Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say what you said here. “Hi X, just saw this. I know Y can be a handful but we love him and appreciate you all including him in this activity.”

Be the bigger person. Anyone who is worth their salt would apologize privately.

This is really nice. Probably the most reasonable thing that has been posted here. I would remove the "we love him" part, and replace with "he really enjoys this activity/spending time with your kids/whatever."

This, either version. They like you and they tolerate you son or maybe their kids like him a lot. But having him be included anyhow is great. If you are snarky back, you’ll likely get an apology, but no more invites to things

So after her child was directly insulted by this woman she should kiss her ass so she can get invites to continue exposing her child to these shady women? Who raised you?

Assuming this group isn’t in her neighborhood, and isn't her son’s sole source friends, she has no reason to be pragmatic. Tell them f u and move on. They don’t deserve OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP doesn't dispute the content of the text gives me pause. If it were me, I'd feel genuinely bad and embarrassed my kid was annoying to that degree.

You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd go with "Happy holidays, Suzie! -- Larlo's mom"

This. Do exactly this. Please. It’s the only response. You get the opportunity to stay classy while she melts.

Nah, too passive aggressive. I'd go with something funny.

Yea, the poster that suggested: “I always carry Advil in my purse if you need it.”

That's funny and pretty classy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing. Show up and hand her a bottle of advil.

Oooooh ha ha

[Anonymous]

I would say nothing. She knows you know. The others have signaled their disapproval by not chiming in. I think your best move is to stay above this mess and begin a new thread without her next time you invite the group over. She was unkind and inappropriate and now everyone knows that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say nothing. She knows you know. The others have signaled their disapproval by not chiming in. I think your best move is to stay above this mess and begin a new thread without her next time you invite the group over. She was unkind and inappropriate and now everyone knows that.

You are making assumptions. There may have been a spin off thread without OP in it. I think the silence speaks volumes in communication their agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say what you said here. “Hi X, just saw this. I know Y can be a handful but we love him and appreciate you all including him in this activity.”

Be the bigger person. Anyone who is worth their salt would apologize privately.

This is really nice. Probably the most reasonable thing that has been posted here. I would remove the "we love him" part, and replace with "he really enjoys this activity/spending time with your kids/whatever."

This, either version. They like you and they tolerate you son or maybe their kids like him a lot. But having him be included anyhow is great. If you are snarky back, you’ll likely get an apology, but no more invites to things

So after her child was directly insulted by this woman she should kiss her ass so she can get invites to continue exposing her child to these shady women? Who raised you?

Assuming this group isn’t in her neighborhood, and isn't her son’s sole source friends, she has no reason to be pragmatic. Tell them f u and move on. They don’t deserve OP.

Exposing her child to shady women? They don’t deserve OP? You all are really concocting some tales in this thread with very little information. I doubt anyone will batt an eye if OP says fu and moves on. She never even said any of these women were her friends, just that it was a group text centered around kid’s activities.

And the child was not directly insulted whatsoever. The texter was absolutely inappropriate and rude, but she did say she was sorry and provided a very direct explanation for why she said it. She’ll never be shamed into groveling for forgiveness, and getting hung up on it will only hurt the OP. The kid presumably has no idea any of this happened, so now all the grownups need to be grownups and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird to me how many people are saying "oh, take the free advice" and dismissing how rude this was.

I don't have a loud kid-- I have a shy, quiet kid. I don't worry about people complaining about my kid being too high energy or making too much noise. Usually people say things like "Can we adopt her? She was so polite!"

And yet, the idea of someone saying something unkind about her at all, much less in a group setting, is awful to me. I could imagine people making fun of my kid for being quiet or shy, or making a crack about how she's not outgoing enough or doesn't have enough friends. And because it would be based on a kernel of truth, I'd take it personally. She is quiet, she doesn't have a ton of friends, and I do sometimes worry about it because I'm her mom and it's my job.

So it is extremely easy for me to recognize that this kind of comment is just hurtful. It's not helpful AT ALL. OP knows her son is loud and high energy. She worries about it sometimes and works on it because she wants her son to be well-liked. She doesn't need a fellow parent making snarking comments that will only make her feel more stressed about it.

It was a rude comment. It deserved a real apology, and the fact that this other woman just made an excuse and blew it off sucks. Imagine if it had been a child who made that comment, and had "apologized" by saying "Oh yeah, nothing personal, I just have a lot going on." I'm betting you'd all think "What kind of parent lets their kid get off that easy -- make a real apology."

I don't care how loud he is. He didn't do anything wrong. This woman did. Why are so many people asking a child to behave better because a full-grown adult doesn't know how to take responsibility for her actions?

SMDH

100% I don't know what is wrong with all you women who think there is any place for a comment from a woman like that to a group of moms who know that boy and his mother. And then can't be adult enough to apologize. She sounds awful. OP: I'm disappointed to hear that you didn't feel a direct question to her, inside the group text, was the way to go. I'm sorry it happened, but you should have handled it with some serious heat!

What’s wrong with these women is that OP’s distress makes them feel better about themselves and their parenting. As long as it’s someone else’s child who’s being singled out, they can pat themselves on the back that at least their child isn’t as bad which means that they’re great mothers. These women are so insecure that they need a stranger’s pain to feel ok. It must be hard being a them.

This sums up DCUM perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say nothing. She knows you know. The others have signaled their disapproval by not chiming in. I think your best move is to stay above this mess and begin a new thread without her next time you invite the group over. She was unkind and inappropriate and now everyone knows that.

You are making assumptions. There may have been a spin off thread without OP in it. I think the silence speaks volumes in communication their agreement.

PP is either being willfully obtuse or is naive. There is no way that a woman would have texted that without any context or history. The others didn’t chime in because they were deer in headlights having been caught in such an embarrassing flub. I’m glad they took the time to side text OP separately but this is no indication that they “didn’t approve”. They’re saving face because they got caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say nothing. She knows you know. The others have signaled their disapproval by not chiming in. I think your best move is to stay above this mess and begin a new thread without her next time you invite the group over. She was unkind and inappropriate and now everyone knows that.

You are making assumptions. There may have been a spin off thread without OP in it. I think the silence speaks volumes in communication their agreement.

It doesn't. I think you are completely wrong here. I am completely against what the texter said but I would not call her out in a group text. For one thing, she's entitled to her opinion, even if it sucks and she should have kept it to herself. For another thing, it's rude to call someone out, and better to address it separately, in my opinion. Even though the texter is rude as hell, I don't believe that it's appropriate to meet rudeness with rudeness, because then it all degenerates AND you are likely not to get desired results (a change in behavior) if you embarrass someone publicly and cause them to be defensive. So, I would not respond publicly but I also would not agree with the texter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird to me how many people are saying "oh, take the free advice" and dismissing how rude this was.

I don't have a loud kid-- I have a shy, quiet kid. I don't worry about people complaining about my kid being too high energy or making too much noise. Usually people say things like "Can we adopt her? She was so polite!"

And yet, the idea of someone saying something unkind about her at all, much less in a group setting, is awful to me. I could imagine people making fun of my kid for being quiet or shy, or making a crack about how she's not outgoing enough or doesn't have enough friends. And because it would be based on a kernel of truth, I'd take it personally. She is quiet, she doesn't have a ton of friends, and I do sometimes worry about it because I'm her mom and it's my job.

So it is extremely easy for me to recognize that this kind of comment is just hurtful. It's not helpful AT ALL. OP knows her son is loud and high energy. She worries about it sometimes and works on it because she wants her son to be well-liked. She doesn't need a fellow parent making snarking comments that will only make her feel more stressed about it.

It was a rude comment. It deserved a real apology, and the fact that this other woman just made an excuse and blew it off sucks. Imagine if it had been a child who made that comment, and had "apologized" by saying "Oh yeah, nothing personal, I just have a lot going on." I'm betting you'd all think "What kind of parent lets their kid get off that easy -- make a real apology."

I don't care how loud he is. He didn't do anything wrong. This woman did. Why are so many people asking a child to behave better because a full-grown adult doesn't know how to take responsibility for her actions?

SMDH

100% I don't know what is wrong with all you women who think there is any place for a comment from a woman like that to a group of moms who know that boy and his mother. And then can't be adult enough to apologize. She sounds awful. OP: I'm disappointed to hear that you didn't feel a direct question to her, inside the group text, was the way to go. I'm sorry it happened, but you should have handled it with some serious heat!

What’s wrong with these women is that OP’s distress makes them feel better about themselves and their parenting. As long as it’s someone else’s child who’s being singled out, they can pat themselves on the back that at least their child isn’t as bad which means that they’re great mothers. These women are so insecure that they need a stranger’s pain to feel ok. It must be hard being a them.

This sums up DCUM perfectly.

Sadly, that is so on point and and insightful assessment on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Something similar happened to me years ago. At a party, I overheard parents talking about my kid is too hyper and out of control.

To be honest, I always felt their kids were boring, incurious, and unimaginative, but each person is unique. I chalked it up to them not being used to having a spirited, curious child.

But after hearing that comment, I would start making low-key references to my children's superior imaginative play and curiosity to the other Dads at the party (I'm a dude)

Things like "DS is so into dinosaurs. He spent hours digging for dinosaur bones yesterday in the yard yesterday. You guys are lucky your kids don't want to get dirty"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something similar happened to me years ago. At a party, I overheard parents talking about my kid is too hyper and out of control.

To be honest, I always felt their kids were boring, incurious, and unimaginative, but each person is unique. I chalked it up to them not being used to having a spirited, curious child.

But after hearing that comment, I would start making low-key references to my children's superior imaginative play and curiosity to the other Dads at the party (I'm a dude)

Things like "DS is so into dinosaurs. He spent hours digging for dinosaur bones yesterday in the yard yesterday. You guys are lucky your kids don't want to get dirty"

lol

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry op. I was told something more directly about my kid and really felt bad about it. After venting to a few people I discovered that mom had rubbed multiple people wrong with her comments (even years before our family arrived at the school). Chalk it up to her own issues, clearly she has a different filter/boundaries/manners... that is her issue and you should not let it get you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say nothing. She knows you know. The others have signaled their disapproval by not chiming in. I think your best move is to stay above this mess and begin a new thread without her next time you invite the group over. She was unkind and inappropriate and now everyone knows that.

You are making assumptions. There may have been a spin off thread without OP in it. I think the silence speaks volumes in communication their agreement.

PP is either being willfully obtuse or is naive. There is no way that a woman would have texted that without any context or history. The others didn’t chime in because they were deer in headlights having been caught in such an embarrassing flub. I’m glad they took the time to side text OP separately but this is no indication that they “didn’t approve”. They’re saving face because they got caught.

See, I view this ^ as making a lot of assumptions. Assuming a conspiracy, assuming everyone is “in on it,” assuming they all feel guilty, assuming all this “context and history.” There are some overheated and paranoid imaginations on here. Texter was out of line and screwed up, and the others are not joining in. Those are the facts. Anything else — assuming the worst as you are doing, or assuming the best as I am doing — is speculation. My advice: Assume the best for your own sake and let the texter hang. You will look better and you will not feed the drama. But I guess that isn’t the DCUM way.