Told the wife she has no right to demand an answer...

[Anonymous]

40+, male, and married for just over 20 years. The last 3-4 of which have been awful. Did couples counseling twice and she ended it both times. Been seeing a shrink myself for various related and non related issues.
I’ve purposely changed my schedule in the past 6 months, aiming to be out of the house more (I work part of the time from a home office), and make more social relations outside the marriage. I’ve also started doing more sports and going to the gym after a couple of years I’ve really neglected myself.
Thing is this… our sex life is dead. We’ve probably had sex 5 times in the past 3 years. Non in a year now. We are basically not intimate with each other and she shows little to no physical affection towards me.
Few days ago the she asked me if I was intimate with another women… and out of instinct I said: “it’s no longer your business”.
I’m not actually intimate with another women, but I’m definitely more open to it as this situation prolongs. We have 2 kids, and I would like to keep living under the same roof as them. Divorce would also be very hard on me financially. And truthfully, I still love my wife in many ways. However, I also think/feel that 43 is way to early to give up on any kind of physical relationship. Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me?

[Anonymous]

Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

He is not sleeping with her.

Just play with other married folks while you let your wife cuckold you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

+1

You actually did her a favor because she knows it’s finally time for her to call a divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wasn't insinuating a thing, and am smart enough to have safe sex if I were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

He is not sleeping with her.

Just play with other married folks while you let your wife cuckold you.

He certainly won’t be sleeping with her now.

Good luck with finding wife #2 among married women willing to sleep with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

He is not sleeping with her.

Just play with other married folks while you let your wife cuckold you.

He certainly won’t be sleeping with her now.

Good luck with finding wife #2 among married women willing to sleep with you.

And why would he have a problem. Single people should not be burdened with married people's BS. Find another married woman without enough spine to divorce her husband and have sex. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

+1

You actually did her a favor because she knows it’s finally time for her to call a divorce lawyer.

OP here... She could have, and still, can call a lawyer any time she wants to... she's a lawyer herself and has plenty of knowledge on how to, and friends who can provide help. If she had wanted out, she could have found the door without your (or my) advice...

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are a good man, you will not have a problem finding a mate once divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

+1

You actually did her a favor because she knows it’s finally time for her to call a divorce lawyer.

OP here... She could have, and still, can call a lawyer any time she wants to... she's a lawyer herself and has plenty of knowledge on how to, and friends who can provide help. If she had wanted out, she could have found the door without your (or my) advice...

She is holding all of the cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wasn't insinuating a thing, and am smart enough to have safe sex if I were.

of course you are insinuating something. Otherwise you would have said no.

You wanted to make her feel jealous and insecure and it’s working. Congratulations.

It’s rather pathetic that you hate your relationship this much but lack the conviction to leave. Staying for financial reasons? Are you unable to support yourself and your children?

Staying in a relationship like this where you hold your spouses in contempt is worse for your kids than separating. Your kids are learning this unhealthy and dysfunctional behavior. Speaking from experience it’s really better for them to not be raised in this environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are a good man, you will not have a problem finding a mate once divorced.

OP here... I'm not scared of divorce... I just havn't decided I want one. I'm comfortable at home. I like waking up each morning to the kids being there. And we share finances and house chores well... just no intimacy in it, which is something I seem to desire and she does not. The question was (still is)... Does one continue to see a spouse who has given up on intimacy completely as a partner in this field, and should they (I actually) share feelings and information when I know they are not likely to lead to any progress in this area of the relationship?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry.

I think you should go back to her and tell her you are not sleeping with somebody else, but that you'd like to consider it, since your wife doesn't want to sleep with you.

Tell her she can make it her business or not -- by either resuming an intimate, loving sex life with you, or not. And your actions will be dictated by hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

+1

You actually did her a favor because she knows it’s finally time for her to call a divorce lawyer.

OP here... She could have, and still, can call a lawyer any time she wants to... she's a lawyer herself and has plenty of knowledge on how to, and friends who can provide help. If she had wanted out, she could have found the door without your (or my) advice...

She is holding all of the cards.

OP here... We both are. Each his/her shitty hand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry.

I think you should go back to her and tell her you are not sleeping with somebody else, but that you'd like to consider it, since your wife doesn't want to sleep with you.

Tell her she can make it her business or not -- by either resuming an intimate, loving sex life with you, or not. And your actions will be dictated by hers.

Yep, prostitutes can be calculated into the family budget.