole that is left by your DW.

The only advice I have for you, and I would be interested to know what you think, is to change your perspective on your DW. Treat her like a queen. Don't treat her as you think she deserves but give her what she doesn't deserve - patience, kindness, and encouragement. Pursue her with these good things. The difficulty will be changing your attitude and your mindset to do this. I don't have any secrets here but if you make it a point to do it, your feelings will soon follow. You will go from a vicious cycle to a virtuous cycle because inevitably, she will respond positively. Maybe not as positive as you may want but something small is better than nothing at all.

I wish the best for you and hope you find the hope that you are looking for. By the way, I would not recommend the above if I didn't do it myself. My marriage is certainly not perfect but it's better today than it was before and that's because I took my own advice.

Your post is vague and conflicting. Sounds like you are still sexually frustrated, and just one out-of-town-work-conference (few beers, nice woman approaches, fade into darkness....) away from stepping out. Meanwhile you preach (admitting no secrets?!?!) about spoiling your wife... in the name of abstract hope for small improvements somewhere in the distant future land of fairy tales...... Gee thanks for the advice. NOT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, what I'm hearing is that there are a lot of men out there who are angry that they aren't getting laid on demand and thought that was part of the marriage contract? Interesting. I think if you go into it with this attitude, you will most assuredly wind up in a sexless marriage (this is not directed at the OP).

You are a moron who lacks reading comprehension skills. There are men out there like the OP who are getting laid a few times a year, or less. They are miserable and they would like to have sex more frequently. This does not mean they think they are entitled to sex on demand, and only a moron - i.e., you - would interpret their remarks that way.

[Anonymous]

I wish DH was into just sex and not the love making he prefers. It's like I just want to do it, not mess around for 2 hours. Am I the only one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish DH was into just sex and not the love making he prefers. It's like I just want to do it, not mess around for 2 hours. Am I the only one?

Kill me if I had to deal with 2 hours.

[Anonymous]

I know right? It's like lets just do this already. You want it, I want it. I refuse mostly because I can't handle the time he like to just touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know right? It's like lets just do this already. You want it, I want it. I refuse mostly because I can't handle the time he like to just touch.

So why did you marry him? Why not end it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, what I'm hearing is that there are a lot of men out there who are angry that they aren't getting laid on demand and thought that was part of the marriage contract? Interesting. I think if you go into it with this attitude, you will most assuredly wind up in a sexless marriage (this is not directed at the OP).

OP, I think you said there is a known issue that caused this but that it can't be resolved. What is it? A medical issue? A past trauma? Did you ever have a fulfilling sex life together (from your standpoint)?

This is what I noticed. They are seriously flawed people who will never be happy. Cheaters and liars usually have drama filled lives that are self inflicted.

Their idea of marriage is one sided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that sex seems to be a right of marriage, but actual EQUAL partnership seems negotiable and not worth it to men.
I am not too tired for sex. I am too tired for sex with my DH after I work 45 hours a week at work, do carpooling for the kids both ways, all of the school related stuff, all of the grocery shopping, clothes shopping, cooking and vehicle maintenance (he rides public transport). He gets 60 minutes alone in the AM after the kids and I leave and gets to come home to a cooked meal every night there is not a kid activity.

I get the house vacumed 1x per week and the lawn mowed 1x per month.
WOW! Thanks, awesome.
Even when i ask for more help you would think i am asking him to cut off his penis and feed it to the dog.
But, when he crawls into bed at night and has sexual energy I should just jump up and down and do all i can to please him? Yeah, not really feeling that.

This is where he needs to cook and clean up a few nights of the week. Why should you have 2 jobs? He also needs to watch the kids so you get a night out to yourself. This is what we did and have been marriage long term. Some of my friends divorced for this very reason.

Have you talked to him about the division of household chores and kids?

See, you can’t even correctly read a post for 30 seconds.

Calm down. I read it but didn't sound like has really voiced what a big problem it is. Why is she mowing the lawn? Asking for more help, and putting your foot down are two different things. I want to know how it's gotten this far.

Some of the things are logistics since he takes public transport and I drive, it makes sense for me to get the kids to/from school. It makes sense for me to order groceries and pick them up since i cook becuase i am home 30 minutes earlier than him (because i go in earlier). It makes sense i do the clothing shopping because the times he had done it he gets the incorrect sizes and we have to return things or he gets things the kids don't like.
The thing is ALL of these things add up slowly over time until you are burried under a mountain of shit and when you ask for help to get out of it the status quo must remain. I have talked until i am blue in the face and after each talk he will do 1 or 2 extra things. LIke throwing in laundry before he leaves for work but that lasts exactly ONE time and then we have to discuss again. It is exhausting.
I don't expect Choreplay, but if he expects routine and willing sex, he needs to put in routine effort into our partnership and not just enjoy the benefits of it and expect all of the rewards because he has a penis that needs to get attention.

The more men understand that their own actions likely contribute to the way their wives feel about them and the lust they feel toward them, the sooner marriages and sex lives can be turned around.

Pro tip guys acting incompetent so they can get out of chores they don't like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish DH was into just sex and not the love making he prefers. It's like I just want to do it, not mess around for 2 hours. Am I the only one?

I would kill for some foreplay! DH just wants to jam it in as quickly as possible. Wanna swap husbands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I actually never said I was out of the house as much as possible... I said I took effort to do so more often. I've been at home most hours of the day and night for several years, and wanted to get more time doing things for myself that were not related to work or family. That being said, it's still about 2 hours a day on most days... so not really "out of the house as much as possible".

You know what most parents are doing after kids go to bed.

Throwing in wash
Folding wash
cleaning up from dinner
paying a bill
RSVPing to birthday parties
registering for fall sports
updating the calendar with August dates (back to school, meet the teacher, etc)
Cleaning a bathroom
sorting through the mail
preparing lunches for tomorrow


Only 2 hours a day? Could you imagine just shirking all your responsibilities for 'only" 2 hours a day.. walk outside, go for a run, then come home and contribute.

OP here. You've got it backwards. It's 2 hours a day out of the house... and the rest (not limited to... but definitely including) folding, washing, paying, playing, updating... plus actually being there for the kids and not just making it look like a long "to do" list of chores.

So you have the supply list for school and do all the shopping for that and clothes shopping for back to school and you cook dinner.

I don't believe you.

You started out saying you are spending as little time at home when "the wife" is there, realize you are not home to be a partner and then back peddling.

Continue with therapy, own your issues and how you created a bad situation, good luck.

FFS his wife gets home late. He avoids her once she is home and kids in bed. Young kids.

- signed happily married wife (you crazies make me feel like I have to sign this!)

Serious projection issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the DC area for 32 years and I have never seen a woman mow the grass. None of may many female friends (ages 35-55) mows their own lawn.

You should go to Amish country. You'll see the Amish women out there mowing the lawn in their full-on heavy black Amish garb.

If you drive down my street tomorrow you will see me out there mowing, weather permitting.

What's your address. Maybe I'll bring you a cold beer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the looks of these posts, they are not even old enough to be MRAs... they sound like 12 year old boys sitting in their mom's basement. No wonder you arent getting laid.

Yawn. The stupid, boring predictable insult of DCUM women. Guaranteed to come up in any thread in which sex is discussed. Next you'll say they probably have tiny dcks.

If you're so much smarter and more sophisticated than "the MRAs" you should at least be able to come up with new and better material.

Still waiting for you to address the dichotomy you’re always spewing here:

Wife is fat and/or lazy: open marriage or divorce!

Husband is fat and/or lazy: she owes him constant, enthusiastic sex, anyone who says otherwise is a shrew, pass the Viagra!

NP here. The problem is that the complaint that "My husband doesn't do enough" is "fat and/or lazy" is often a dodge done by women who just plain don't want to have sex with their husbands anymore. They need to offer some excuse, and those are usually the excuses. The husband starts to do more around the house -- still no sex, now it's something else. If lack of effort around the house or being overweight really is the problem, ladies, give your DH some hard targets to hit (goal weight, chores that must get done, etc.), with a specific reward offered if he hits those targets (e.g. enthusiastic sex at least twice a week) and then watch how quickly he trims down and starts doing more around the house. Transactions like that, men can do.

Ugh, if my marriage came down to chits he earned for doing chores that he could trade in for sex, I'd be gone.

That's what my life was like as soon as I got married. So sorry I put up with it for 20 years. Once I stopped cleaning the house to (sometimes) get sex, the house got filthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the looks of these posts, they are not even old enough to be MRAs... they sound like 12 year old boys sitting in their mom's basement. No wonder you arent getting laid.

Yawn. The stupid, boring predictable insult of DCUM women. Guaranteed to come up in any thread in which sex is discussed. Next you'll say they probably have tiny dcks.

If you're so much smarter and more sophisticated than "the MRAs" you should at least be able to come up with new and better material.

And you 'men' always come on here complaining about lack of sex. Perhaps some self reflection is in order about why no one wants you. Maybe its you, not the woman in your life or the women of DCUM.

My wife didn't want sex, but it wasn't me. When I finally stepped out I found I could get women 10-15 years younger, who were thinner, prettier, sexier, and had better jobs than my wife. One of my FWBs got more orgasms from me in a year than my wife got in two decades of marriage.