Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:40+, male, and married for just over 20 years. The last 3-4 of which have been awful. Did couples counseling twice and she ended it both times. Been seeing a shrink myself for various related and non related issues.
I’ve purposely changed my schedule in the past 6 months, aiming to be out of the house more (I work part of the time from a home office), and make more social relations outside the marriage. I’ve also started doing more sports and going to the gym after a couple of years I’ve really neglected myself.
Thing is this… our sex life is dead. We’ve probably had sex 5 times in the past 3 years. Non in a year now. We are basically not intimate with each other and she shows little to no physical affection towards me.
Few days ago the she asked me if I was intimate with another women… and out of instinct I said: “it’s no longer your business”.
I’m not actually intimate with another women, but I’m definitely more open to it as this situation prolongs. We have 2 kids, and I would like to keep living under the same roof as them. Divorce would also be very hard on me financially. And truthfully, I still love my wife in many ways. However, I also think/feel that 43 is way to early to give up on any kind of physical relationship. Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me?
I think your situation is extremely common, unfortunately. As a woman who has frequent sex with my husband (I’m also in my 40s and have 2 kids), I think it’s essential in a good marriage. I suggest that you make this clear to her and go from there. Your kids are important of course, but they grow up. If it’s this bad now, what do you have to look forward to?
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